P.S.
hello Chai!!!

I have been busy at work, not coming here as much these days.
but I have glanced a bit at your posts.

You have been in good hands.

Keep putting one foot in front of the other.
Don't feel like you have to make this big final decison to move on, to release your WH, to free him. It is ok to let a little more time go by.

Hey WoF,

Yep, I know this feeling... Mrs. RIF kept one A that I suspected and seven others from me for over 10 years... it was very hard to rebuild after so many years of lies...

It sounds like your DIL is very young and immature. Right now, I would be concerned about the grandkids... if something ever were to happen to your son, would she take care of the kids or spend it all on her new-found "friends"???

I would let your son know that for now, he needs to protect himself and the kids... and that means changing his SGLI and revoking any POAs that he executed before he deployed.

I think the BEST thing that you can do for your DIL is to pray for her. Pray that God would touch her heart and bring her back into the M. It's easy to get caught up in the emotions and anger... I see troops every day over here that are dealing with unfaithful wives and husbands back home and it just breaks my heart.

I'm praying for your son's safety and I'll pray for their M too.

Semper Fi,

RIF

Update- Still no confession from DIL about an A. But my DS called over the weekend and said that he has “heard through the grapevine” that she has been seen out with a “friend” of his. A single Marine who is still living down there in 29 Palms. They were seen at a concert together this past weekend. So I think we are about to find out why she “loves her H, but just isn’t in love with him anymore”

This news has helped my DS to realize he needs to take steps to protect himself. He doesn’t want to spend 7 months in Afghanistan, only to come home and find out his combat pay has been spent on her A.

He has an appointment to meet with the JA tomorrow to get the paper work for revoking the POA. He is going to send that to us, and we are going to send it to everyone we can think of – banks, her lawyer, etc.

He has all ready changed his beneficiary.

And, he finally talked to his CO. He had to tell him why he needs an urgent appointment with the JA. He told the CO that we have heard that she is no longer living in their house on base, but instead has moved into a house with another couple and 2 single Marines. The CO has promised to send a Sergeant to the house to check it out. To see if perhaps she is living there with a fellow Marine…..who will soon find himself living somewhere else. I am so glad that someone is going over there to check it out, and see what is happening at the house. And hopefully we can find out what is happening with the kids during all this time.

What a mess.

I have visions of her partying, laughing, carrying on as if she hasn’t a care in the world.
Meanwhile, the kids are wondering what is happening.
You wonder if these WS’s EVER think about the future? Does she honestly think that her whole life is going to be this constant party all night? Or, does she think there is going to be some type of happily ever after with this new man? Her first M isn’t working out – she just needs to find a different man, and everything will be easy????

Where does that myth perpetuate itself?

This is great news. If OM is a fellow marine, he can contact his CO and get the two "lovebirds" split up.

Suddenly, the WW has made an amazing turn around
Something smells very fishy

Yesterday, DS called and told his Dad that he wanted us to call his WW and ask her to send us the POA. He was in the process of having it revoked anyway, but he wanted her to send it back, to make things easier. After all, he had just sent her a long letter confessing his un-dying love and committment to do whatever it takes to restore their M. Her response to him was just - I love you but I can not be M to you any longer. It is over, I am done.

So, assuming that it was over, he asked us to get the POA back, and to make arrangements to have $700 of his direct deposit given to her each month, and the rest transferred to a savings account for him.

when we called her last night to ask her to please send us his POA, as we would be helping him out while he was deployed. She refused to send it back, stating that her BH had not asked her to do that, so she would wait until he told her so.

this morning, he called his DAd to get an update, and his Dad said "you need to call her and tell her to send it to us".
he called her, and 45 minutes later called his dad to say:
"Put a hold on everything for now. She doesn't want to D right now. She needs access to the bank account, to get money, because she just quit her job, and she wants to work things out with me now."

how many people would agree with me, that she is up to no good.

WOF,

You get my vote. She doesn't want to lose the money. I would recommend that he send her the $700 per, and keep some aside for himself. She may not send the POA, but a new one should supercede the one she has. Consult with the JAG office at his base here, and have him consult with JAG where he is.

There is a game going on, you are right about that.

Bless you for helping your son like this. I know it is tough on you and your H, but you are doing the right thing.

God Bless,

JL

PS: My grandfather did something like this for my Father when he was stationed in Hawaii. His then young bride was running around it seems. It was good that it got sorted out before Pearl Harbor, because he did not have to deal with an unfaithful W and combat at the same time. My father was very grateful to his Dad for all he did for him in that time period and he was for his entire life.

JL
Thank you for your post
I have worried, all along, that if we appear to be too "angry" with her, that later on , if they reconcile, we will be labeled troublemakers.
so every time my H has suggested that DS needs to protect himself, his finances, and his kids, I have always followed up with "remember, this does not mean your M is over. you can still recover. This just means that you are protecting yoruself so that recovery will be better"

Someone's being used.

Any explanation as to why she suddenly quit her job?

"She doesn't want to D right now. She needs access to the bank account, to get money, because she just quit her job, and she wants to work things out with me now."

Oh, dear god, WOF, your poor poor son is falling for her lies - she is just after the money and once she cleans out that bank account she will be right back in D-Land again - do NOT let her do this! Please do something to make your son realize what she is really doing!
Mulan

I am just sick about the whole thing

right now, there is no money in his account anyway. We have the passwords,and we checked last night,and there was about $12.00 in there
But he gets paid tomorrow
So the plan was: allow his full paycheck to go into the account,leave $700 in there for her to use, and then transfer the rest to a savings account in his name only.

After all, $700 is probably the amount that she would get for CS anyway.And since she does not want to be married to him anymore,then she may as well start her new life right now. And her new life will get her $700 a month

At this point - we still have no proof of an A. I would imagine that he probably said "I hear you were at a concert with so-and-so" and she probably answered with "I was with a group of people, not just him"
I can imagine that she has had an excuse for everything.

About her quitting her job - I think she is using this as a way to win him back now. when he first left for Afghanistan, she said she would quit her job so she could stay home with the kids. he was glad for that. Then, as soon as he left, she announced that she liked her job, and wasn't going to quit. So he got mad. Then she says that he is trying to control her and keep her home, and won't even let her work anymore, and that is why she couldn't stay M to him.

I suspect she probably lost her job, but now she is telling him that she quit. He takes that as a sign that she is trying to do the right thing.

Now I am just blabbering on

I am just so disgusted taht she is pulling all of this while he is over there, and we are 1000 miles away, so NO ONE can really see what is going on!

Update
over the weekend, Step Son called to say that things were fine for now, she wasn't ready to end the M, he wasn't sure what he was going to do yet. He was no longer interested in revoking the POA - said he did not want to make her mad. he was feeling sorry for her.

He called late last night. he received an Anonymous email, saying, basically, "I know you are currently deployed, and I am sorry to bother you with this, but you need to know that your W is cheating on you with XXX. I have seen his truck parked in your driveway every night, all night. I have also seen them openly affectionate with each other in front of your house. I am sorry to bother you with this - but you have a right to know what is going on. I don't know you very well, but you should also know that I doubt the baby she is carrying is yours"

So...first off, what baby is she carrying? If she is pregnant, and we don't know about it?

At this point, I feel like we have proof that another Marine is living with her, in my sons house! While he is at war!!.
So I called an information line at the base and said that I wanted someone to go over there right now and make sure that this marine does not spend one more night in my sons house.

But the guy I spoke to advised me to get my proof first, before I send soemone oever there. he was afarid that if we don't get evidence first, and she finds out we are on to her, the two of them will just go into hiding, and then we won;t be able to get out proof. This guy was afrid that if we sent someone over there to knock on the door, and the cheaters weren't there, that would alert them to go further into hiding.

So now we are trying to figure out how to get proof.

We live 1500 miles away.

Can I just say, that I do not know what sort of woman she is, to be carrying on like this. With my 2 grand kids there?

Hire a local (local to your daughter in law) private investigator to get the truth. It doesn't sound like it will take much effort, it doesn't sound like they are trying very hard to hide it.

I can. She's an adulteress, who doesn't care one bit about ANYBODY but herself right now (that is IF she IS cheating). Hire a PI. Get some photos and information, then call the base and have him removed. It would be in your step son's best interest to revoke that POA. Once your stir up this hornets nest, you have NO idea what to expect. Your guidance is PARAMOUNT right now. I remember Dday clearly, and I was not able to think rationally at the time, and I wasn't in the midst of fighting more than one WAR.

Sounds like your step son is afraid he will lose his WW. HE may, but it won't be because he protected himself and his children.

Our MILITARY can't think of a better way than this to get information?

I vote for getting a P.I. too.

Like your son, we all wanted to be in denial and pretend everything is fine. Meanwhile our waywards were taking advantage of us.

Luckily, you know he needs to be protected.

Hire a PI. I will be worth it.

The only person lower than someone who cheats on their deployed spouse is the person who would fool around with the spouse of a deployed service member.

My thoughts are with him and I wish him a safe return.

So does your son admit now that things are not, in fact, "fine"? Does he have any friends that he can trust to keep an eye on the house and to take pictures of the truck being parked there over night? Even if he does though, I would still recommend a private investigator, because they will be much more thorough, and you don't run the risk of a friend being recognized.

After you get the proof, go after this guy with the full weight of the military behind you and don't stop until he has been crucified. In the meantime, your son should definitely revoke the POA and put her on an allowance to pay for the kids well-being.

He definately admits that things are not fine
she is still pretending that she wants to stay M to him. He has not told her what he knows. He calls her once every couple of days to see how she is doing, and she never lets on that she has someone else lving with her.

Even though I have been through the lies, and the betrayel of my 1st H's adultrey, it still amazes me to watch it happen to someone else. How can she talk to her H on the phone as if nothing is wrong, when OM is sleeping in her H's bed?!
Just two weeks ago she claimed to be done with the M, wanted a D right away, wasn't "in love with him" anymore. But as soon as he took steps to protect his finances, she was suddenly in love with him again. She is clearly trying to get his money - and I still can not beleive she is capable of it.

After all, I have known this woman for 3 years. We have had girl talks. we have shared things. I can not believe she is doing this horrible thing.

So, at this point she has not been confronted about OM. we are still gathering proof. We are hopeing to get pictures, but it is hard to figure out who can be trusted to do so without calling attention to themselves. His close friends are all with him, in Afghanistan. He had 3 friends who he knew on a casual basis, who are still down there on base. One of them is the OM, and the other 2 are close friends of the OM. These 3 Marines should be deployed with their unit, but they have been held back because they are currently involved in a legal battle. They got drunk one night and beat up a new marine, to the extent that he ended up in the hospital. They called it "initiating him". The corps called it hazing, and they were arrested just before their unit was deployed. So while they are awaiting their court date, they are still on base, and one of them is openly consorting with a fellow Marines W.

So you can see that once again, when a WS picks an A partner, they do not pick the cream of the crop. This guy will eventually end up in the brig for the hazing incident, and probably for the A as well. What an idiot. And what will the WW have left then? She is ruining her life - her future - her self respect,with some punk who is mst likely using her while he is on base. She is 22. he is 20. Do you think he really wants to stick around to help raise her 2 kids? What about when one of the kids throws up in his truck? or requires some of mommys time, when he was hoping to have mommy all to himself.

WOF5,
I agree with your assessment that she just wants his money and wants to keep him funding her affair. The idea of a PI has come up a few times in this thread. Have you thought about that at all or is it out of the question due to financial reasons?

Also, did he try replying to the anonymous email to see if he could enlist the sender's help with obtaining some proof?

Do you mind saying what region of the country this is in? Or did I miss that earlier in the thread?

29 Palms, CA

About the PI-

My H and I have talked about this since day 1 - I apologize for not addressing it earlier.

When we actaully sit down to figure out a way to hire one we run into two issues:
1. How do you find a reputable one? We can do a google search, which I have, but we live 1000 miles away. We would have to send hundreds of dollars to a stranger that we picked out of a phone book. So....we talk about flying down there to talk to someone in person, but if we were going to fly down there, we would probably just try to catch her in the act ourselves. We are more likely to spend the money on a lawyer.

2. There is extra work involved in actually getting a PI on base. She lives on base - 29 Palms - you don't just drive through the front gate, show up in the middle of base houseing, and start taking pictures - know what I mean??

DS has been talking to his S Sgt about options, and the S Sgt believes that there is all ready enough proof, without pictures, to get this guy picked up. Especially with his past history of bad behaviour. But DS does not want to "sound the alarm" and alert her that we all know what is happening, and have her soul mate arrested, until we have pictures. I suspect my DS needs to see the proof for himself....although he won't admit that. At this point, DS has passed our contact info onto his S Sgt, and said "Please contact my parents to make arrangemnets for a PI" but we have not heard from him yet.

About the anonymous emailer - DS has asked if this person can get pictures, but still no response there. This person really wants to remain annoymous, but they have agreed that if/when the OM is arrested, they would be willing to speak up and testify to seeing his truck in front of the house many nights, overnight, and also seeing blatant public affection.

so...there is the possiblity of a PI, and possiblity that someone down there will come up with the proof.

I think that within the next week or so, the crap is going to hit the fan. These two waywards have not tried to hide ANYTHING and I think that this WW's world is going to colapse around her, with very little effort on our part.

Whether you call it Bad Karma, the Providence of God, or whatever, you do not continue to treat people the way she is, and flaunt your infidelities, and treat yourself to your own perverted brand of "happiness" without having it all come crashing around you.