I just got back from school. I was gone for 3 months. We were both agreed that this was good, in fact she was the one who suggested it in the end. I got back and she was extremely withdrawn. Very cold. I knew something was up.

I checked the text messages and sure enough, she's been texting this guy like crazy. I confronted her and she agreed that she was having an emotional affair. I listened to her complaints with patience and said as little as possible. She then said that she wanted to leave for a bit so I went home, made her dinner, and helped her pack. I avoided all love busters, but I kind of feel that I should make a request that she stop seeing this guy, and then let it be from there. But could that be a demand and a step backward?

Now I'm alone...and lonely...

What do you guys think about emotional affairs?

burnout,

Sorry you're here....but welcome.

Emotional affairs are every bit as destructive to marriages as physical affairs. But if you've been gone....why do you think this is only emotional? As hard as it is to think about....you've got to remember that wayward spouses are just not honest about their involvement.

Asking you wife to stop contact with an affair partner may be a demand....however, it is one of the demands that will save your marriage....so please view this differently than you would the run of the mill lovebusters. Besides, you can do it in a way (respectful request) that is not a lovebuster at all.


translation: I want to continue my affair. "Space" is one of those things every wayward asks for....because without it....it's much harder to have an affair!!


why? Why would you enable or help her to leave you?

Plan A (where you should be) is NOT about making your wayward wife happy....or being NICE. It's about expressing the difficult emotions that you'll be dealing with in a way that isn't dishonest or abusive. That doesn't mean you can't tell her how you feel or ask her to end the affair.

Weekends are slow here....keep posting, and if you want the more traffic....post over on the GQII board.

What do you know about this guy? Is he married?

The beginnings of a VERY slippery slope for WS's. A FAST down hill bumpy roll for BS's.

Star gives you sound advice.

What can we do to help YOU now?

Are you sure it is just an EA? How sure? Also, are you married? For how long? Kids? How was the relationship before you went away? Who is the affair partner, what do you know about him? How does she know him? Is he married? Everything, spill it. All this info will help us help you.

Her leaving will not facilitate recovery, at least not at this point. You need to read everything on this site about infidelity and Plan A. Commit yourself to not engaging in lovebusters and begin to do what you can to meet your WS's primary emotional needs. Realize that there are two parts to Plan A. The first is becoming the spouse you should have always been. The second is attacking the affair. Plan A is not about a joint recovery effort, it is about YOU doing what YOU can to get your marriage to a point where a joint recovery effort is possible. Do not expect your WS to be thrilled with your Plan A efforts!