|
|
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 1,153
Member
|
Member
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 1,153 |
Dont get me wrong I love my kids and they are a part of the marrage. Without them I would be lost. But if the marriage has failed that bad then why stay for ONLY the kids? Does make me wonder when ppl say they are still married only for the children Without the kids I think that many here would have just quit . . . because this stuff sucks and it no fun at all. And trying to put a broken marriage back together is one of the most emotionally draining things one can do. I think that trying to fix a marriage because there are children involved is just as valid is staying because you love your spouse. They are both fantastic reasons to try to repair your marriage. This is the exact response I was looking for. How is a third party going to help aide in fixing a broken marriage when only 2 people caused the problems in the marriage? Motivation? MC's are 'third parties'.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,288
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,288 |
Would you share with your child a sexual dysfunction between you and your wife?
With radical honesty in mind? I'm assuming that I would not be trying to use the child to get over the sexual dysfunction.....so no.
"Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth"
Henry David Thoreau
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,288
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,288 |
Dont get me wrong I love my kids and they are a part of the marrage. Without them I would be lost. But if the marriage has failed that bad then why stay for ONLY the kids? Does make me wonder when ppl say they are still married only for the children Without the kids I think that many here would have just quit . . . because this stuff sucks and it no fun at all. And trying to put a broken marriage back together is one of the most emotionally draining things one can do. I think that trying to fix a marriage because there are children involved is just as valid is staying because you love your spouse. They are both fantastic reasons to try to repair your marriage. This is the exact response I was looking for. How is a third party going to help aide in fixing a broken marriage when only 2 people caused the problems in the marriage? Motivation? MC's are 'third parties'. ...and are only helpful if you are honest with them.
"Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth"
Henry David Thoreau
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 1,300
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 1,300 |
This is the exact response I was looking for. How is a third party going to help aide in fixing a broken marriage when only 2 people caused the problems in the marriage? No, I don't think this is the reason you are looking for. The children aren't going to help fix a broken marriage. The children are going to give one/both parents more reason to try to fix it than they would if they were childless.
What we think or what we know or what we believe is, in the end, of little consequence. The only consequence is what we do. ~ John Ruskin
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,288
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,288 |
My decision to try to recover had absolutely nothing to do with the house, finances or the dog...and everything to do with the fact that I love my W...and, if we had children I would not use them as a reason any more than I would use the other examples of things that we are attached by...because we never had any of those things either when we fell in love...they are outside attachments...not a reason to love or forgive. JMO, but to each his own. And many Betrayed Spouses who are trying to recover their marriages also said at one point that their "position" was, "if you ever cheat on me, I am out of here and will divorce." But then reality hit. Just like it does when you have children who are far more important than all the "tangible THINGS" you cited. You might be surprised to find that children, unlike houses, money, or even animals, ARE affected by adultery and how the "adults" handle it, and the message that is sent to them about how much THEY are "valued" by the adults. Point taken...thanks
"Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth"
Henry David Thoreau
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2002
Posts: 9,015
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: May 2002
Posts: 9,015 |
This is the exact response I was looking for. How is a third party going to help aide in fixing a broken marriage when only 2 people caused the problems in the marriage? Maybe this is also why you reacted so negatively to the mere mention of THE "third party" to a marriage? How do you think God would "aide" in fixing a marriage broken by one or both of the marital partners? The children are NOT the cause of adultery, but they they are affected by it. The children do not "aide" in fixing a broken marriage, they are one of the motivating factors OUTSIDE of the relationship between husband and wife that gives impetus to "trying." Actions have consequences. That's the point.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,288
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,288 |
This is the exact response I was looking for. How is a third party going to help aide in fixing a broken marriage when only 2 people caused the problems in the marriage? No, I don't think this is the reason you are looking for. The children aren't going to help fix a broken marriage. The children are going to give one/both parents more reason to try to fix it than they would if they were childless. This is a point that I understand completely. I just don't see how the parents are going to fall in love and stay in love by the aide of a child. Will they always have the bond of the child together...of course. Will the child make them love each other enough to stay and recover into a healthy loving marriage?...this is what I question. If that were the case, then why the marital problems in the first place?
"Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth"
Henry David Thoreau
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 1,153
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 1,153 |
Would you share with your child a sexual dysfunction between you and your wife?
With radical honesty in mind? I'm assuming that I would not be trying to use the child to get over the sexual dysfunction.....so no. So if you stayed with your wife because of the children, you would tell them of the sexual dysfunction? Keep in mind there is no adultery here, just a sexual dysfunction.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,288
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,288 |
This is the exact response I was looking for. How is a third party going to help aide in fixing a broken marriage when only 2 people caused the problems in the marriage? Maybe this is also why you reacted so negatively to the mere mention of THE "third party" to a marriage? How do you think God would "aide" in fixing a marriage broken by one or both of the marital partners? The children are NOT the cause of adultery, but they they are affected by it. The children do not "aide" in fixing a broken marriage, they are one of the motivating factors OUTSIDE of the relationship between husband and wife that gives impetus to "trying." Actions have consequences. That's the point. I can agree with this.
"Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth"
Henry David Thoreau
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 1,153
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 1,153 |
[quote=A_pretty_face]
Dont get me wrong I love my kids and they are a part of the marrage. Without them I would be lost. But if the marriage has failed that bad then why stay for ONLY the kids? Does make me wonder when ppl say they are still married only for the children Without the kids I think that many here would have just quit . . . because this stuff sucks and it no fun at all. And trying to put a broken marriage back together is one of the most emotionally draining things one can do. I think that trying to fix a marriage because there are children involved is just as valid is staying because you love your spouse. They are both fantastic reasons to try to repair your marriage. This is the exact response I was looking for. How is a third party going to help aide in fixing a broken marriage when only 2 people caused the problems in the marriage? Motivation? MC's are 'third parties'. ...and are only helpful if you are honest with them. [/quote] And that is your opinion. And from someone w/o children. As medc said, that's not a critism, just a fact.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,288
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,288 |
Would you share with your child a sexual dysfunction between you and your wife?
With radical honesty in mind? I'm assuming that I would not be trying to use the child to get over the sexual dysfunction.....so no. So if you stayed with your wife because of the children, you would tell them of the sexual dysfunction? Keep in mind there is no adultery here, just a sexual dysfunction. I said no...I'm not using the children as a means to get over my dysfunction...they would not be affected in any way shape or form because of my problem getting it up. It's apples and oranges.
"Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth"
Henry David Thoreau
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2007
Posts: 2,531
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: May 2007
Posts: 2,531 |
Would you share with your child a sexual dysfunction between you and your wife?
With radical honesty in mind? That is hardly the same thing. A broken or damaged marriage affects children directly and is their business as much as yours. Sexual dysfunction doesn't and isn't.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,288
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,288 |
[quote=C_N][quote=A_pretty_face]
Dont get me wrong I love my kids and they are a part of the marrage. Without them I would be lost. But if the marriage has failed that bad then why stay for ONLY the kids? Does make me wonder when ppl say they are still married only for the children Without the kids I think that many here would have just quit . . . because this stuff sucks and it no fun at all. And trying to put a broken marriage back together is one of the most emotionally draining things one can do. I think that trying to fix a marriage because there are children involved is just as valid is staying because you love your spouse. They are both fantastic reasons to try to repair your marriage. This is the exact response I was looking for. How is a third party going to help aide in fixing a broken marriage when only 2 people caused the problems in the marriage? Motivation? MC's are 'third parties'. ...and are only helpful if you are honest with them. [/quote] And that is your opinion. And from someone w/o children. As medc said, that's not a critism, just a fact. [/quote] So.........you disagree? Elaborate.
"Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth"
Henry David Thoreau
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 1,300
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 1,300 |
Would you share with your child a sexual dysfunction between you and your wife?
With radical honesty in mind? That is hardly the same thing. A broken or damaged marriage affects children directly and is their business as much as yours. Sexual dysfunction doesn't and isn't. So sexual dysfunction couldn't cause one spouse to want to end a marriage? Just wondering . . .
What we think or what we know or what we believe is, in the end, of little consequence. The only consequence is what we do. ~ John Ruskin
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 1,153
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 1,153 |
To answer your original question introvert...Yes I think you are just being bitter. But hell, I can't blame you! I've tasted bitterness over the last two years of recovery as well.
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,288
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,288 |
Would you share with your child a sexual dysfunction between you and your wife?
With radical honesty in mind? That is hardly the same thing. A broken or damaged marriage affects children directly and is their business as much as yours. Sexual dysfunction doesn't and isn't. So sexual dysfunction couldn't cause one spouse to want to end a marriage? Just wondering . . . lol...no offence, but you are really reaching on this one lol.
"Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth"
Henry David Thoreau
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,288
Member
|
|
OP
Member
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1,288 |
To answer your original question introvert...Yes I think you are just being bitter. But hell, I can't blame you! I've tasted bitterness over the last two years of recovery as well. lol...I can respect that. 
"Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth"
Henry David Thoreau
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 1,153
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 1,153 |
Would you share with your child a sexual dysfunction between you and your wife?
With radical honesty in mind? I'm assuming that I would not be trying to use the child to get over the sexual dysfunction.....so no. So if you stayed with your wife because of the children, you would tell them of the sexual dysfunction? Keep in mind there is no adultery here, just a sexual dysfunction. I said no...I'm not using the children as a means to get over my dysfunction...they would not be affected in any way shape or form because of my problem getting it up. It's apples and oranges. Many have divorced over sexual dysfunction. If your spouse had a sexual dysfunction and you decided to stay 'for the kids' would you tell them?
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,880
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,880 |
Would you share with your child a sexual dysfunction between you and your wife?
With radical honesty in mind? Easy there, Woody Allen!  Radical honesty and kids have never gone together. That's why we have Santa, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, the Stork, "mommy and daddy were wrestling", etc. Radical honesty only belongs in marriage in my opinion. True radical honesty, if applied to every situation, would destroy our entire society. Boss: "Why weren't you at work on Saturday?" Employee: "Because I can barely tolerate being here for 40 hours a week. I didn't f_cking feel like it!"
Last edited by Krazy71; 07/08/08 02:12 PM.
Divorced
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 11,245
Member
|
|
Member
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 11,245 |
Poor attempts to hide problems and actively telloing a child that THEY are the reason for mom or dad not seeking out their own happiness are apples and oranges. otoh, telling a child (who is old enough to understand) that, because of him/her, the parent is not running away from responsibilities but trying to own their half and learn and grow, not only shows the child their importance to the parent, but also gives a good role model for not hiding from your problems through strength, humility and perseverance. jeez, can't keep up with this thread!
Last edited by catperson; 07/08/08 02:03 PM.
|
|
|
|
0 members (),
260
guests, and
55
robots. |
|
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
|
|
