Well, to some up my situation. I filed last July for a divorce. He cheated on my pregnant, dropped me off at the hospital and left and been going to court ever since. We went to a child psychologist and he agreed that I get full/primary custody of the kids. I want to relocate 2 hours north because that is where I am from and my family is up there. The psychologist felt I should not move. He gets my one son every other weekend and one day a week. There would be no difference in seeing his children if I move. I want to start my life over. All of his family is here and I have no one. There are alot of reasons why I want to move. I currently live in a small town and moving back home (larger city) would provide me with a better job, better school system, the church is stronger up there, and I have the support of my family.

He was the one that cheated and left. He should be following me around.. Anyway, I am willing to take this to trial and fight this. This is my life and my kids. My ex can still be a father. 2 hours is not the end of the world. So, the courts are telling me that I can't move, can't better myself economically and I have to find another partner one day in this area? How crazy? What can I do to fight this and has anyone had any luck in just relocating 2 hours away? I am willing to drive 1/2 way too to transfer the kids.

in my agreement i can only move about 45 minutes away at most. i can live in this county and the next one over and that is it.

i am currently move to the next town over, about 20 minutes away, as i have family there and i want a fresh start for me and my kids.

if the courts have already told you no you are probably out of luck. you need to PROVE it is in the best interests of the CHILDREN to move them 2 hours away. YOUR best interests will not matter to the courts. just being honest.

i understand what you are saying and it sucks, but i think you are going to be stuck. unless you can prove that you have a wonderful job opportunity 2 hours away, that the schools would be better, that life for your children would be better, and that it would not greatly interfere with their father's visitation, you are going to be stuck.

mlhb

I have the 45 minute limit too, and though I met it, X still took me to court because he hated to drive to see his kids. Mine says I must stay in the same county, and need his permission to move out of state.

If the court has already ruled, it may be difficult. Which seems odd to me since he has so little time (which could be because they are so young). Perhaps the court expects him to get more time as they get older.

There are ways to prove it. A friend did alot of research, and believed she could make it happen but in the end decided to stay closer.

Suzanne, a 2-hour drive doesn't sound like a lot right now because you haven't done it repeatedly, week in, week out, year after year. Plus, a 2-hour round trip (assuming you drive half way) may make it more likely your STBX starts giving up his weekdays and later his weekends with the children. This would not be good for your children. Also, for young children spending 2 hours in the car each way is one week day and every-other-weekend is a lot of tiem in the car.

Why not move about 45 minutes to an hour closer to your old town? Then, you could commute there for a job, but still be reasonably close to your children's father.

I agree with GG..

mlhb

The reasons why I want to move is I live in the 4th povertous county in NY and the next county over is #1. I have a job prospect up in Rochester, NY ( my hometown) to make alot more money, they will help pay me to go back to school and better benefits. I am a single mom now and he forced me in this position by cheating and left me pregnant. I have two kids with him and he has three other children from three other woman. The church is 10x stronger up in Rochester with more church, youth activities than here. I am willing to give him a month in the summers to make up his weekday visit which is a 3 hour visit he gets once a week. Then, he gets the kids every other weekend. He is getting more time with the kids if I move. I am willing to drive 1/2 way so it is a totally of a two hour trip in the car for the kids. About 50 minutes for me to drive 1/2 way, and 50 minutes for their father to drive. I hear all the time how people do it. I have no family in this area and I need family support. I am taking this to trail and just want to be heard.
The courts want to see what is best for the kids, and they will have more opportunities and more time with their father if I move. I am giving him all holiday school recess and a month in the summer if I move. I am not moving a state away, I am moving 127 miles away. I want to move on with my life, better myself and my kids. He should be following me, he left, he broke his covenant and I simply want to better myself. I feel I have an argument and I am willing to take it to trial. If I lose then I know I went down fighting, everything would just stay the same as it is now so why not fight!

What you are missing is that this isn't about you and your ex. It is about the kids. Did you read Greengables post?

I have a 15 year old stepdaughter who lives 2 hours away and let me tell you 2 hours is a big deal. Think of school activites, sports, all those things that your children will want both parents at. You ex will have to drive 4 hours round trip and I know you don't care about him having to drive. But what will most likely happen is he will miss many events that your children will want him to be at.

The court already said no. So try to get the best job you can where you are and make the best of what life has dealt you.

One day when you get past being angry with your ex for putting you in this situation you will see that their relationship with their father is more important than job opportunities for you.

If you believe you must try, then try, otherwise you will always wonder about it.

For some parents, it doesn't matter how far it is, mine is 35 minutes and can't be bothered to attend events. Some live in the same town and don't attend the children's things.

The problem is, you will be changing jurisdictions, and the courts are already overwhelmed about what happens in their own jurisdiction, to be concerned about handling another family's location issues.

I have very mixed feelings on this. I do see your points regarding family and better job prospects - both aspects being good for you and your kids. But I also see everyone else's points as well. In my sitch, WstbxH and OW moved a mere 30 minutes away from OWH and it has drastically reduced the amount of time he sees his daughter, not to mention added a whole new realm of inconveniences to his life. In his case, it was his WstbxW that cheated, has primary residency of DD and moved so it appears very nasty.

I like GG's idea of moving part way so you're somewhere in between and accessable to both.

Also, Suzanne, please consider the age of your children. You do not have teenagers. You have young children for whom a week is a very long time. The child development experts are finding that younger children need more frequent visits with the non-resident parent. Instead of every other weekend, they are suggesting that for those under 2, 45 minutes to 2 hours every day or every other day.

Longer times away from the non-resident parent cause a loss of connection. Imagine what it will be like for your two young children to go spend a whole month with a man who is vertually a stranger to them?

Right now, and probably off and on for the rest of your life, you will wish your ex would just disappear. However, this would not be good for your children.

If you strongly feel you need to move to Rochester for work and family, I think you should work with your ex and maybe he will move too. If you get a better job, he'll pay less child support, so it would be a win-win.

It's important to put aside what you think your ex should have to do because of his actions. He will reap what he sows even if you never see it.

Another thought, if you take him to court over something that you've already lost, and you fight every step of the way, you may end up with a judgement you don't like. Courts are becoming more pro-father than they've been in a hundred years. You don't want to be seen as trying to keep the children from their father.

One last thought: Some of your anger may be directed at yourself. You may be mad that you married a man who has the track record your ex has. If that's the case, forgive yourself. You don't have to forgive him, but you go to bed every night with yourself. Life is better when you accept and forgive your own mistakes.

My ex has every right to fight and I understand his position. But, why can't people see mine? The church membership is ten times strong up in Rochester. I have better job opportunities and the schools are topped ranked in the state and nation. Where I currently live the schools are not even ranked. I don't hate my ex and I wish him the best, but I feel this is a win win situation for everyone is I move. The courts already ordered every other weekend with three hours on Tuesdays. I was awarded full custody with primary placement but it really means nothing if I can't make the decisions that will be best for my kids because I am stuck in this area. I want them strong in the church and there is no youth program here and kids are falling away.

I am willing to negotiate money if I get a good paying job. My kids are missing out on the relationship with my side of the family as well. I have family up there that will support me. Once my divorce is final... well I'm on the outs with his family. They will always be loyal to him.

All in all, if I have to stay here 18 years at least I know that I fought to be able to move and it will be alittle easier to stay here 18 yrs than wonder if I didn't fight. I want the best for me and my kids. THey can still see their father. I'm not taking that away.

I guess I don't see how good schools and an extended family makes up for not seeing your father very Tuesday. A strong father presence is really important for children, though girls and boys need it in different ways. Boys seem to need it to keep them in line otherwise, like dogs they try to become the Alpha. Girls need it to develop self confidence.

Another factor in large distances is that as the kids grow up, they become more involved in various sports, extracurricular activities and other things. It is really difficult to be involved in these things when you spend every second weekend out of town. This creates a very bad atmosphere for coming teens who are by nature going to rebel.

Good point, Tabby, and it feeds directly into Suzanne's desire to have her children active in the church youth.

Suzanne, every other weekend, my children miss Sunday school because their with their father. So far, they have never been able to be in the Christmas pagent because of the schedule. And my ex lives 10 minutes away from me.

I understand you want the kids to be in better schools and you want a better job. Have you tried working this out with your ex? If you move 80 minutes closer to Rochester and he moves 40 minutes closer than he is now, couldn't that work?

However, if you go to court to be able to move that far away, he may be less likely to work with you. If he flat out refuses to work with you, then, go to court. And, you have time. Your children are young. You just had the baby. That's at least 5 years before kindergarten. I'm not sure how old the older child is but you can still take a year or two to try to work something out.