I'm fairly new here. Posted once because I found out my H was with a paid escort. Guess this is an update, kinda.

I've tried everything I know how, including plan A. Have a Keylogger on the computer. I know that he's still looking. Don't know that he's been with anyone since, unless he picked up a hooker on his days off.

Finally got him to talk to me last night. It would seem that the reason he's looking, wanting someone else and has been for some time is because the SF with me isn't good enough. I've never had an O. I'm going on 50 and not sure it will ever happen. He never mentioned it before but I kind of thought it might have something to do with it. I have to believe this is a deal breaker in his eyes. He said that's a big part of the fun. He doesn't know if I'm enjoying. Well I am. I've told him before that I really do enjoy even if I don't "get there"
I have to think this is something I can't fix. If we were to stay together I have to believe he would continue to look for someone else. I can't really blame him.
Just wish there was something I could do.
Guess I'm just venting here. I need to face the fact that it's over and I can't make him happy.

Do you want it to be over?

NO!!!
I love him with every fiber of my being!
I just don't know, if that's the reason, if I can make him happy.

Beck6434, I am sorry you have to deal with this.

As a guy in his 40s with a healthy libido, I have got to tell you that this:is pure rubbish. It is an excuse for selfishness and self entitlement. And guess what - he is trying to make you feel guilty for his adolescent behavior. Don't let his babble effect you. He is full of it.

If you want it, fight for it.

Are you depositing in his LB? Have you done the EN questionairres?

Thank you. I want to believe you. But do know that I've always felt bad about this. My H isn't the first to comment on it. I guess I have a complex about it and maybe H picks up on that and uses it for an excuse. I don't know. I do know that I've asked him many times, 'What can I do to make it better, what do you like?'
He doesn't answer. Just say things are fine.
Until last night

I filled mine out over the weekend. He has not as far as I know.

beck, you are obviously very self conscious about this. I understand why you feel the way you do but I can assure you that it is not the reason for his behavior.

This:is very caring and most men would be thrilled to hear that from their partner. You know the cliché - love is about giving...

I think you really need a good plan A. Seek out an IC. Work on YOU. Try to be the best individual you can and attempt to make deposits in his love bank.

I'm just afraid that he's not interested in working things out. He says he is, then he goes on the computer contacting other women. He puts his profile on singles sites and answers ads on craigslist. Because of the keylogger, I know that he's writing to one women that lives not far from us. I don't know what I'll do if he meets up with her. There's nothing I can do to stop it. He's home on Fridays while I'm working. I've been talking to my boss about working from home on Fridays and he's trying to set that up. Don't know how long that will take though.

Sorry that you are here and what he did is sick and unjustifiable.

I'm not going to address the infidelity. I'm going to offer you an idea that directly addresses the very "problem" you seem to be having.

Get a book by Victor Frankl called "Man's Search for Meaning". It's short. Only 156 pages. His ideas led to what is called logotherapy.

He addresses a case of a woman with the same exact issue you say you have and how he helped her solve it.

It is one of the best books I've ever read and I've read it twice and am looking to read it a third time, it's that good.

You can crank it out in a weekend.

The advice in there can help you deal with all aspects of your life.

Now the personal question: Haver you ever had one on your own or with someone else?

What do you think about the two of you going to a sex therapist?

No. I think I've come close, but never gotten there.

I don't believe he would consider it. Not that we could afford it anyway.

Well, I asked my husband again last night if he would fill out the EN questionaire. His reply was "I'm not (my ex husband). I won't sign my name to paperwork so you can turn it over to a lawyer" He was referring to the fact that when I divorced my first H I drove across state to hand deliver the papers knowing that with me standing there he wouldn't bother to read them, just sign them to get me out of there. H had a very bad divorce from his first wife. She closed their bank account taking all the money, changed the locks on the doors while he was at work and informed him when he came home that he didn't live there anymore. He found out a week later that she was having an A. They had 3 kids and she made things really hard for him. He seems to expect the same treatment from me although I've given him no reason to. At least not that I'm aware of. I asked him if he would be willing to at least sit down and discuss the EN questionaire. He said we'll see. I'm just not at all sure that he wants to try to save this M.

beck6434,

Maybe you could learn how to fake an O more convincingly, the way hookers and escorts do.

If he thinks THEY are having O's, he's a fool.

you're right about that I'm sure!
As for faking it, having never had one, I'm not sure how.. that's sounds rather naive doesn't it?

Not at all.

Have you seen "When Harry Met Sally"?

Several times in fact

I did actually think about that, just thought it would be a little obvious... having never and then all of sudden? I have to also wonder if that is just an excuse anyway. That in reality, he just isn't interested in me anymore.

Why not read the book that is suggested here, go to the book store and see if you can find another. He's going to see that you're doing some 'homework' and then if it happens, he'll think it's because you became educated.
I'm not sure about other women, but this is something that requires a little outside stimulation. It's not accomplished just through intercourse alone (at least for me). Do a little research and give it a try. You'll be happy you did.

Thank you, I do plan to do that. I also have a book at home that I got several years ago, before I met my husband. I didn't get very far in it. Need to look at it again.