ML,

It's good to hear from you again.

I will hash out my Plan B ASAP. I was hoping to get her to leave the home so I could implement Plan B. I don't like how yesterday went. She ended up threatening to run off with the kids at one point.

It's obvious her focus is not on the well being of the kids. I do fear what she will try and do. I know she wants to leave but has nowhere to go

She is basically leaving all responsibitly to me and dwelling on her fantasy. I feel like I have been enabling her to do this. She has no REAL LIFE issues to deal with. I wanted her to get a taste of reality yesterday.

Thanks again,
FT

You are being a doormat by treating her as a live in guest while she runs around like a single woman. That is not in her best interest, your best interest, and most especially, not your childrens best interest. You are ENABLING her to be her very WORST. That is not the goal or purpose of Plan A.

This is not about saying the right or wrong words, ft. This is about putting a stop to this abuse and protecting your children and your own mental health.

FT, I would get with your attorney and ask him how you get her out of there. Perhaps you can rent her a nice little room within walking distance of a Walmart, where she could get a job.

oh wait a minute, I see we have already covered this same ground before. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> And you are still in the same position?

ML,

I don't want you to think you are wasting your breathe telling me this.

I thought I was doing the right thing with Plan A. WW even had me convinced it was something she was receptive to for about a week. When I threw the wrench into her plans to take another leave she let me know what her true intentions were.

It has been ugly since last Wednesday. I will do all I can to get her to move on so I can implement Plan B. I have definately reached the point to where I have a deep resentment for her and what she is doing.

I know you are frustrated with me. But I truly wanted to do all I could in Plan A. Unfortunately I almost feel like it was more damage than good.

FT

I don't know fasttrack...I think that if I were you I'd play off REALLY nice like and encourage her to get out with your help....whatever it took...help her find a local cheap apartment and seemingly make her feel like you intend to allow her to ride off into the sunset with your cooperation and friendship intact. Acting like you think a separation may HELP you two reconcile and figure things out (she will go along with this thinking though she'll have no intention of actually working on it)

Then...I'd get her to sign a separation agreement. You could maybe find a draft one on the internet (hopefully from your particular state) loosely defining the relationship and seemingly indicating she doesn't have to pay child support (but don't state that as a "forever, she doesn't have to pay...just at that time...later, when she gets a job you will be entitled to it regardless of what your non-legal separation agreement says).

Then on move out day...I'd help her take as little stuff as possible and get her out. Once out...7-14 days later...after some, likely in complete vain, efforts at Plan A you give her the Plan B letter.

Cut her off financially and let her sink or swim.


Though it's typically inavisable to separate I think the threats she's made (stealing the kids, kicking YOU out of the house) and the constant abuse she's putting you through call for some action for you to protect your custody interests. At this point, protect the kids and get her out. Then...MB principles and God may work on her as nothing you are doing seems to be working anyway.

I fear also that the longer you wait to take action the more likely you will find yourself on the wrong end of some restraining order and the fight of your life to get back into YOUR home and back to your children. I see you don't have the funds to hire a lawyer and if she takes action first to get you out...you'll not have the funds to protect your legal interests. You AND YOUR KIDS...will be screwed.

Good luck,
Mr. Wondering

p.s. - you'll have email soon

Hello Everyone,

Just wanted to update you all.

WW filed on Valentines Day and I was served on the 15th. She is still in our home and never moved out. I am doing all I can to keep the house and get primary of DD5 and DS13.

I am doing great! I am focusing on all the good things that have happened in my life since this all started and there are plenty.

WW is still angry with me for not walking away and giving her an easy D. I am not being an adult according to her evaluation of my actions. She still has lots of anger towards me and insists I am just trying to hurt her now. I am happy with all I have done in trying to keep my family together.

I hold no resentment towards her now and I am sleeping pretty good for the most part. Both DS and DD are doing better but still struggle on occasion. WW still chooses to talk about things in front of them or say things to them that she should not be saying. I feel that these things really hurt her relationship with them. I let my actions speak for me and really focus on not getting baited into arguments.

I never really got to Plan B. She decided after getting an attorney and talking to some others that her moving out as she planned was a bad idea.

I want to thank you all. You are all a blessing and continue to help me. I have still been reading here and it is always incouraging hearing the successes.

Thanks!
FT