Two weeks and one day ago I found out my DH was having an EA. We've been married almost 7 years and have two beautiful boys, 4 and almost 2. Complicating matters is he's a freemason. If any of you aren't familiar with that - they're supposed to be...I guess morally pure, for lack of a better term. There's a rule against "illicit affairs" with another mason's widow, sister, daughter, etc., but nothing specific about a mason's girlfriend (which the OW was). I didn't even have to look very hard - he left our computer history up and I quickly discovered an alternate email account and a myspace page. I confronted him, he lied at first but then confessed. He swears it never became physical, though they were having cyber-sex via text messages and talking on the phone (he says they never had phone sex). She also sent him a nude picture of herself.
I called her and tried to confront her, but she evidently knew it was me calling and didn't answer. Instead I sent her two text messages - one that basically told her I knew about her and asked her to end contact, and a second pretty much calling her every filthy name in the book and a piece of worthless trash. I know that isn't "right" per se, but I don't regret it. She knew my DH was married and had small children and was supposedly happy in her relationship (which doesn't make sense to me). Plan A was pretty easy to implement since she lives on the other side of the country and they've only seen each other twice. I made him call her in front of me and end it with her. I have monitoring software on our computer now, I monitor his phone activity through our cell provider website, and I blocked her number from texting him (though no attempt has been made from either side). I also contacted her boyfriend through MySpace and let him know what was going on. This could conceivably get my DH kicked out of freemasonry - and in my opinion, it should. But it all depends on how much the OW BF wants to pursue it. It would be somewhat difficult across the country, though not impossible.
My emotions are all over the place, as I'm sure you understand. I'm in an unbelievable amount of pain. I've dealt with a traumatic childhood, severe depression/suicidal ideation my whole life (and had recovered)....but this by far outdoes all of that.
I've also been blogging, which has helped. We're trying to make it work and have an appointment next week to see a marriage counselor. I'm scared to trust him, but am still so in love with him and can't imagine life without him at this point. He's extremely remorseful and is trying to make things work, too. He recognizes we need to make a lot of changes, but still seems to wait for me to tell him what he needs to do, read, etc. I called him on it today and told him that doesn't work anymore, he needs to take some initiative. He acknowledged that's a fair request. Any advice on how to get him to step up even more than he is would be appreciated. Any other input is appreciated, too.
Thanks for reading if you got this far.