I also take huge offense to anyone putting my precious daughter in the same category as a house or dog. This is just another example of how people without kids just are not able to understand how being a parent feels.

I accept your opinion, but don't ever judge me, ba...I'm not judging you, although it would be pretty easy to go around here doing so...you're out of line.

You are looking for a reason to be offended. Where did I compare your daughter to a dog? "This is just another example of how people without kids just are not able to understand how being a parent feels"....hogwash!!!! You have no idea how disrespectful it is for people (certain parents) are for saying such things...you don't know this...it is opinionated. People have different emotional levels of attachment to all sorts of things...children, pets, cars, material goods, etc....you (nobody is) in any position to judge how anyone else places their own emotional attachment on anything....parent or not. Jusy an ignorant thing for you to say....hogwash.

You called kids an "outside reason" just like a house or dog. Did you not mean to call them that?

I meant nothing negative when I said "People without kids just are not able to understand how being a parent feels." I to was once a person without without a kid, so I do know how it feels to not have kids and to have kids.

You sound very defensive today. What is going on with you?

I didn't judge you but I will if I damn well feel like it.

I just think your comparison of children to the dog or finances or whatever outside baggage that you didn't come into the marriage with is ludicrous.

*edit* (That's a judgement)

I just read your edited response and now that you feel it is appropriate to call me names "ingorant" I will stop posting to you on this topic.

I really was just trying to help you understand how people could really say they stayed together for the kids and that it is not a copout, but a truth for them. But it is now clear that you did not want to understand this, but wanted to dispute it so that you could feel better about your decision to stay without kids.

What is wrong with me is that you keep taking what I say, distorting it, then throwing it back at me with insulating intentions...it isn't right. The point that I was getting at (and, you would realize this if you read the post again without getting "defensive" as you would say) is that you didn't have kids before when you fell in love, why do you have to use the kid as a reason to do it again? That's my point...not the point that you made up "comparing my daughter to a dog". It bugs the hell out of me when people take a statement, manipulate it to seem offensive, then roll with what they manipulated it to be...sorry, just bothers me.

That's nice....thanks for joining in with your impressive intellect.....goodbye now.....

LOL, you are doing exactly what you are accusing everyone else od doing. You put in quotations "comparing my daughter to a dog" I never said that. I said you put them in the same category and you did!

"putting my precious daughter in the same category as a house or dog."

There...there is your exact quote....which I NEVER did...I fyou don't like me, or have an issue with this thread, then go away. It was pretty informative until you decided to distort it to whatever you wanted to see.

I have no desire to argue with you about this subject. You took what I posted, distorted it to be an insult about your daughter...then ran with it. It wasn't meant to be insulting to you or your daughter...if you took it that way then I'm sorry you did. Let's move on please.

LOL....of course you did.


Right here....


Lumping them as "reasons" and lumping them together.

committed

Sorry introvert but I took what you posted in the same way as the others here with kids.

When I was younger and without kids I was in a long term (6 yr) relationship that was easy to walk way from because there was only stuff.

But once there are children involved they are not stuff to be fought over or shuffled around. You will understand that once you have kids.

I can tell you just being at my daughters swim meet last night made everything I am going through with my wife worth it. Could I of attended if we were divorced maybe, maybe not. Until every chance of fixing things is exhausted you work for the sake of the kids.

You are taking it out of context. Look at what I wrote, then the reason I wrote it THAT I HAVE REPEATEDLY EXPLAINED !!!!!!

Sorry, I forgot that you are all high and mighty "VETS" and I shouldn't be speaking with you guys, cause I'm not on the same level anyway.....I'll bug out back down to my little cellar while you experts twist and turn and disect everyone elses comments to death...all the while getting COMPLETELY OFF TOPIC FOR YOUR OWN PERSONAL AND SELFISH REASONS !!!!!

Thanks for the T/J.....VETS

Introvert, I have a child and I have no problem with what you said or how you said it.

A friendly reminder to keep this thread respectful please.

Please note that if it continues down the road of disrespect, it will be locked.

introvet,

That is a childish diversionary tactic in order to not have to take responsibility for YOUR words.

It has nothing to do with being a Vet of anything.

I am not considered a vet...why would you toss that dog in this fight?

A diversion from the REAL issue is that answer.

Own it...what is so hard about that?

committed

Well Introvert, I think I understand your POV as it relates to those similarly situated to yourself. Perhaps you feel an undercurrent exists which implies that you have an easier choice and more options than those w/ children. Maybe you’re also construing that notion as diminishing the import of your struggle. After infidelity, we all find ourselves on rocky shores and the presence of children and concern for their welfare does not insure any particular outcome.

It is true that the dissolution process is usually more complicated when children are involved and while that fact alone may inhibit divorce it doesn’t tell us whether a family will be happy. Studies can be cited which tend to show that children of divorce fair poorly while other studies show that severe marital conflict is worse for children than divorce. Who is really to say which is correct when each case is extremely personal to a particular individual?

That said--it's only natural that at some point in the process staying for the children is a palliative. There's nothing wrong w/ that b/c it's an overwhelming issue and if it helps a person deal w/ what they're facing so be it. Eventually a spouse and/or couple have to address whether the marriage and family unit is bringing some sort of joy to its participants. The elements of good parenting (IMO) involve being responsible and loving. Those traits should be present whether a parent is married or divorced. Similarly, couples without children should also ask one another whether they are acting responsibly and loving. The presence or lack of children is not a bright line that divides marriages in crisis b/c of infidelity (IMO).

I think we have a group of people with intense emotions, so things are bound to get crazy at some point. Perhaps, agreeing to disagree would be better?

BTW, I didn't take offense to what you said, but I could see how others might. It's that intense emotions thing...it happens. I see what you are trying to say and what they are trying to say, things are just getting crosswired.

For the record I am not a "vet". I have fewer posts than you. As for taking things out of context and disecting comments to death you have done the exact same thing on this thread. So hy are you calling names when others do the same to you?

Can you make your point without calling names?

In real life do you call names and throw tantrums when the discussion does not result in you proving your point or getting your way?

Please do not dismiss this as me being ignorant, these are meant as real questions.