I am just wondering if there is anyone on here that has made it through a divorce from a junior high/high school sweetheart, and moved in into a new, better relationship with no regrets? I am married to my junior high school sweetheart - we are separated and the relationship is not healthy, but he's all I know. I don't think we're gonna work. But I'm having serious doubts about whether I'll ever truly get over him, and be open to a new love. I seriously just don't know that it's possible. Can anyone share a success story with a similar situation? I NEED some encouragement today. Thanks.

Welcome, Christsgirl.

I didn't marry my high school sweetheart, but I know someone who got married at 19. After 25 years of marriage, she got divorced. Because the end of the marriage was such a mess and because she had a teenage son, she didn't date right away. She did eventually date and remarry about 10 years after she separated. She's been happily married for 12 years. And she's my mom.

She didn't know anyone else. She'd never worked outside the home. She'd never lived alone. Now, she's done it all.

I got married and it was a disaster. I got out and swore I wouldn't get remarried. I currently wondering where my best friends are with the ropes and chains. I made them promise if I ever decided to remarry, they would tie me down until the madness passed. As my wedding date approaches, they are nowhere to be seen.

There are lots of success stories. You'll be okay provided you know why the marriage was unhealthy, why you got into an unhealthy marriage, and what you're going to do differently from now on.

For example, if your marriage relationship was unhealthy because you never broke up with him because you were scared to see what it was like without a boyfriend, you need to be ready to be alone for a while, and to walk away from any man who shows red flags.

I got married young to my soon-after-high school sweetheart and turned out to be abusive. Nevertheless, I didn't think I'd get over him and I definitely wasn't going to get remarried. But I did. Not really a success story in the sense that he cheated and left me for OW last year, but we did have 17 years together.

I'm back at the same spot now. I'm definitely over Wstbx and most of the dust has settled. I'm seeing someone again but I'm still swearing up and down never to remarry. I would prefer to have a relationship with someone as an "individual" rather than as part of a "couple" if that makes any sense?

My life has been a wonderful success story - my marraige was not.

I have a great profession, 2 wonderful kids, a beautiful home, my health, my friends and a really cool bike that I ride everywhere.

I don't gauge my success on whom I am in a relationship with. I gauge my success on how happy I am with my life.

But I will say... I would LOVE to smell the hair of a woman snuggled up to my shoulder... For now though, I am really content being single.

I did not marry my high school sweetheart because I didn't have one! LOL I never dated until after high school when I "blossomed".

Anyway, life after divorce can be very successful. Life is what YOU make it, NOT what someone else makes it. Happiness and fullfillment is a choice. Since my marriage ended I: returned to school and am almost finished my bachelor's, started a new and wonderful career, got very involved in my church and started singing again, just recently sold my house and found the cutest little house in the next town over that is closer to my parents, and made many self improvements including quitting smoking and taking better care of myself.

It is all what you make it and what you do with yourself. You are not defined by someone else. You should never be with someone because you NEED them but because you enjoy having them in your life. Because they add to your life and compliment it. I don't think it is healthy to HAVE to have someone in your life so much so that you can't make it alone. Nor is is healthy to say someone completes you. If you are not complete to begin with, there is something wrong.

I did not answer your question very well, since it is a relationship question...

My aunt was married to a very abusive alcoholic for almost 20 years. She stuck with him until her kids were grown and then she left. Now, 20+ years later, she is married to a wonderful man. He is the complete opposite of her first husband and they are very, very happy together.

I truly believe if one is a good person, does good things, takes care of themselves emotionally and physically, wonderful things will happen in their life. And a wonderful person may just show up also.

My sister married her high school sweetheart after dating for 7 years. They were married for 2 years when he came home one day and said he was bored with his life. My sister gave him suggestions like joining the volunteer fire department (he had buddies there and was hanging out with them anyways) A week later he gave her the I don't love you/I have been trying for a year and it just isn't working crap. No one saw it coming even her. She was devastated. He had lost his mother a year earlier and she tried to tell him she thought he didn’t deal with her death. He was angry with his mom because she was a closet drunk and the Dr’s warned her she was killing herself. Her kids had no clue until it was too late. My sister lived 3 hours away from our family. My new boyfriend (and current husband) was adamant that she come back home. There was no one for her there and her husband never came back. After a month and my DH telling her he would take care of everything she agreed. He rented a u-hall and we drove down and got her and all her stuff. It was really rough for her. She moved into her old room next to mine and I tried to help her through it. She didn't think she could ever love again. About 3 years later she met someone. They fell madly in love. Then she found out she had a tumor on her ovaries. They told her it was more than likely non-cancerous. They opened her up and realized it was cancer and did a complete hysterectomy right then. She woke up and had to be told she would never have children. My mom was going to tell her but her boyfriend said he thought he should. (Man we love him!) Then when she was alone with me she said "I am so glad Dave left me because we would have ended anyway." I said "what made you say that?" (She was still a little loopy so I thought it was the drugs talking) She said he always told her the only reason to get married was to have children. If you don't have children why be married. She ended up marrying the boyfriend and the whole family loves him. He already has a son but even if he didn't I know he would have married my sister no matter what. He ex on the other hand is an over weight miserable person who is still angry at his mother. Ironically enough he never had children. I saw his sister 2 years ago and she told me this. His mom died in early 1989….so sad.

Ok my story is a little backwards but here it is....

My xH left me for his HS sweetheart after 21 years of marriage and 3 kids.

They are happy, I am happy and my kids are happy.

It's all what you choose to make it! Happy, sad, bitter, mad, resentful, it's all your choice.

As I say you can have a pity party, we all deserve to have one, just don't stay all night!!!

Dawn

I was in high school and my XWH was in college when we met and I married him when I was 19. We were married for almost 17 years when he started his affair with a former close friend of mine. I had a very hard time letting the marriage go; but finally did. We divorced; I focused on my kids; learned to be self sufficient; enjoyed being alone; and enjoyed my new found freedom. I met Mike; we dated for 3 years and got married this past December. Picking a husband in a 19 year old perspective was definitely different from a 41 year old.

What I view as a success is not that I found someone, but how I handled the divorce and how the outcome of the divorce affected my children. The children were always my main focus. The children were never put in the middle to relay messages. When Mike was finally introduced to the children; the announcement of my engagement and wedding date; all of this was told to my XWH after the kids were told, but before families and friends.

My youngest daughter recently had a sporting event, my husband Mike sat on my left and when my XWH came, he took an empty seat to my right. We all talked and discuss things about the children and about the event we were attending for our daughter. Once my daughter’s performance was completed she came by our table and my XWH took a seat to his right and my daughter sat between me and her dad and discussed about her performance to all 3 of us.

Granted it hasn’t always been like this, in the beginning there were hard feelings from my part until I learned to forgive. My XWH had difficulty accepting the fact that I chose to move on once he realized the mistakes he had made. We were able to talk and come to a conclusion that our main focus should be on the children. I assured my XWH that Mike has no intention of taking his place, the children already have a dad, his place is to be there for them if they need him, and he’s the extra bonus adult in their life.

It’s a success when my children are at ease in the presence of their divorced mom & dad and their step parent, and to know that the adults are there to support them.

Immovingon!!!

That is success, thanks for sharing!!! When kids are involved it is vitally important to keep there well being at the forefront!!!

Dawn

I married my first serious relationship.
It didn't work, we divorced and I grew from this very bad and unexpected experience. I struggled mentally and emotionally for a couple of years.

I am happier now and am doing more than when I was married. Life is what you make out of what you have, not what you do not have.

Time to spread your wings...