i really need to ask this... when i was dating my wife several years ago..

she had asked me one time how i felt about having a threesome.. and when i asked her what she meant? she asked me... how i felt about watching another guy DO her? well, when i objected to the idea of it.. she told me "you have to be open-minded" about it.


what exactly did she mean? that i should be willing to try it in my mind? that i should do this with her... to see how it feels like?

She would be the best person to ask what she means, IMO.

Sounds to me like she is trying to use psuedo-intellectual words like "open-minded" to justify her adulterous ideas.

W2K,

I don't know if this will help or not but God has given you and your wife to each other not to your neighbor.(two become one Flesh not many)

And my thought on the subject is she is walking on dangerous grounds and satan is just waiting for the time to lead her to want more and more and soon everything or everyone else is more important then her own husband. Lust is a strong drug.

I would ask her why she would ask a question like that and tell her that you love her and would not like to share her or for her to share you with another woman.

God has given sex to us as a special thing to share within a marriage and only with each other.

I hope this helped.

I think it meant she wanted to have sex with someone else badly enough that she was willing to let you watch if it would help her get what she wanted.

This was a few years ago. So why are you asking the question NOW????? I can think of at least four or so reasons why she might have asked you the question THEN, and several more if something has come up NOW that causes you to ask, that would help you narrow down the reason(s)..

Larry

want2know

"she had asked me one time how i felt about having a threesome.. and when i asked her what she meant? she asked me... how i felt about watching another guy DO her? well, when i objected to the idea of it.. she told me "you have to be open-minded" about it."

It could of been a fantasy. Then I read a post where your wife had many F buddies and had done threesomes.

I've seen some of your posts where your W is always finding fault with you.

Usually this is a sign that a W is a WW. Finding fault with a spouse is how a WW justifies having an affair.

Looking back your W is able to separate love and sex. She can enjoy sex just for the physical feelings without the emotional connection.

I have read on MB and SI countless times were the WW used this ploy to introduce the OM to her BH. WW no longer has to make excuses, lie, worry about being caught, seen in public. The WW is hiding the OM out in the open as a mutual friend.

WW gets to bang her OM all she wants now. If the BH complains that he is not getting his share the WW pushes the BH to find a OW for himself. WW encourages this only under the guise that she wants to be fair with her BH.

Summary:

I suspect when she asked you to have a three some she was banging some guy on the side.
Maybe wanting to keep one of her three some partners involved in her life.

W was having an affair and wanted to use the three some to bring her OM out into the open.

Now with your W always finding fault with you makes me fear W is justifying an affair.

W2K - This cannot be a serious question. The meaning is patently obvious....a marked difference in STANDARDS and beliefs.

Can we say "unevenly yoked?"

Can we say, "no understanding of what MARRIED means?"

Can we say, "Gee, think of what I might miss out on if I restrict my sexual expression to 'just' one man."

W2K, you can't really be so "dense" as to NOT know what the question mean, are you? Or don't you have your own firm grip on what "married" means?

"Open" my kazoo!


Marriage IS closed to everyone but the man and wife and Marriage IS only between a man and a wife. Next she'll be asking you if mind watching her "get it on" with a woman.

ya know what? a week off of this place is beginning to look as though it should be permanent. Sheesh! What "penetrating" questions!

W2K, as Melody said....ASK HER about it and and ask her about how she thinks TODAY.

alright, let me clearify things here... first of all.. my wife asked me that question... during the time that we were dating. after during ALOT of research online.. i have come to realize that, she probably wanted to either have another threesome experiencewith one of her F buddies... and include me one more time.. and she wanted to try and make me open my mind to trying this... to experience it with her... or it was a BIG test on her end.. to see exactly if i was another one of those guys like one of her friends... except that i wouldn't come out and say it. but to protect my relationship with her.. and to show jer i was a different kind of man... i objected to doing it.

secondly... my wife is not and has not had an affair... we both made it very clear with each other at the very begining that.. if either one of us cheated on each other... our relationship would be over.. no if's and's or but's.

i had asked this question on here to.. help me determine the view point that she meant back then. also... my mind kept thinking of the past, because of the medication that i have been taking... BUT now... i'm going to be changing medication per my counsleor.


also...i know the signs... of an affair...

A LONG TIME AGO... i did a ton of research on it... because someone was cheating on me... and i wanred to assure myself of what i was sensing with that person.

The view point? "Back then?" While you were dating?

W2K, either you are playing with the good people of MB or you are looking for problems in your marriage and dwelling on past unresolved issues.

Just WHAT are you looking for from MB and the members who take of their time to respond to your inquiries? No affair? Not a chance? if either one of us cheated on each other... our relationship would be over.. no if's and's or but's.

That is your right and it's also what virtually every member of MB who is working to save their marriage said. But again, it is very unclear just what it is you are looking for to HELP your marriage.

W2K - if you really want the answers to your questions and your wife's "like" instead of "love" orientation towards sex, then go get a book called Magnificent Marriage by Gordon MacDonald and learn about the difference. It would make a good book for both of you to read, together or individually.

You mentioned God in one post on the EN forum, but it was such an off-handed reference that it really doesn't look like God is a part of your lives or marriage. So you should also know that the book I mentioned about is written from a Christian perspective that deals with marriage from the point of view "as God intended it to be."

am i not able to ask questions...on here... regardless of there nature? tell me exactly how i am playing with the people of MB's by asking question about things i'm trying to get answered.

I don't ask my wife someone questions... because.. i try to learn or understand somethings on my own.


just as she does herself.

FOREVERHERS... by you implying that i am playing with the people of MB's, is being judgmental towards me and of my questions... i don't appreciate that. there are some people that have answered questions of mine.. without problen... and have helped me to understand things.

W2K,

I've watched several people attempt to give you good advice and answer your questions that you have posted here and on the other thread.

IMO, it feels like you don't have much respect for your W if you are coming here to discuss things that you ultimately need to speak to her about. You want to know how she feels and thinks about something, why aren't you asking her???

No more time for you, W2k.

You "play games" with even your questions, as you showed on the EN forum by asking several times about the "open minded" questions before FINALLY revealing that it was something your wife asked you about regarding a "threesome." Then you received answers on that forum and you start it again on this forum.

You like to play. Good luck with your marriage, with your shrink, with whatever makes you feel better, but I'm not wasting anymore time.

Ask any question you want, but I no longer consider your questions to be serious or worth spending any more time on.



I don't much care if you appreciated it or not. You GOT what you seemed to want....attention. You just don't like it when someone tells you to stop playing games.

You like dribbling out information.

You like being the focus of attention.

You DON'T like helping others unless "there's something in it for you," and that's EXACTLY what you are using your children for....to "get you wife to want you sexually" because you're such a "changed and now caring man."

I hope you DO change, real, permanent, selfless change.

But I don't think you will. I think you are too self-focused at this time to actually change unless there is something in it for you.

You also didn't bother to respond the inquiry about your mention of God, so that too has probably answered the question....more about what you can use to your benefit...at least as you see it.

You see, W2K, you really can't toss out a load of bull on MB for long. There are too many folks with experience who can smell it a mile off now, and who are not afraid of "charges" of "being judgmental." Get real. Of COURSE people form judgments. Is that news to you? Your responses determine whether or not that judgment becomes "judgmental" or not. So if the shoe fits, wear it. If you don't like the size, change in positive ways that are NOT focused on "self-preeminence."

One last "word to the wise." You won't be able to sustain "fake" changes for very long and you'll find your wife even more disillusioned and distant when she realizes the changes (like your attention on the kids) is only designed to manipulate a response you want from her.

One final piece of advice too. Try to stick to ONE thread per forum you are posting on in order to maintain continuity and the ability of others to post a coherent train of thought rather than starting numerous posts on virtually the same subject matter.

Good luck.

FOREVERHERS..


stop being judgmental on other people's thoughts..and lifes...

i'm 30yrs old... married... what games do i need to play with you and waste my time...


REMEMBER , IGNORANCE IS BLISS... LEARN FROM IT.

The way you post basically the same questions but under different subjects and different forums makes it appear as though you are playing games.

I am still trying to figure out if you are playing games or if you are just a little slow at understanding what we are telling you.

If you aren't playing games then go back reread all your posts and the responses you have gotten. You should be able to see that you have already gotten your questions answer but keep rephrasing them and asking them again on new threads.

Are you hoping that someone who has not read your other threads will give you an answer you like better?

If people with less background about you answer it will be less likely that there advice will be on target. Also when you post on the Infidelity forum people are going to respond to you in that context.

Learn from ignorance? Or learn from bliss?

I'm confused. Oh well.

I think all the things I pointed out that may of happened.

I think you have had these same thoughts. For what ever reason you a afraid to ask your WW to give you the answers.

You need to man up and sit your wife down and get her to spill.

pffft.

THAT is your problem, W2K. Ignorance is NOT "Bliss," it is ignorance. You DON'T want to make changes because that MEANS that you can't "ignore" a problem or "make believe" that it doesn't exist. You CAN'T make positive changes unless you know what the current issues are and how they are negatively affecting your marriage.

So I will continue to be "judgmental" of your naive, or worse---self-serving, attitudes and your playing with the good members of MB who try to HELP people. But you don't seem to really want help, you just want a place to cry about your situation.

LEARN, W2K, or you will see your wife and children move further and further away from you emotionally. CHANGE, W2K, because it's the right thing to do. And don't appeal to God or blame God for your situation....it is of YOUR own making. IS it what you want or do you just want to go on in "blissful ignorance" and simply "wish" that things were better? "Wishing" won't accomplish anything...you have to DO what is needed to be the sort of husband and father you want to be and to have the sort of marriage you "wish for."

By the way, W2K, your attempts to hide behind claims of "judgmentalism" are laughable and don't bother me in the least. TRUTH is NOT "judgmentalism," is it a judgement that is formed by applying the truth to the situation. You need to learn that difference too.

You don't like it when your behaviors are "judged" by God's standards, or any standards but your own wants and desires apparently. You embrace "relativism" and choose your actions and standards by the wonderful yardstick of "what's in it for ME if I do this or that?". You CAN do that, but at least be honest with yourself and recognize that it is based in selfishness, not on truth and love.

You see, Want2Know, people who have been through the "fantasies" and "fog talk" of self-interested spouses KNOW (through the "bull meter") when they are being presented a bunch of bull from someone asking from a self-serving standpoint and who are not really interested in doing the real work of making substantive changes in "who they are."

Once again, Good luck.