Okay, firstly, Steve Harley told me about 3 weeks ago that I should be doing plan B but I thought I knew better! I didn't and I feel like my H is having the best of both worlds at the moment. I know he is at her house tonight with her kids (hmm!) while I sit at home with my kids. He is living in an apartment (at least he is not with her) but he does come around here to pick up my son etc. The problem I face is that when I go to plan B my daughter (10) will not see him. She sees him if he comes to the house and is quite pleasant with him and I know he will think I am going to Plan B just to stop him seeing my daughter (which is not true since I really want her to have contact with him). What do I do? I have been trying to do a Plan A which is ok but he is still not making any choices in his life and it has been over a year now. Holidays are coming up and I need some kind of decision from him. I am getting on with my life but I need some kind of stability for my kids as well as for me. Do I go to plan B even if it means he won't see his daughter?

I think you need to talk to you daughter. Why won't she see him< I understand that she is hurt, but she is old enough to understand some of the things that are going on. I think you need to explain to her that she need to see her dad and even explain a little of what you are doing and why, it might help. Like he is your father and he loves you very much. But we are having some problems right now. It would help if you would visit him. Also she need, actually both of your children need to be seeing a counselor in order to help them deal with this. I can understand why you aren't goin to plan B right now but once you get this taken care of you should. Another think is there anyone who could be at the house when your H comes to pick up son. This would give daughter a chance to see dad and you wouldn't have to. Just some ideas on the subject. <P>------------------<BR>di<P>

Why won’t he see your daughter in Plan B? He can drive up & toot the horn and you can shove her out the door. There doesn’t need to be any interaction between you. Set on a day/time when he will come over to pick her up.<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html</A>

It is not H that won't see my daughter, it is daughter that won't see H. She is very hurt and sad by what has happened and she says it hurts her to see him or talk to him. I am getting both my kids into counselling. Although, in my opinion, she deals with it quite well when she doesn't have to see him. Quite a dilemma.

Loveu,<BR>I'm in the first days of Plan B. My 14 year old won't talk to her dad on the phone, he's supposed to have them this weekened & she is refusing to spend the night. The 11 year old says "maybe" she will. <P>It's really tough to see your kids hurt, confused & angry. It is (probably) tough on your H as well, but it is direct consequence of the decisions he has made. Some spouses begin to avoid not only the spouse, but the kids too, as both represent failure.<P>You might want to check with a lawyer. He probably can legally see the kid whether she wants to or not. He might not want to force her (my H doesn't), but you need to be careful for your own legal protection.

I know it's hard in Plan B. I just started it too, after H moved in with OW. Have you tried talking to your 10-yr old about things? You don't have to go into all the details, but letting her know that your know it's hard and listening to her may help. Our kids are so mad at H that they don't want to see him. (14 and 16-yr old boys). I have tried to make it as easy as possible but they just don't want to deal with him right now. H is not good at talking either. I've told them that I love H and want him to come back, I told them that H left me, not them. That he still loves them and always will be their father. I've said that their father is a good person, he's just making some very poor decisions right now and I hope that he will change his mind. I've told them that they need to talk to him about what's going on. I'm hoping that over the next few weeks they will feel more comfortable with him. But... he never calls during the week and just shows up for the weekends. (Plan B will stop him dropping in, I hope.)