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Sleepless nights
Uneaten dinners
Heartwrenching thoughts
It's all too much at times, but I can't seem to stop. As much as part of me is screaming to stop loving you it's just not possible. Not as long as I have breath.
It doesn't matter if I want to wait or not
I wait.
Last edited by MJ63; 06/01/08 07:41 AM.
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I feel for you. I'm going through some of the same right now.
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Thanks RMW, Actually today has been a very good day for me. I've "seen the light" so to speak. I can go on with my life and get out of this waiting game, I have more power than I realized in all of this. What I need to do is going to be hard and going to be painful, but I need to take care of myself. If I was loved the way I thought I was loved then none of this would be happening.
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MJ
Could've written those words myself, told her exactly that today. We can choose HOW we wait though, it could make a difference for some.
"if your leg had cancer and the doctor told you you could save it with months of agonizing surgery and therapy or you could cut it off now and save some pain what would you do?" You would survive either way and be happy, but if you cut it off you would walk with a limp for the rest of your life.
I want to walk again...without a limp
FWH/BS (me)42, FBS/WW 39, married 18 yrs, WW A discovered 3/03/2008, my A discovered 06/2003
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This was to be our week.
Did I miss something? Was there something I missed when we planned to have the same week vacation? I thought you had agreed to this? When we planned it did you know you wouldn't be here for me? I mean I am fine, not to worry, my life goes on. It's just a weird feeling knowing why I chose this week and now things are totally different.
The birds are still singing and the world is still spinning. The world is going on as if you're not gone. I am ok with you gone, it's ok just as long as things are going well for you and I think they probably are.
Be strong and be happy.
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You know...when I read your posts, I smell an OW rat.
This is a MARRIAGE BUILDERS site...NOT a Marriage BUST-UP site for you to try and communicate with a MM.
Leave whatever family you are trying to destroy alone, and go find a SINGLE and AVAILABLE man.
"Your actions are so loud that I can't hear a word you're saying!"
BW M 44 yrs to still-foggy but now-faithful WH. What/how I post=my biz. Report any perceived violations to the Mods.
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OKAY! Enough already. The cat is out of the bag!
MJ: I know who you are. I have known who you were on here for months. You just ALWAYS think you must have the last word and I am going to stand up for my wifely rights and tell you to "BACK OFF AND GO AWAY!!"
Gary is MY husband and has been my husband all along. Writing poetry of your pain and waiting (for my marriage to end) is cruel here when people are working to repair their marriages from OW like yourself. You have stalked me here long enough, so please just GO AWAY!
HEARTACHE aka WADEALLIE
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MJ63: I figured this constant interference in my marriage would have ended with your last ditch attempt to justify your affair with MY HUSBAND by sending me your long-winded email. Let me assure you there is no justification for adultery!!
There is no forgiveness for YOUR actions so do not email me again with your vile rationalizations and leave me and MINE alone.
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MJ63 give it up.
He has chosen his wife - not you, the OW.
What he shared with you was NOT special or real as you claimed in your e-mail to his BW. IMHO it was appaling that you told his BW that she needs to acknowledge your adultery with her husband as supposedly being more than it was. It was just adultery.
Leave Hearts_Ache and her husband alone.
Your brazenness in coming to a marriage building site in an attempt to get a message through to her FWH and/or to harrass her, is disgusting IMHO.
Last edited by meremortal; 08/07/08 12:44 PM.
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MJ63, what you had with this married man was no more romantic than 2 pigs rutting in the pig pen. There is nothing "romantic" or beautiful about adultery. It is filthy and abhorrent and disgusting.
I am sure your parents, children, employer, friends, would all feel the same way if they knew you crawled in the pig pen with a married man and wallered around in the sewage. Decent people are disgusted by pigs.
It has nothing to do with "love" but with disrespect, selfishness and deceit. You know he would never leave his family for this. You know that affairs never last and this is why. Just accept it and leave this woman alone.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Imagine my surprise at finding this thread my first time visiting the poems forum...
MJ, I am not an OP or wayward basher. You can look through my posts and verify that. I truly believe affairs are a slippery slope and once the fog sets in...people can end up making very bad decisions.
But your display of deceitfulness in posing here as a BS while trying to manipulate your lover's BW is truly disturbing to me.
How low are you willing to stoop? I think you need to be really honest with yourself. This goes way beyond fog and typical OP behavior. I am being very serious here...Please go get yourself some help.
Last edited by thisbitterpill1; 08/08/08 07:27 AM.
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some of MJ63's "helpful" posts to Heartsache, the betrayed wife: The only way off the rollercoster is to get off. Stop checking on him, he's made a decision. Take care of yourself, do something good for yourself. Stay busy doing things you enjoy. Is snooping around going to change things? Your H sounds like a very nice man before the H if he's meant to come back he will. Forcing things just upset you and isn't changing anything. Good luck. H_A
I know I don't want to be in a relationship with any man that doesn't know 100% that he wants to be with me. I expect to feel the same way about him too. If it's not 100% then forget it. I don't know at what point we say enough is enough and do what we need to do to take care of ourseleves. I understand you have a M to think about but you also have yourself to think about. Do what makes you happy and what bring you joy, even if it's for a little while. Perhaps you need to get into IC for yourself. H_A,
I said to my ex-H, "if she is the love of your life and you think you can have a nice life with her and be happy then that's what you should do." I was tired of his going back and forth, his sneaking off to see her when he said he was devoted to our M. He had always loved the OW, they were engaged at one time before he met me. I always felt like second best, he always threw it in my face he wished he'd married her. Finally all the fight left me, I was not going to stand in his way of his happiness or what he thought was his happiness. Sometimes the hardest thing is just to let go, let go of the thing we want the most and let things happen. We can't control everything, least of all someone elses feelings. We run a home, raise kids, take care of everyone and it sucks that relationships sometimes don't work out, but life has to go on, we have children to raise, things to do, life to live. If my H had stayed I would have always felt like the loser. I am not saying that you're going to feel that way, just that has been my experience and how I feel today about my past experience. H_A
Your comments make me wonder what kind of man would take advantage of a women that desperate? Sure, I know for sex, uncommitted sex, but still. There are moral issues all the way around on that one. It sure does suck when things become twisted and confused. The obession about snooping is one that drives me crazy at times. Then I wonder why bother? If it's just making me crazy and not really helping then I guess it's time to stop. Secrets are never a good thing in a marriage, but being obsessive isn't a good thing either Isn't the truth always better? If it were your wife having an affair wouldn't you want to know? Is it fair to the OW to be stringing her along? I am not saying these things to be mean, but think of everyone involved. If you want to stay married then do what needs doing to make it work, if you want to be with the OW then do what needs doing to be with her. I know I make it sound easy and I know it's not, but really you said yourself you can't live like that anymore. H_A,
Good luck tonight. I think it's good you're keeping busy, it's hard not to worry and think about things. One thing I've learned is that someone is going to do what they want regardless of the way I feel about it. I try not to worry about things out of my control. Coming from a family life of drinkers there was always something to worry about. The serenity prayer has helped me thru a lot of situations. You sound like you are a strong women and can face whatever happens tonight. Heart,
Could be time for you to figure out what you need to do for you and let him figure out what he needs to do for him. It really sounds like this is all about him and not about you at all. At times it doesn't even sound like its' about the OW. Maybe he is alien. LOL If the OW was not in the picture where do you think your M would be? He got caught having the affair, he didn't come clean on his own. It sounds like he feels guilty for hurting you but not about having the affair.
When my exH had his affair I knew it was because our marriage was in trouble, but it still hurt that he went outside the marriage and didn't come to me and try to tell me what he was feeling. I guess he didn't feel open to talking to me. Probably if he told me he was thinking about an A I would have kicked him out anyway. I guess we can't make someone want to try if they don't want too.
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Very strange and pathetic that she would invest so much time in trying to manipulate her lover's BW.
MJ, this reads as very desperate behavior... How desperate are you to feel good about yourself? Again, please get yourself some help....like, yesterday.
HA and HA's H, please protect yourself. Not to be overly dramatic but I have a bad feeling this woman isn't stable.
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Sleepless nights
Uneaten dinners
Heartwrenching thoughts
It's all too much at times, but I can't seem to stop. As much as part of me is screaming to stop loving you it's just not possible. Not as long as I have breath.
It doesn't matter if I want to wait or not
I wait. Stop 'waiting' - stop wasting your time. You will need to go through withdrawals because you are addicted to the chemical high from the adultery. Obsessing over the high the adultery gave you will not help you withdraw. The sooner you accept the fact that it was nothing special - just adultery, then the sooner you can heal and move on. He has returned to his wife; his wife has taken him back in spite of your deceptive tactic of posting/POSING here at MB's, trying to convince her to just give up on her husband and move on (so you could have your husband). I have seen the repulsive e-mail you sent to his wife and IMHO you are under the false impression that just because you were able to con her husband into committing adultery with you, into buying your 'good girl' and this is 'real love' act, that you mistakenly believe you can also con his wife into validating your 'innocence' and plot to steal her husband. IMHO you are either the most brazen or the most delusional form of OW. (IMHO it is also a cruel and rude form of deception to not inform the posters here at MB's that you are an OW. Some of the posters here do not want to be lied to and to inadvertantly give support to an OW bent on destroying a marriage!) His wife does NOT owe you any sort of apology and she most certainly does not need to validate your adultery by pretending that it was 'real love'! And NO you are NOT just like her! She was having sex with her own husband, as a wife; You were having sex with her husband, as an adulteress. Not the same thing at all.
Last edited by meremortal; 08/08/08 09:59 AM.
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Sleepless nights
Uneaten dinners
Heartwrenching thoughts
It's all too much at times, but I can't seem to stop. As much as part of me is screaming to stop loving you it's just not possible. Not as long as I have breath.
It doesn't matter if I want to wait or not
I wait. Big Trigger for me because my DH's OW's name was MJ. If this is THAT MJ... you just haven't learned. This is scary... "as long as I have breath". Reminds me of the bunny-boiler scene in Fatal Attraction. Look in the mirror. You'll see a person who has no regard or respect for others. Sick.
Widowed 11/10/12 after 35 years of marriage
*********************
“In a sense now, I am homeless. For the home, the place of refuge, solitude, love-where my husband lived-no longer exists.” Joyce Carolyn Oates, A Widow's Story
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Is this what is referred to as a 'friendemy'?
MJ was posing as an online friend here at MB's for the purpose of trying to talk the BW into giving up on recovery efforts with her WH.
In my years here at MB's I've seen several examples of WS's and OP's posting here, sometimes deceitfully pretending to be BS's in order to get support for their evil agenda... others don't even hide the fact they are adulterers but simply because THEY claim the marriages they destroy were 'already over' or 'dead' there are some posters here who will offer 'help' and 'support' for the adulterous relationship!
Last edited by meremortal; 08/08/08 11:41 AM.
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Well, I think MJ should go back down to the bar and wait for some new SNGLE guy from out of town (who doesn't know she's been ridden hard and put up wet) to show up, so she can pretend to be this nice, sweet woman who's not really a bunny-boiler. If she's quick, she'll get to him before all the other men in town can warn him!
"Your actions are so loud that I can't hear a word you're saying!"
BW M 44 yrs to still-foggy but now-faithful WH. What/how I post=my biz. Report any perceived violations to the Mods.
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MJ, Have you no decency or self respect? What a low desperate pathetic slithering snake-like thing to do, spying on and attempting to manipulate HeartsAche on Marriage Builders by posing as a helpful caring poster when in reality you're the OW in their sitch. Please, get yourself some professional help. Sleepless nights
Uneaten dinners
Heartwrenching thoughts
It's all too much at times, but I can't seem to stop. As much as part of me is screaming to stop loving you it's just not possible. Not as long as I have breath.
It doesn't matter if I want to wait or not
I wait. Better get use to it because things aren't changing.
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Sleepless nights
Uneaten dinners
Heartwrenching thoughts
It's all too much at times, but I can't seem to stop. As much as part of me is screaming to stop loving you it's just not possible. Not as long as I have breath.
It doesn't matter if I want to wait or not
I wait. Hmmm... so all that advice you gave here at MB's to the BW was pure hypocrasy, eh? You know the he's made his choice so why don't you just 'take care of yourself' and move on 'encouragement'. Why don't YOU take that advice yourself now instead of 'waiting' for her husband to resume his adultery with you? Go on now, get on with your life WITHOUT HER husband.
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