I really would appreciate opinions from both the men as well as the women on this board. I won't go into our whole story (it's posted on here somewhere already) but just say that we have been married 35 years and, like most of you, I was shocked to learn that my husband was having an emotional affair with a coworker (which he still denies). About the same time this was going on (but before I realized it), he also seemed to be looking more openly at other women, especially the younger ones.

While I am not a prude, I am getting tired of not being able to go anywhere without seeing women, both young and supposedly more mature, dressed like they should be standing on a street corner. We can't even go to church without seeing several females with "everything falling out". I have no problem with the women dressing this way at home for their husbands, but I'm getting tired of the show being put on for MY husband. I also have no problem spicing things up a bit with some new lingerie every once in a while, but there's no way to look 21 when you're 50 something. It's really more than that though. I just don't feel that every trip to the mall should be a "show".

Do other women feel this way? I'd love to know. I know I've become a bit hypervigilant (and I'm trying to work on that) but I wonder when women are going to wake up.

I'd also love to know the opinion of the men on this board. There seem to be some levelheaded, decent men and I wonder if they would express their opinions here. Are they just so used to seeing this that it doesn't really catch their attention or are they constantly distracted by it?

BTW, my husband has made an effort to not do this anymore. But in some cases, it's almost impossible to ignore.

Shadows

Well, I am a guy...BUT, I agree with you 100%. I find it particularly disgusting when it is an older woman...hanging on to youth like a cat on a screen.

I should have added one other thing. I wonder how men would feel if women my age (56) started drooling over guys young enough to be our sons or grandsons? This kind of dawned on me one day when a group of guys I work with, ages 20 something to 50 something) were remarking about a really nice looking young woman. I even asked them later what they would think if the women in the building (ages 40 something to 70 something) were standing around commenting on some nice looking 20 year old. They were a bit dumbfounded and couldn't even picture it.

BTW, I'm not saying I don't notice particularly nice looking men (young or old). I guess it's just the manner in which it is done and maybe my perceived opinion of the thought process involved.

Shadows

I am equally appalled at either.

I have two stories to relate to you, the first comes from my wife.

She works with someone (female) who is heavily overweight. The other day she witnessed the lady bending over to pick up something and in the course of so doing, exposed her Victoria Secret underwear. My wife says she was grossed out.

Secondly, picture husband and wife sitting on the beach watching their kids play in the water and sand. Along comes a teenage hottie letting it all hang out. Wife sighs and says, "I'll never look that good again."

Husband says, "Neither will she."

You are a woman. I suspect you know very well why women let it all hang out and that the reason might be both convoluted and simple; affirmation they are still attractive, advertising, "Eat your heart out," and other emotions mostly of a non-grownup variety.

Larry

While I agree with this, I also feel that the media sends such an unfair portrayal of women. If you watch TV or even to listen to commercials on the radio, everything is geared toward women trying to look younger and sexier. Almost nothing is said about men - at least looks wise. If you even look at the news anchors, the men have been allowed to age (and in some cases are not terribly attractive), but most of the women are either young or have had face lifts and are generally quite attractive.

I'm not sure who I feel more sorry for - the younger women and girls who are being fed this crap or us older women who can sometimes get caught up in this also.

BTW, I'm not an advocate for anyone just giving up and letting yourself go just because you're not 21 any more. I do try to fight the getting older stuff but try to accept there's only so much you can do and then you just have to accept the rest.

Shadows

It sounds to me like the men you describe are acting like immature pigs and you are shifting the blame to the women who are catching their attention. It makes me think of how when a spouse cheats and the BS blames the OP instead of the spouse.

I am a 39 year old attractive women and it seems that no matter what I wear I get attention. I can be wearing shorts, a tank top and flip flops and get attention. Should I dress differently because some men are pigs? I don't think so. I usually don't even notice the guys who are staring but my husband does notice them on occasion. Just yesterday a man was actually driving next to us on the freeway just so he could stare at me and my hubby and I laughed about it. Geesh I was in our car and I was wearing jeans and a t-shirt. If my hubby acted like that guy I would be appauled at him, not the woman.

BTW, my H's assistant at work is a young woman who wears the low rise jeans to work and always has her buttcrack showing. My H and other men in his office do talk about it, but only because they find it offensive, not because they are pervs trying to sneek a peek. She did get written up for it by HR and went to my H to complain about getting written up and he told her to buy bigger pants and cover herself up.

So my point in all this is don't blame women for men acting like pigs. Not all men act that way.

It's a fine edge to dress sexy verses sluty.
Victoria's Secret vs. Fredricks.

I'm certainly not going to blame women if men are going to act like pigs. On the other hand, if a woman is wearing clothes that are suggestive or show everything she has, then she should expect to have men look.

In the case I mentioned that happened at work, the young woman was not dressed suggestively in any way. She was just very attractive. There also are a few women who dress in lowcut tops that show just about everything when they bend over and to me, they should expect the guys to look. There's a difference there.

I agree. Also, there are places to dress sexy and, in my opinion, church and the mall aren't the places.

Shadows, men are basically visual and women are basically emotional.

That is the difference and why most advertising (especially clothing) is directed at SEX.

"SEX" is not LOVE, it is LUST.

We often talk around here (MB) about "protecting your weaknesses."

It's also why most Porn users are MEN.

It's also why most women (wives) would be very wise to return, adopt, etc., the "old school" thought to Not be a "frump" just because you are "married." In a world that most men are exposed to every day, it behooves women to "not let themselves go" and ignore the huge visual impact that assails men (i.e. their husbands) every day.

As for the church, it might be time to talk to the Pastor about a Message concerning modesty in church, to mimimize temptations.


God bless.

ForeverHers,

I could talk to the pastor, but it's impossible to do anything about the rest of the world! We have two women at work who are close to my age and dress terribly. It absolutely looks awful on one because she's overweight. I don't mean to sound cruel but I think we all need to keep in mind what looks good on us and what doesn't.

I'd like to go back to my original post and just ask the guys how much an affect this really has on them or have most of you become immune to it? Just curious!

Shadows

I agree, and I find your view very refreshing.

MEDC, what do you think good men and good women can do, to help move society away from the whole "sex sells" mentality?

Speak with your dollars and teach your children the same values. Hollywood and designers sell sex because people buy it...when they get hit in their pocketbooks, it will stop.

Victorias Secret...which is a classless outfit...recently realized that they have gone too smutty and pulled back their ads to reflect a more "tasteful" line of "clothing." And for anyone that doesn't think VS is a lousy store that should get NONE of your money...look at the pictures and outfits displayed for children to see as they walk around a mall with their parents. Disgusting. Aboicrombie and Fitch (sp) is just as bad.

http://articles.moneycentral.msn.com/Investing/Extra/VictoriasSecretBossWereTooSexy.aspx

Your son (not to mention his future wife) is very fortunate indeed, if you are teaching him these values!

Thank you for saying that...I posted a link to a story about VS above.

MEDC

Let me just add some reality to this. If a women is attractive as men we are going to look, if a women is showing some of her goods we are going to take a peek. It's our sexual nature, most of us do it very discreetly. Just my two cents. Believe me most of you women even notice an attractive woman or one that is dressed provocative.


Yes some men are pigs, but we have some women that are the same way.

MEDC, I agree - you deserve a pat on the back. I think our younger generation is exposed to way too much, way too early. When my kids were growing up they used to complain all the time that we didn't have cable. There was a reason for that.

surviving40 - I appreciate your honesty. Most women probably do notice another woman dressed provocatively. But in some cases, it's with the thought that they should go home and put some clothes on. Again, if they're going to a bar to pick up a guy, then I guess that's the way they should dress. On the other hand, if they're going grocery shopping, is there a need to dress sexy? Other than, of course, to draw mens' attention. I don't know, even in my younger days I wasn't that desperate for a man's attention.

We went to the grocery store last night and honestly, every other aisle was another woman with parts hanging out. Geez, enough is enough.

Also, yes women do notice nice looking guys, but there's a difference between noticing a guy and mentally undressing one. I've seen way too many guys make fools of themselves over an attractive young woman, in some cases young enough to be their granddaughter. I'm sorry - I don't believe that's just their sexual nature.



Shadows

I find it hard to understand women in this regard.

For example, my girlfriend has a few shirts where she spends the entire day "pulling them up" so to say. She is worried she is showing too much cleavage and says she can feel men looking. To me, the answer is simple, if you feel uncomfortable because of men looking or feel the need to "pull it up", then get rid of the shirt and don't wear it again. Pretty cut and dry.

Of course, I can not understand woman's logic on wearing shoes because they are pretty and killing your feet either?? I guess I just need to be a woman before I could understand.....

Regarding the relation to sexual nature, I simply think that woman who wear this type of dress lack self esteem/confidence. They think their only value to a man (or anyone) is through their looks. It is pretty sad when you think of it and I truly feel sorry for them.

GF..I agree 100%.

Women do some very, very odd things to look better. I mean, they walk on heels (which is horrible for their backs, feet and legs)...they implant balloons in their chests...wear low tops and high skirts to show their goodies...and then complain about people looking at them.

As a whole, I think women are way too influenced by the media and what they "think" men will like. When it comes to real men, they couldn't be further from the truth.