Hello, Everyone! For those of you who remember me, hey hey!! It's been awhile since I've been here and that's a GOOD thing!! I'm doing well and practicing many of things I've learned here at MB in my dating relationships :-)


In case you want to skip to the end :-)-- This is taking place in the state of Maine.

A few months ago, my sister made the decision to leave her marriage of 14 years or so.

At one time, her husband told her that if she ever tried to leave him, she would end up penniless and without the kids (two of them-- ages 8 and 11, a boy and girl). True to his word, he is doing everything in his power to make sure that happens.

He has made allegations of sexual abuse against her-- using an innocent picture as the basis. Two judges have advised him to drop the accusations, but he is insistent and so she is under investigation. Of course her visits are supervised and quite limited. There is currently a "guardian" assigned to investigate for which my sister and her husband have to pay.

In the meantime he is poisoning the kids against her and it is so painfully and sadly obvious. Even the kids' counselor has advised her that it is happening and she needs to spend as much time with the kids as possible. The kids of gone from crying about her being gone-- to telling her how much they hate coming to her apartment and that she hasn't been "saved" (what 8 year old accuses their mother of that on their own?) and she's a sinner and that no one likes her anymore.

They live in a very small town and this whole thing has some pretty unbelievable elements to it. When my sister called the sheriff to report harrassment against her husband-- the sheriff's wife turned around and called my sister's husband to tell him that my sister called about it!! When my sister had an appointment with the kids principal at school-- the school told her husbnad-- even though she does not receive the same courtesy when he meets with the school.

In short-- this is a hot mess with absolutely no basis. It is costing my sister a lot of money and is costing the kids their mother and a safe and secure environment! And the delays in this case have been unbelievable!! It's been going on since March and the final court date has been pushed back once again until late August. My mother is the ONLY approved person for the supervised visits. Seeing as my mother lives five hours from my sister-- she has had to go live with her in order for my sister to see the kids. Geez-- my mom just retired and my mom and dad want their life back too!

There seems to be hurry for the state to move this along. No concern that the kids are being turned against my sister, etc.

I absolutely understand the caution in investigating this-- I really do!! But this just seems like such an unfair process. There was even a three week period initially where she could not see or even talk to the kids. Couldn't even tell them she was not able to talk to them.

Today was the last straw (well, *my* last straw even though that doesn't really mean a thing!!).

The "guardian" FINALLY interviewed the kids today. And do you know where? In the kids' house where they've been living with their dad-- with their dad home. This just doesn't seem right to me-- and certainly not neutral. Not with their mom's stuff sitting in the garage where they have to walk by it every day. Not where there Dad is constantly telling them how bad their mom is and how their mom doesn't want to be with them anymore.

Anyway.. my point. For my own sanity-- can anyone point me to a page where they outline the policies and procedures for investigating these types of claims? This is for the state of Maine. I googled it, but am coming up with a lot of "crap"-- especially a lot of stories regarding the priests up there in New England! I want something based on truth.

Any help would be greatly appreciated.

CPS has the keys here. Whatever CPS is doing, it is subject to appeals up the ladder. There should be a phone counseling line set up at the State level where she can get good advice. Most of those lines are staffed by licensed psychologists.

A certified psychologist is absolutely a credible witness to the child's best interest, period. Poisoning the kids against her is not an acceptable practice and in fact is something that is considered in most courts in a very, very negative way. They even TEACH that in most court supervised divorce classes.

She needs the best lawyer she can hire. She needs the best child psychologist or child play therapist she can find. And she needs to have tons of money to fund the process.

Larry

Thanks, Larry!

I did find the Child Services site in Maine which is at least giving me some general information.

She does have a good lawyer. He is actually a criminal lawyer with some local "fame" and he takes high profile cases (hers isn't one :-)--- he was just recommended by her initial divorce lawyer who doesn't deal with stuff like this).

Unfortunately-- not a lot of money to be had. My parents have even talked about coming OUT of retirement to help if need be.

I'm not sure of the credentials of the kids' counselor-- whether he's a counselor or an actual psychologist-- I'll find that out for her.

The "guardian" is supposedly a good one-- however I still can't believe they thought it good and neutral practice to interview the children in the marital home. And while I have no idea what her caseload is-- for the $$ being paid to her, she has had a part in the delays as well!

I did see that as part of the parent's rights in Maine-- my sister has a right to know the approximate timeline of when this should be expected to be resolved. I'll have her look into that.

My wife's ex bad mouthed her, where we lived, the dog (from the devil), and me. We took the kids to a shrink who interviewed them and we recorded his conversations. We hired a really tough lawyer who tore him a new one in Court, where he didn't even bother showing up because he knew he was nailed. It all cost about 10K. The shrink testified. We won in a big way. What he said was horrific and explicit and needs no repeating here.

He then spent five years in another jurisdiction fighting, even trying to have my wife thrown in jail - complex story - all the way to that state's supreme court, losing all the way. The Chief Justice of the State Supreme Court only had one question during the oral arguments, "Did he really say all those things?" Our (expensive) Lawyer said, "Yes, Your Honor, we have the tape recordings and the testimony of the child psychologist and they are a matter of record starting on Page XX." The Judge then said, as he shook his head, "Thank you, no more questions," in this 'It's over tone of voice.'

The State Supreme Court issued a ruling that basically was very funny. They agreed with ex husband in terms of the original trial, then found a way to twist it around so our side won. It was obvious that they didn't want him to win.

Records MUST be kept and DATED. All conversations that can be recorded MUST be recorded. In any event, NOTES must be taken and dated. This is likely to be a long and hard and costly fight, but at the end of the day, you gotta do what you gotta do to protect the kids. And yes, I wouldn't hesitate to allow the Grandparents to be part of that in any way they choose to be.

Larry

Please, please tell your sister not to EVER plead guilty to the charges in hopes to make things easier. This exact same thing happened to my BIL during his divorce.

He paid an attorney $10,000 to defend him against these false allegations but the attorney knew all the players in this small town and recommended that he plead guilty so as to receive only probation. The deck was stacked against him as well. My BIL took his advice and got probation and lost the right to be around his kids. Not only that, he is labeled a sex offender for the rest of his life.

His wife was killed in an automobile accident during all of this and CPS swept in and took the kids because dad was a suspected sex offender. They were all placed in foster care. The kids are a mess and were horribly damaged in all of this.

He will be off of probation next year, but the label never goes away. It ruined his life.

BTW: the older daughter who is now 19 or 20 and who was the "victim" has now admitted that her mom bribed her to say the things she did with cigarettes, beer and pot (she was only 12 at the time!). No matter, the conviction stands and he's now a sex offender.

http://abcnews.go.com/Primetime/story?id=132443&page=1

The above link should be of interest to you.

I would also strongly suggest that a call be made to a polygraph examiner that deals in this type of thing. I think Ken Blackstone is one that does...an internet search should get you his info. I say...FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT until this is cleared up.

Also, speaking with an attorney about possibly filing a civil suit against the ex-husband is a consideration. The husband needs to have incentive to stop lying. I would be worried that HE is abusing the kids!

I had that same thought.

Based on the older daughter's sworn testimony, he can appeal to the Governor of the state where he lives for a pardon. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Larry