Not personally, but a friend at work who divorced at the same time as me had this. Oldest son went to live with father (age 13-14), and refused to see mother. Father rarely bothered to see other son (10-11) or adopted daughter (4). Boys stayed in touch.
Oldest son had many psych issues, incl. suicide watch and was eventually in outpatient therapy.
When mom moved to a new home with boyfriend, oldest came back, and younger son flipped to Dad's house full of hatred. Oldest just graduated high school, eventually did well in school and is off to college in the fall. A loud but caring boyfriend had a very positive male influence on the oldest. (Think "shape up or ship out" - and that means back to dad's). Middle son refuses to see mom, and she gets little info on grades. Dad now picks up daughter on Sunday afternoons just so siblings can see each other.

It was devastating to hear, and the daughter acted out alot about "losing" her brothers in the process. The hatred the boys spitted on their mom while they were with their dad was unbelieveable.

newly;;



your blessed.


What reasons did he give that he didn't want to see her? or do you know?

And did she try and force the issue or respect his decision not to see her?



Hatred at the mom, because he was no longer "man of the family"?
and had someone calling him on his behaviors?



has she contacted the school to have copies of report cards sent to her?

My husband contacted the school to have copies of report cards sent to him, and it helped my dad taught at the school his daughter went to and gave updates, but recently his daughter started doing virtual school, which is a little different in terms of contacting non-custodial parents, concerning grades and progress..



Do you know if it was because of things dad said against mom, or something else?

TR, as I read the article more indepth, my X has used some of these things on me, but hasn't turned my kids against me (yet). He did tell them they'd be going to school near him (meaning he'd get primary) but that's highly unlikely and I told DD that. Yet to be determined.

Good points. My friend tried through the psych. to see the kids and attended sessions to get updates. I don't think her 2nd son goes though, so there is no safe 3rd party. Great point about no longer being the man. She tried alot. Got school info, but not much more. Picture a son living with a depressed man in a home with his parents and sisters where no one is working. A very depressed situation (for a professional). So the boys could do what they wanted, and got away with murder. And dad probably told lies (and I suspect some truths) to get the boys to hate mom.

I think the oldest (an intelligent kid but struggling) took a look and realized that mom works (dad doesn't), could support him, and he could have a future, vs. withering with dad. She's unlikely to get any college money from dad, but will help son do it.

I think kids will realize the truth ultimately. My X puts his energy & money elsewhere, and the kids see it. I constantly remind my kids, watch the actions, not the words.
In your H's case, that could be attending many school events, seeing D when he can, and being an active participant in her life - even if not admitted in. Birthday cards, calls, etc.

I have another friend who's x was in jail, and she could be accused of PAS. After not supporting kids for 12 years, X now calls each kid on their birthday. They refuse to speak to him, after what he put them through. And each has had counseling. So is this PAS? Someone could say so, but not if the whole store is known.

It's a sad world sometimes. Children are a blessing we should all cherish, and not use as pawns.

My XW flat out lied to SS whom I raised 12 of his 14 years and told him that I abandoned them.

He knew something was up a week or so before exposure as he had tried to kill himself.

The evening RIGHT AFTER we got back from the psychiatrist's office to get him a clean bill of health to return to school, OM calls and he grabs his mom's cell phone to show me AND her.

He knew and she flat out denied it to his face.

I feel deep down he knows I didn't abandon him, but you know that mom is always right and would NEVER lie to him. :eek:


He hasn't spoken to me since she threw me out back in Jan '07, and she refuses to let me have any contact with threat of legal action if I do attempt to cnatact him.

Just thinking about this makes me hate OM and her even more now as OM still has his family and mine hates me for something I didn't do.

You can call it a syndrom or whatever. Divorce is tough on everyone involved. I often see kids cling to the parent that they feel needs them most (often the destructive parent) and lash out at the other parent. Maybe they know that parent will love them regardless. Maybe they want someone to blame and cannot understand why their "hero" didn't stop this from happening. They lash out because they are hurting.

I've had almost no contact with my stepsons in the last 2 1/2 years. The last time I tried to contact the oldest, he said he had been told that I said horrible things about him and his brother and hung up on me. Both boys are now over 18, but still need family. I know that XWH's family would cut them off if they had contact with me and that they have been brainwashed to believe some horrible lies. I can't say that I blame stepsons. That's their father and they want to believe in him and believe that they come from someone good. Still, understanding doesn't keep it from hurting.