Believe me, that IS the better crowd.

CONV, allow me to give some in-sight, although... some of my situation is a little different. i am a 30yr old man.. i have been married to my wife who is also 30 for 8 yrs now... i met my wife on the internet.. in a chat room.. for 2yrs on and off... i would talk with her a little here, a little there, through online and on the phone.. she would at times make excuses not to talk with me on the phone. anyways.. when we started dating.. and we would talk to get to know each other.. i had asked the type of friends or crowd that she would hang around with... well she told me that she had some girl friends... but she mostly hung out with guy friends.. well... i asked her what kind of guy friends are they (back at the time). why don't you introduce me to them.. so i can get an idea of the crowd she would hang around with.. well... she was a little hesitant and told me, these are not the type of friends that you would like.. not the type you are use to... (somehow she can read people well) anyhow.. i asked what kind of guy friends are these? do they do drugs or what? than she told me.. these guy friends of mine... we used each other for sex. allow me to elaborate... THEY USED EACH OTHER FOR SEX. her story, shortly spoken about.. when she was in high school... she wasn't really thinking about dating guys... and until she went to college and met her bestfriend there (who is a gay male, no problem with that) thats when she started going out with different guys.. and as they say.. had friends with benefits.... she even had a threesome with two guys...

here is my point... i had a few sex partners prior to her... but, i didn't really have friends with benefits... but i was seeing an older woman... that used me for sex..and i didn't know about this until a friend of mine told me... i have confronted her with this issue before... they way she would see it is... so what, so i f**k*d other guys... whats the big deal... you had other girls before me... and now 8 years later... or let me say 8.5 years later... these memories have re-surfaced... the problem that i have with her is... the fact thay she was able to take sex so free without emotions... to fullfil her needs.. she was wild... and why didn't she save most of this sexual urge for the man she was going to commit to in the future. when we started dating... she cut these guys off completely... she even told me, one of these guys she messed around with was married... but she didn't know that at the time... and when she found out... she cut him off... but she didn't know this because... she said that he got into her head... i don't understand how someone can get into another persons head... what so they mean by that? so i came along and she stopped all this.. because of what she did before me... given the fact that i was trying to meet her for 2yrs... and wasn't given a time or day... i feel cheated... of not haven been given the chance by her.... and experience some things with her.

you fiance feels how she feels... because she feels that she is not good enough... or will not be good enough for, because she loves you. i feel cheated because of lost time... and others got to have some slight wild urge experiences with her and not me... granted that she married me.... and we have 3 beautiful kids together. i'm at the point... where i'm starting to bond with GOD to help me forget... and hopefully forgive her for this.

The past is the past, it needs left there...If she at this point can only see you had sex with other women and she needs to get over it there is something else wrong...

Betrayal..what betrayal...You were not with her when these things happened, she fell in love with 'you' suppossidly and that includes your growing up mistakes...

If she can't realize that the past cannot be undone, nor is it her job to chastise or feel justified in saying that she needs "to get over it". She has nothing to get over. You past mistakes are YOURS.

My wife gives me crap about women I've been with before her and she was hardly a virgin.

My point is that it is just an insecurity that women have. If you are a good guy, then it will be ok. Be honest, but try to downplay your history. Answer her questions, but don't go in to excrutiating detail. If you don't think about it all that much, then say so. That will help. R