Two weeks and one day ago I found out my DH was having an EA. We've been married almost 7 years and have two beautiful boys, 4 and almost 2. Complicating matters is he's a freemason. If any of you aren't familiar with that - they're supposed to be...I guess morally pure, for lack of a better term. There's a rule against "illicit affairs" with another mason's widow, sister, daughter, etc., but nothing specific about a mason's girlfriend (which the OW was). I didn't even have to look very hard - he left our computer history up and I quickly discovered an alternate email account and a myspace page. I confronted him, he lied at first but then confessed. He swears it never became physical, though they were having cyber-sex via text messages and talking on the phone (he says they never had phone sex). She also sent him a nude picture of herself. I called her and tried to confront her, but she evidently knew it was me calling and didn't answer. Instead I sent her two text messages - one that basically told her I knew about her and asked her to end contact, and a second pretty much calling her every filthy name in the book and a piece of worthless trash. I know that isn't "right" per se, but I don't regret it. She knew my DH was married and had small children and was supposedly happy in her relationship (which doesn't make sense to me). Plan A was pretty easy to implement since she lives on the other side of the country and they've only seen each other twice. I made him call her in front of me and end it with her. I have monitoring software on our computer now, I monitor his phone activity through our cell provider website, and I blocked her number from texting him (though no attempt has been made from either side). I also contacted her boyfriend through MySpace and let him know what was going on. This could conceivably get my DH kicked out of freemasonry - and in my opinion, it should. But it all depends on how much the OW BF wants to pursue it. It would be somewhat difficult across the country, though not impossible.

My emotions are all over the place, as I'm sure you understand. I'm in an unbelievable amount of pain. I've dealt with a traumatic childhood, severe depression/suicidal ideation my whole life (and had recovered)....but this by far outdoes all of that.

I've also been blogging, which has helped. We're trying to make it work and have an appointment next week to see a marriage counselor. I'm scared to trust him, but am still so in love with him and can't imagine life without him at this point. He's extremely remorseful and is trying to make things work, too. He recognizes we need to make a lot of changes, but still seems to wait for me to tell him what he needs to do, read, etc. I called him on it today and told him that doesn't work anymore, he needs to take some initiative. He acknowledged that's a fair request. Any advice on how to get him to step up even more than he is would be appreciated. Any other input is appreciated, too.

Thanks for reading if you got this far.

((broken_soul))

Sorry that you are going through this, but you sound like you have made some really great steps in exposure and establishing no contact. I too contacted OW and gave her a pc of my mind. My choice, I don't regret it.

Is there a way that you can counsel with the Harley's on this site? I would suggest that you read up on the site and the concepts of Dr. Harley. He has several books that you can purchase from this site.

There is an EN questionnaire that will help you and your husband begin to meet each other's emotional needs and repair the damage.

Thanks for getting back to me.

I've been spending A LOT of time on this site since finding out about the affair...and I'm really loving it. I only discovered this discussion forum yesterday. All the reading I've been doing has made me feel quite a bit better and less out of control. It's also really opened my eyes as to what issues our marriage has.

I would love to counsel with the Harleys, but I can't afford it unfortunately. We're in pretty dire straits financially...bankruptcy and foreclosure are upcoming. The marriage counseling we'll be attending is free through my work. We did the EN questionnaire day before yesterday, which was an eye-opener for me. Hopefully the therapist will be able to offer some guidance as well. I'm hoping that by me pointing out that although he wants things to work, he just seems along for the ride will help, but I'm not sure. I'm just worried about investing more time/emotion, etc. and ultimately having to divorce anyway. My husband is extremely selfish and self-centered.

You're in great company here in the JFO area. I see that you created a 2nd post here.

You have a unique situation with the Masons that may be well served by moving your story to the General Questions area too. That way you can get additional input should you choose to.

There is a variety of posters in that area and you might get lucky to find someone that has a similar situation.

As far as your affair situation, you have all of us in your circle about that. We've all been through it. Sad, but true.

Glad you found MB!

Thanks, I'll post it over there too.

i just found out a few days ago my husband has been having an affair with a married women.i found a very sexual tex on his phone from her.i confronted him he told me the truth i asked him if he loved her he said no and he says he has no feelings for her it was just sex. he told me he loves me and hes in love with me i made him call her in front of me and end it. i also called her and told her to stay away from him or i would go to her husband,so he said he wants to get counciling to find out why he cheated.i have all these emotions we still share the same bed. you may think thats crazy but we have been together for 7 years i cant sleep alone i got so emmotional i jumped on him and started kissing him and he just balled like a baby is this normal for me to want him to hold me please help me i dont understand why i want him to kiss me and hold me