(quote]How did it go?

Did you look good? Were you upbeat? Did you try to Plan A at all? (/quote]
I always try to look my best but he doesn't seem to notice.
My son has me running around like crazy, don't have time to do anything for myself......

What are you working on that will improve your sitch?

[ I haven't started to look because I don't have the money to get a place of my own, that is why I wish that all this would be over with soon.

calibabeus

I don't have an advice to offer you but i wanted to lend my support to you and say that you are in my prayers. I really hope that everything works out for the best for your and your family.

Cali,

I am so sorry that you are having to deal with financial difficulties along with infidelity.

Do you have any financial support coming from your husband? Are you working full time and if so how are you juggling it with your baby? Do you have any extended family to lean on? I think it would help strengthen you to have some sort of support foundation underneath you either from family or friends, etc to call on when needed.

I saw my WH today when I went to drop off our DS. He stood by my side and began crying. He then told me if I could give him a hug because he was going through a rough time and needed a hug from me. He tried kissing me and wanted to get intimate. It has been six months since we were last living together and all of a sudden he wants to do things and if everything were back to normal? He said he wants to feel that I still care for him because he feels NO one cares for him anymore.

all of a sudden he wants to be loved? he says he doesn't want the D to be final, yet he says I'm the one that needs to change. I've reached a point in my life where I feel I need to move on with or without him. I need to to this for our DS, I can't wait for him to get out of FOG. How do I know when his intentions are real and he really wants to change to save his family? Advise is greatly appreciated. Thanks to all who have lend out support during this time in my life, you all have really helped me get past this stage.

Yesterday my WH found out I was going to go have dinner with my co-workers to celebrate my b-day and started sending REALLY UGLY text messages. They really hurt me big time! He told me what a low sl&^ and I was, that I was probably going around sleeping with different men, that he wished I were dead, how sorry he felt for ever having met me. After he calmed down, he told me he was sorry and was acting this way because he didn't want to lose me and was angry to even think that I could be with another person. Why act this way????????? He told me time after time that he didn't care about me anymore and he wished I move on with my life with someone who would value me for who I am. Why does he even care what I do anymore? I look at the ugly words and they make me cry! It hurts because I know I have done nothing wrong--he was the one sleeping around with a sl%$, not me! =(

You can't ever know his intentions. His intentions make no difference in your life or marriage.

You can only know his actions. Only his actions can made a difference. And what are his actions saying, and saying loudly?

And what does he say you need to change?



Cali, you need to establish a very simple, easy to enact boundary in regards to this type of behavior.

WH calls and gets verbally abusive? YOU HANG UP.

WH texts abusively? YOU TURN OFF YOUR PHONE.

WH sees you and is rude to you. YOU WALK AWAY.

Stop volunteering to open yourself up to his cruelty.

The reality is that he may have some feelings of love for you, but it makes no difference because love is not what is being expressed to you.



This question makes no difference in your life or relationship. It doesn't matter what reason or excuse or justification he might produce - what he is doing is abusive.

You seem to feel that he is giving you confusing signals.

But he is not giving you confusing signals.

Your confusion is a result of giving way too much importance to the occasional "nice" thing he is saying, while giving way too little importance to the things he is actually doing.

The "why" may be a matter of control. Or anger. Or his abusive nature. Or mental illness. Or you are his chosen whipping boy. Or his sense of power. Or it is a habit to him.

But not a single on of those things has anything to do with loving you and reconciling your marriage.

What are some of the things you can do that will protect you from his behaviors? I'm sure several people can help you brainstorm responses that you can do when and if he continues to do this sort of thing.

How are you doing, Cal?

~ Marsh

Hello Marsh-

It has been a long time since I last logged onto this website. A lot of things have happened in my life. Time has helped me to move on. I was having trouble finding a place to stay for me and my DS since my WH had thrown us out, but luckily I have rented an apartment and am trying to get myself back on track.
I'm not driving by his job anymore, where he still works with the OW, I've learned that if he wants to be with her, then I can't force him to think otherwise. Ever since I stopped worrying about where he is at, what he is thinking, what he wants....I started concentrating more on myself and my DS. I feel so much better now! I really do!
Nowwwwwwwwww, he is being all lovey dovey, wanting to hug me, kiss me, make love to me, hold my hand, take me out places. I don't believe half of what he is saying, because he is doing nice things for me, but under his conditions. I know that will never change, so why get my hopes up. Thanks to all who gave me so much support and encouragement during my time of suffering. An "A" is something that I don't wish upon on any M, good luck to all who are trying to save your M. one thing I have to say....God does things for a reason, Believe in him because he will never abandon us!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Have you given Plan B any thought recently?

Not really, I don't want to be in a relationship where the feelings are not there anymore. He caused so much damage to me and he destroyed all the love that I had for him. I begged, I cried, I suffered, I waited and waited for him come to him senses. I just basically lost it. I don't want to look back at all. He dropped my self esteem so low and right now I'm working hard at regaining my confidence back. I don't want any of the past in my life......I don't think its worth it. I still let him see our DS, he has him two days out of the week, so I'm thinking everything is fine the way it is. I'm happy right now and I think that is what counts right now cause I haven't felt this way in such a lonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnggggggggggg time...

I had been doing very well! My WH and I had been separated and going through with the D for over a year. It has been lengthy because he has been fighting non stop for our 1 year old DS. He constantly says that our DS is the love of his live and means the world to him. Well Guess what? I saw the OW at the store this past weekend and she is 6 months pregnant from him. If he has her pregnant, why does he still keep bothering me and constantly calling me up telling me how much he loves me and can't be without me? I was able to leave my disastrous M behind, why can't he do the same? He keeps on using her, goes with her places, has her buying him stuff. I don't give him anything anymore. I felt so bad when I found out the news, but I really think its because of my son. I feel that when the new baby is born, my DS will not be part of my WH's life like he currently is. Deep down inside, I knew this was going to happen and eventually it did. He wants me to be by his side during this time in his life. No one was in my life when I was going through the depression after he left me, why should I be there to help him? If any one has gone through similar situation, please shed some light my way. Any advise is greatly appreciated. Thanks!