Me and my ex husband were married for 10 years. We had a very rocky marriage and it ended in divorce. We realized the mistake we made and have sought counseling and took the time to work on ourselves tremendously. We are back together and are stronger than ever. We realized what broke us up in the first place and we have vowed to never let that happen again. We handed the wheel to Jesus instead of trying to live life "our" way. We have 2 young children together. We both want to get married again and we are going to do so. My ex is back home with me and the kids and has been for a while. Yes, legally, we are divorced, but is this still considered fornication. I've gotten mixed answers and I'm a bit confused. I know that it says in the bible, "let no man tear apart a marriage that was designed by God". This is not how it goes as I can't remember exactly what it says. I want to do what is right, but I know that another separation would upset the kids in a great way, as well as us. I could use some advice/input/thoughts. Thanks in advance for reading!!

Frog:

I'm surprised that no one has responded. Wow, what a question.

I suppose the answer depends on what YOU believe. As far as I know, there are no LEGAL ramifications for fornication in Alabama, except for divorce actions, which do not apply to you. So, what you need to deal with is your religious/spiritual definition.

As a Catholic, our dogmatic postition is that no matter what a court says, from the day of your sacramental marriage until one of you dies, you are married. Of course, if you are not Catholic, this is not much help.

So, what does your heart tell you? The two of you took vows, and made a comittment, so is that vow still valid in YOUR hearts?

Have you talked to your pastor about this? What does he/she say?

Matthew 9:16 says Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder

Now that I think about it, no one can answer this for you, only the two of you can.

Maybe a stupid question, but what is stopping you from getting legally remarried?

This man is your husband albeit the civil contraints have been dissolved by a court sanctioned divorce. If it were I and the woman to whom I had been married I would not think it fornication to have a sexual relationship with her.In fact, to me, it is a continuation of committment to your vows.

To respond to your question..

Your Ex is your former husband before divorce. The nature of this issue is this. He is the father of your kids... he is not someone else that you has come into your life. Therefore, that is not fornicating. Fornication is that actual act of physical sexual contact with someone else,other than the personn that were or hace been married to. If you loved another man... and was committed to another man, but then you started being with your EX... than your fornicating.

I am sorry but I have to disagree with everyone.
At this point in time, you are not married. Therefore, any sexual activity is considered fornication, even if with your fomer husband.
I know it sounds kind of unusual to say this, but there is no other way I understand it. Moreover, since the relationship at it stands brings doubt to your mind, you owe it to yourself to address those doubts.

No matter what the Roman Catholic church says, God's word says to obey the laws of the land ("submit yourself to every ordinance of man for the Lord's s. If in the eyes of the law you are divorced, then you are.

The good news is, if indeed the two of you have realized your mistakes and have decided to come back together, you should get married again. That, in my opinion, is the right thing to do.

Fairviews:

I understand what you are saying, but AFAIK, there are no laws against fornication in Alabama. That being the case, the LEGAL state of marriage has no bearing on what is fornication.

Therefore, fornication is a matter of religious or moral beliefs.

God gives us all free will. when we make a decision he respects that decision. In the old testement God gave Moses the laws for divorce because of the hardness of mans heart. you made your vows before God and he honors that. you get a divorce and he honors that. you need to get remarried before sex. do you want God to be the driving force in this marriage from now on? then don't start out with things that may or may not be right. you need to fully walk in the Lord in all of this or things will eventually fall back apart. you should be striving to get as close to Christ as possible, not 'how close can i get to a stick of dynamite when it goes off and not get hurt'.

All of this begs the real question. How are you and your husband doing? Is your relationship better? Are you handling problems better? Are you avoiding the mistakes that doomed your marriage? Are the kids doing well with mom and dad back together in a healthy relationshiop? Ok, that last one is a no brainer.

If things are going well, why not get married and make the question moot?

Hope all is well with you and your family. If you get a chance let us know how it's going. Take care....

You certainly may disagree. Wouldn't say otherwise.

But long ago I had considered a situation which may be applied to this particular poster and her circumstances. Only her situation differs from what I had been thinking about in that she and her husband were once 'legally' married.

Suppose she and her at one time husband reunited after a divorce but had not as yet submitted to a formal marriage ritual of some kind and were not officially remarried. They have every intention of doing so in the near future. However, prior to doing it they decide to go ahead with a cruise which could not be postponed without missing out on the opportunity to be a part of it. So they set sail, as it were ,to several ports of call on a two week excursion.

Misfortune meets up with them mid-journey and somehow they are swept overboard without anyone taking notice. But they manage to swim to a plush little island and find they are the only inhabitants. Finding fresh water and sufficient food they decide they aren't in any immediate danger and should fair well enough until their absence is discovered and a search begins.

Let's suppose a few days stretches into a few weeks. Still they are on the island without any indication of an imminent rescue.
Now remember they had been 'legally' married. They were decidedly going to become 'legally' married again following the cruise. Realizing this may not be possible for an indefinite span of time they decide to 'remarry' each other on the island.
And so they ,together, before God ,conduct their own 'ceremony' and pledge themselves to each other just as though they were back home.

For the sake of this story and this couple, let's further suppose that rescue doesn't occur for another 2 1/2 years.

Having done this, would you now regard their sexual union as fornication?

As for me, I would not. Of course, if you look at my first post in this thread I did not consider it fornication since they had been married. But now with these unique circumstances would you still consider it fornication?

Another hypothetical situation. A married couple is separated and in the process of getting a divorce. However, for one night they decide to have sex one last time. There are still legally married, but mentally, they are divorced. Fornication?

What if a couple is heading towards divorce and are mentally thinking of themselves as divorced. They change their mind and decide to stay together, and have SF. Fornication?

I tend to think that once you are married, it's not fornication until someone else is committed to another during the act. By that I mean, if they have a divorce, one gets in a relationship, ends relationship, and the once married couple get together.

In each of your examples, divorce is not as yet a fact. Therefore, 'legally' I don't suppose there can be fornication.

A 'legal' divorce does not exist until a civil judge enters a pronouncement to that effect.

But there is more involved than the 'legalities' of marriage.
This is true although many do not subscribe to the scriptural teaching on marriage and so are only concerned with the 'civil' statutes governing the relationship.

My hypothetical illustration was meant to incorporate the spirit of what marriage is without having the benefit of the civil recognition since it was not available at the time.

Your concluding paragraph introduces the subject of adultery which most often is entirely overlooked.