hey guys....so alot has happened to me since I was last here....

I got involved with a guy who is in the air force and stationed here. I wasn't really looking for anyone when I met his it just happened and started blossoming from there. We had a great start things were good for our first month and a half. Then one friday we had a small tiff but we talked and everything seemed okay. We had plans sunday. He never showed up.

I was really hurt and upset. for the life of me I couldn't seem to figure why I was upset over such a short term relationship. Then I got to thinking and went and got a pregnancy test and BINGO question answered. I was pregnant, alone, and scared out of my mind. Everything I had planned for my future was now not going to happen. After a week of no contact with him. He called and we disscussed the situation.

He swore he would stick by me and we started seeing each other again. We took trips together and were making our plans for doctor visits so we could both go as he wanted to be there. He has a very demanding military schedule. We seemed really happy. Then the unexpected happened. It is one of the most painful memeories I think I will have in my life. I miscarried. Being alone in the doctors his sgt wouldn't let him leave to be with me. Later that day when he finally was able to get free we were able to spend time together and he just held me while i cried.

Shortly after that all of my pregnancy sympytoms came back full blown. When you find yourself crying while yacking into the toilet and you feel like your chest went 10 rounds with mike tyson. You wonder whats up. So back to the doctors we were going.

He came to my house to take care of me. but after a few weeks he did the AWOL thing on me. I took all his stuff to his barracks found him and told him I was done. We susequently talked and he wormed his way back into my heart.

Then memorial day came around. We went camping with some friends. We were having a wonderful time he was so attentive and great to me. I allowed him to hang with some camping neighbors who were playing drinking games. My best friend and her boyfriend left on sunday but we were staying on for another day...i thought yay time to ourselves. Later that night after having an awesome day and great dinner the neighbors invited us over.

But the camp smoke was making me nausious and he was tipsy so I stayed to myself. eventually someone told him i was not in the best of spirits and he came over and we talked. He was being a social butterfly with the neighbors and drinking. Eventually he was drunk (I gave him leeway it was his break from the military for a weekend). In his drunk rambling I suddenly find him telling me things I DID NOT know about from his past.

Apparently before he joined the military he had an addiction problem. Not only did he smoke Marijuana but had a cocain addiction. This threw me I was shocked. But he said the military changed him he had been clean for awhile and would never do that stuff again. 10 min later I caught him smoking a bowl in a tent with the neighbors....I was furious and let him have it in front of the whole encampment. We went to our tent and fought for 3-4 hours. He said the most horrible hurtful things.

The next day I didn't sleep well and was nautious and felt like general crap. Called my Best friend who wanted to call his SGT on the spot. I came back to the tent and he woke up and I cried and we had SF. I told him how I felt....I had really fallen for him...maybe it was the hormones but I knew how I felt and I would move heaven and earth to give us a try. He said then lets give it a try.

Later that evening we discussed his drug use and i asked if he ever got counceling to which that earned a no and I don't need it. After that I was really worried and having horrible nightmares. I sought out the air force chaplain. Who I told everything and he agreed that my Boyfriend needed help. Unfortunatly the Chaplain had to go to training and was gone for a month. Our appt which BF agreed to go to was in the beginning of july.

I got my test results back and no more pregnancy but the doctor was still concerned and I was being transfered to another doctor. BF said he would stick by and go with me to appts. 2 weeks later he went AWOL from me again and wouldn't return calls/texts. I already had shown signs of post partum depression...and from there it spiraled down further. I couldn't eat/sleep/care really about anything. Lost 20lbs in 3 weeks.

I kept the appt with the chaplain and told hime everything that happened. He really helped me through my grief. He told me i should stay away from places i would bump into BF. I agreed the only thing I would not give up was my Birthday at my local hangout...where I never bump into BF. The owner and manager are great friends of mine and had made arrangements for my birthday.

I was moving forward and healing doing great. The night of my birthday I showed up with a group of 15 people and more eventually showed up to add to that. When we got there...MY ex BF was there.....I immediatly got shaken but MY BFF was totally there for me...I tried my best to just avaoid him...eventually he corned me at the bar. Firt thing I got asked was who i was there with.....second thing was that I looked good (all the while staring at me in a look I know too well). Then he wanted to get into it.

I had been drinking a bit....I let him have it then. Eventually BFF came and saved me. Later on he was talking to me again....things were going better and one of his male friend comes up and physically yanks him away. the rest of the night he and his friend did what they could to try and ruin my night to talking negativly about me to friends to walking past me and brushing up against me. Eventually I was very drunk. A member of my party got fed up and talked to him...his friends began interjecting and saying if we talked we would get back together (no he's had his 3 strikes). She told them both to shut up there opinions didn't matter and it was between he and I we had business still outstanding to settle. He told her when is friends wern't around to interject he would talk to me.

Eventually the night ended.....I don't remember much...i was told someone talked to him and he came to talk to me....i hit my head and I do remember him telling me I was drunk and wouldn't remember much the next day. But then apparently his friends grabbed him one on each arm and carted him off before we really even sopoke. i got upset...then one of his friends tried to start a fight with me.
Then I guess he tried calling me but his friends took his phone and tried to tell me how it was to which the people who were my sober drivers took the phone and told them to stay out of it and exBF could call me and talk.

I called the next day and left a message apologizing and said I was ready for that talk. I called the chaplain and told him what happened. I had been doing so well after he had been counceling me. This has sent me back down. Chaplain even went as far AS pulling BF into his office to dicuss lingering money issues and giving me closure that i need. I havdn't heard much till yesterday...out of the blue. BF calls my cell while I am at work. He leaves me a message saying he is calling to talk about whats happened lately and to call him back. I was shaking. I called after work. No answer left a message. Called this morning and left a message because I will be out of cell service tommarrow. Still no response.

There is the story 2x4 me and do your worst.....

Have you ever had counseling to figure out why you are compelled to persue losers?

Hope this changes, or you are in for a lifetime of heartache.

All blessings,
Jerry

i've been working with my grief counselor....unfortunatly this guy....I didn't know of half the problems until the end....he hid it well....his mom filled me in on the rest....I was floored.

SIHW,

Discernment is the first word that comes to mind.

If you don't learn lessons from your past history, you are compelled to repeat the same mistakes.

Relax and work on yourself and you will learn to develope a healthy outlook for just you. With that in place, the rest will come naturally.

And for the record, stop having sex with these BF's or you will end up with a pregnancy you don't want yet, or a disease to carry for the rest of your life. JMHO.

All blessings,
Jerry