Call the Harleys so they can explain it to him. They share amazing insight and motivation. There was also a section in SAA that addresses it, too.

It sounds like you're working Plan A; there is great motivation on Just Found Out on being the lighthouse. I think it is in Pepperband's thread for newbies.

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Besides apologizing over and over, how else can I give him the reassurance he needs.

Have you two set up extraordinary precautions? "Yes, i hear you, it's important to me, too, we have a plan for that, the extraordinary precutions. Our marriage is special and valuable and worth protecting, and we're making it better than ever." You can stay consistent and on message.

Are you two doing small EN meeting things for each other every day? Like a shoulder rub, a kiss as you pass in the hallway? Doing loving things for each other and feeling appreciated makes deposits for both of you. That goes both ways. What small loving acts can you thoughtfully request?

Me 40, OD 18 and YD 13
Married 15 years, Divorced 10/2010