Lexxy,
I think this time I feel tired of just letting him feel like he pulled the wool over my eyes in the past. This one is no different than the past A's. I exposed in the past, he didn't send no contact letters but didn't want to leave. I think once I found this site I thought maybe with exposure plus the advice melodylane gave me to file for LSA, my thinking was that this would maybe cause him to wake up. Before I only did the exposure but nothing else to make him see that that there was consequences. He will lose me and he will have his A destroyed once the light of day hits it.

I read Ace-in-a-bucket story and her H was a serial cheater too but they recovered, so I guess I had hope that maybe with MB plus the fact that he will see he will lose me, just might make him want to change. I don't understand how I am helping him by exposing? I thought that by ending the A by busting it up and going through with the LSA he will see I am serious and maybe rethink his life. I know, probably won't even make him think twice unless I go dark into plan B and he really see's that he has lost me.

At this point, I just need something to help me rebuild my confidence and I thought by taking some action against this A this time, at least I won't feel like I am sitting by the sidelines watching him do as he pleases with a new OW. Now that I know he didn't change and didn't take me serious in the past, this time will be different because I am not just exposing but I am separating from him to. I am thinking that it might make a difference.

He has pissed me off plenty medc, so why should I care about pissing him off now? I thought it was about time I stood up for myself.

standing up for yourself will mean getting the best divorce deal you can. If he gets mad, he could be bitter and cost you thousands.

He sent me an email a few minutes ago, I guess he's counting on me to break down and believe that the woman is not the new OW. This is what he sent:

*****,
JS is just a coworker and you should have asked me about that before jumping to conclusions. In the restaurant last night I told you we were just having dinner to celebrate her promotion. You have it all wrong, I didn't ask her out on a date! It was just dinner, that's it. Why can't you understand that a man and a woman having dinner is not necessarily a date if it is work related. You are destroying any chance of making our marriage work by being super suspicious all of the time. It is too much for any reasonable person to deal with. I wish you understood that.

Why have you stopped answering your phone? How am I supposed to make this right if you won't even talk to me? If you would allow me to share my side of the story without getting all emotional, I think you will see things clearly and calm down. CALL ME! I can explain EVERYTHING. You just need to listen to what I have to say. I promise you, it wasn't what you thought it was. She's not even interested in me, that's what makes this whole episode so ridiculous!

Waiting to hear from you,

D

I don't know anyone that would sit on the same side of the table if they weren't "together". He's gonna have a heck of a time explaining THAT one.

his explanation is unimportant.

He thinks I am going to cave and fall for that. I haven't answered my phone since the call this morning when he was trying to explain. That didn't go so well, so I guess he figured he'd try it again. You are right Serenity, He was on the same side of the table with her and leaning in very close, co-workers don't do that unless something is going on.

I thought about doing a 180 and making him feel just like I have. I would never cheat because my vows mean something to me. He just hates it when I am not sitting there answering his calls and being sucked into all of those excuses. When I am not answering my phone he gets upset because he can't control what is going on with me. I think I'll turn it off and leave it off for the rest of the night.

He can't even explain it. I think I am getting angrier at him since seeing him last night with the new OW. He is used to me forgiving him and letting him talk me out of my feelings. This time its not going to happen.

Well, so much has happened since the last time I could log in here. After I exposed the A he is having with the new OW, he called me in a rage because his boss came down on him for innapropriate behavior in his workplace.So much more happened after that and we had many arguments over the last week.

I will just update the important parts. Yesterday WH came by my sister's house and begged me to please listen to him. He told me he was sorry that he has been a cheater and a liar. He said that he is admitting that he has been trying to date the woman I saw him in the restaurant with. He cried and said that he doesn't know why he cheats and that he knows he needs help. He begged me to please help him because he doesn't know what to do from here. He apologized to me and my sister and asked me if there is anyway I would ever forgive him. He started talking about how he realizes that all the bad things he's done will probably never be forgiven by me but he wants to come clean and clear his conscience. He asked me could he confess in front of my whole family and friends because he takes full blame for everything.

He has cried before but I don't know if he is sincere or not. He looked sad and pathetic and my sister had to finally just make him leave. We had other family over for Easter and he made a huge scene, even though we talked in another room away from everyone, I think they all heard because he was crying uncontrollably at one point. I don't know what to do now because a part of me can't believe he is actually admitting that he is wrong for lying and cheating, I know he has cried before once he was caught, but there was something about this time that makes me think that maybe he is seeing how awful he has been. What should I look for from him now, what should I ask of him to prove he is being sincere? Or, should I just expect that this is the same thing from him again? I am so glad the board is back up, I need help with this.

I'm no expert here... but I'd say it's a tentative step in the right directions and YEAH for you! Now actions speak louder than words or in his case tears. What is he DOING to prove to you that there is no more contact and that he will remain faithful?

Serenity, I think you are right. I am finally seeing that none of his words mean anything. This is the point where I usually break down and take him back and forgive him. The crying the tears and apologies always happen at the right time for him. Something happened today that MelodyLane said to me. She said I would probably start to make better judgements once I had a clearer mind away from the abuse. I realize today for the first time that all the tears from him, are just tears. Probably just another manipulation on his part to get what he wants from me.

I went by our home to pack up the rest of the few things I still have there. My sister and my cousin came with me just in case he'd be there packing his things too. My family has been great with helping me. He has no one. I think the timing of everything will be great. He will have to hit bottom and I am not helping him through this. When we got to the house he wasn't there but he had left a note saying he'd be back there around 10:00 PM tonight and that he was leaving the note so that I'd know what time he'd be coming back, just in case I didn't want to see him. He's never cared before about making me miserable, so now he is being considerate and telling me when he'll be at the house so I can avoid him. Well I packed up my stuff and we just walked out but I did have a weak moment closing the door. I felt like it might be the end, and that is still a little scary. But my family will help me through.

I started thinking about everything he has done to me. He really has lived like a Gigilo or something. There is probably more affairs I have no idea about. I am really starting to see that as he is, it's not what I want. After his crying on Easter and begging I realize that I am in more control of myself than I have given myself credit for. Thank you to MedC also and Lexxy, Krushit, and everyone who gave me advice when I first came here. I can see now, I deserve more than this.

I don't know if he is acting or not by crying on Easter and apologizing, but I am not stopping the LSA, which he will get thursday, according to my lawyer, its all set and ready to go. Then I will go into Plan B. I will stay there until he proves to me that he is worth my time again. That may never happen but if it does, I will not stop short of anything less than a polygraph test, total transparency and a ton of other things that are about his actions and not his words. I don't know if he even has it in him. BUT I am done being fearful that he can't do it by helping him and enabling his awful treatment of me.

I know I will need help to stay on the right path and help recovering ME. I want a recovered M, I just don't want the M I had. He has no respect for me. It is painful thinking of everything I've gone through and then when he cries and says he needs help, the worst part is now I can't even trust that because of all of the lies he's told in the past. I can totally see now, that all of that is just to get a reaction from me and get me back under his control. If we have any chance, the M would have to be built up from the ground up all over again. My sister is helping me a ton by reminding me of how much more I deserve. Only a miracle from God can make him change and I don't know if that will happen. Part of me is sad, but I feel renewed. Maybe it was Easter Sunday that helped me to see I can truly have better than this.

I welcome any advice moving from this point, I just want to keep getting stronger and learn from my mistakes in the past.

I also just want to say I have been reading like crazy since I could get back on this board and I am trying to learn everything I can. I am happy that there is a place like this to help me through this rough time. Thanks to everyone who continues helping me.

I don't know how things have changed so much for me but they have. I have been excersing a lot and I am feeling so much better. WH was surprised when he got the LSA and I sent him a Plan B letter telling him that I love him and that I want to save our marriage but I will not be a part of a marriage with third parties, women friends and OW's. I told him in the letter that once he decides on his own that this marriage is what he wants he will have to stop all contact with women and concentrate on out M.

He will also have to prove to me that he wants this M by being transparent and agreeing to be an open book. I outlined how those changes have to be verified by me and that he would have to do whatever it takes to repair the damage he has done to me and that I won't accept anything less because I am standing up for my marriage and I am saving my love for him by ending contact because it is too painful to continue the way we have been. I am sure he thinks I am trying to force him to do what I want, but I'm not. Everything I said to him is true. I think he's upset with me because I am being stronger than he thought I was. I am surrounded by my sister and other family and friends helping me stay strong. Right now he is living in a motel until he finds a permanant apartment. Our home is in foreclosure and we are both officially out of there now.

His reacton to my Plan B and LSA was strange. It was a different kind of reaction than the normal crying. He seemed more shocked and sad more than anything else. He called me and told me he does not agree with it and it will destroy any chance for us. He went on and on on my cell phone VM that he will wish me the best, how sorry he is that it has to end this way and that he will choose to remember the good times we had. Is that a normal reaction? I wonder if he is trying to make me feel like its really over and we have no chance at all. He just has no idea that I am serious and I am not falling for anymore games. I really have lost the fear that held me back from making decisions. Now I am not afraid of moving forward. I don't want a D because I truly hope that one day he will be changed by God. I know that people are not hopeless to God. I am not holding on to false hope though. I know it will take nothing short of a miracle for him to really live his life as a moral person with values and respect for marriage.

So now what should I be doing? I almost feel lost but at the same time I feel strong and like I can do what it takes to be successful. I feel proud of myself for doing what I need to do with the LSA and now I'm in Plan B. I have freedom to move forward any way I choose to. Do I wait and see what he does next? How long is too long to wait? I know I can be a MB success if I recover myself and I feel like I can do that. What steps do I need to take to work on ME?

If there is anyone who has Plan B advice, I'd appreciate it. I have my sister as my intermediary. WH has tried to reach me and after his first call to me since getting the Plan B letter I've blocked his calls from my cell phone (that was my sisters idea) also, now I have blocked him from my email and text on my cell phone. My sister sent him an email to his blackberry telling him that he must contact her if there is anything important he needs to discuss business matters that involve our finances, and that he can only contact me once he is ready to do the things I've asked for in my plan b letter. Can anyone tell me what to expect from here? How will I know if he is really serious? My sister said she would only tell me the important things, but it just seems like I won't know how to tell if he's really ready to do what it takes if I don't hear him myself. Does that make sense?

I am starting to wonder if Plan B is right for my situation? I believe its the right thing to do, but how much can I tell when he is contacting me and I have blocked his call?

Good luck to you! I hope you grow stronger while in plan B and your husband realizes his bad, bad mistakes, repents and decides with you is the best place to be.

Is plan B right for you? No one can tell you for sure one way or the other. That's what is so scary about it. That's why I've refused to do it. There are no guarantees. I figure (don't recall your position on faith etc.) anyway I figure I'm praying for my husband so often through out the day. He knows I'm standing for my marriage. God knows I want my marriage to be restored. In Gods time, I will have just what it is that He wants me to have. That's gettin' me through the days. I told WH this evening, don't think I'm going to stop praying for you. He smiled and said I probably need as much prayers as I can get. I asked him to please don't close him self off to seeing the signs that God may have for him ;-) He said he wouldn't.

I'm sorry I'm rambling on your thread. Just wanted to let you know. Good for you that you've got your supports and good for you that you haven't given up on him yet.

Serenity

Thanks for replying. There really are no guarantees and I think that is starting to really become clear to me. I don't want to be married to a man who doesn't want to be married to me, that would make me feel like I am just settling for less than I deserve. I don't think there is anything worse than feeling rejected in a marriage, and to feel that way constantly would be too much for me. I don't think I could take that. Unless WH really changes, I don't even see a point anymore.


I've been crying more today than usual. Maybe everything is just hitting me. I am trying not to be too hopeful about Plan B affecting him because I am afraid I will just be too hurt if he doesn't change. I know I love him but some of the things he's done has made me almost hate the person he has become. I don't know if that makes sense or not, but sometimes I feel really conflicted. I do know that I am strong enough to make it through no matter what. Right now I just wish I didn't feel so sad about everything.

I have been trying to find things to do to better myself. I've thought a lot about taking up some new hobbies and even changing my look. Just to do something nice for myself, I think it would be a nice change for me. Today is kind of a low day for me. I heard that a friend is getting married and I just cried. The tears keep coming and I feel pretty foolish. I should be happy for her, but all I can think of is how broken WH is now. I remember when we were happy and excited about our life together and now I don't even recognize what my life has become. I start to wonder if any of it was ever real. Or was he just playing a role and deceiving me all along? I'm not sure anymore. I'm just feeling sad and I can't even share the joy of my friend's news about getting married because It's just too painful right now. I hope that doesn't make me a selfish person.

You aren't a selfish person. Right now you're broken and hurt. Luckily it doesn't sound like you are this "low" everyday. I've figured out I'm sadder if I've skipped eating or haven't gotten enough sleep. Taking care of yourself?

Keep up your exercising. Pick up a hobby, something you always wanted to try, but couldn't because of the time spent with WH. Check out rejoiceministries, and look for a button on the right that says restored marriages. That is soooo uplifting. And now that I've read all of those when I get down, I click on testemonies and just choose one of the many pages and it really fills my heart with faith, hope and joy.