My W and i have been married for almost seven years and we have two girls 5 and 2. We had what i thought was a good marraige, we have had our problmes, her and i both were talking to other people about two years ago but it ended without anything ever happening with eithor party. I have not been the best husband that i can be and i know my faults now. But she brought this up so suddenly about a month ago, she said that she didnt feel like she was in love with me anymore and she feels we have grown apart. About two weeks before all this happend we had one of her friends from work(unmarried and 19 female) move in with us temporarally. She said that she has been feeling this way for some time but she never gave me any kind of indication that anything was wrong. Our sex life was great, she was constantly buying me things for no reasson, everything seemed to be fine. She agreed to seperate for a while but after two weeks has said that she plans on filing. I have tried to express my feelings to her time and time again but all of my attempts have failed. She is not willing to do counceling, she has repetedly said that this is not about some one else or wanting to be with someone else. She said that she dose not know who she is and wants to find herself. I have already been to counceling but it is not helping. I dont know what else to do, i am trying to put my trust in god and let him take control but its realy hard. I know that she is a child of god but right now she isnt acting like it matters to get a divorce when there are no biblical grounds. I dont know what to do. Any advice anyone. please

Odie,

Welcome to MB and sorry for your pain.

Have you read all of Harley's Basic Concepts?

I'm sorry to say this, but your wife is most likely having an affair.

I recommend you cut and past your post into a new thread on General Questions II in the infidelity section for more traffic.

L2F

I really dont think that she is cheating on me, she has always been a very honest person, she came to me two years ago and told me what she was doing as far as her going to see this other person for attention and when she new that it could have gone to far she stopped and told me about it. I have given her many oppertunities to tell me if that is the case, i've asked allot and mostly in person. She also told me through this whole thing that she has been completly honest with me. I dont know what to think, i mean what i did to her two years ago was worse than what she did to me. Even though nothing happened i was talking online to her sisiter, no sexual talk or anything like that but in a way that was wrong. She found out and so did her family. Her family has forgivin me but it has been harder on her i think on so many levels that i cant understand.

Superodie, it sounds to me like she is having an affair. And if that is the case she would not be honest about it.

Has she already moved out for your separation? Who has the kids?

she has not moved out yet, i am staying with my dad and she has the kids but i have them just as mush as she does. Are house is in a town that is about half an hour from the town that her family lives in and she is wanting to move back there to be around her family more. I have spoken to her whole family and especially to her mom who she has told everything through this and she has assured me with confadence that that is most defenatlly not the case and if it were she would told her. Her mom said that she has opened up to her more now than she ever has.

Moving out was a huge mistake. Not only does it doom your marriage, but many courts view it as abandonment and it will greatly harm your position in any future court proceedings. Moving out makes it impossible to work on your marriage and if there is an affair, it just facilitates the affair.

Why would YOU move out if she wanted the separation??

Here is a thread about how stupid it is to move out: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubb...in=147437&Number=1984719#Post1984719

Our mothers are usually the LAST people we would EVER TELL if we are having an affair. Most women go to great lengths to HIDE it from their mothers. So you shouldn't go by that. Better to move back home and do some sleuthing on your own. Check her phone bills, computer, have her tailed. An affairee is not likely to tell others about her affair.

One tactic that many waywards use is to get the gullible spouse to move out so she can "have space" to "think things over." Then once the spouse is out of the house, they just "happen" to meet to some new stud and a relationship develops. Because in the minds of many foggy people, a separation justifies adultery.

They then quietly move the new stud in to take the place of the BH.

This is how many waywards replace the betrayed husband with a new stud. Sadly, many men fall for this and move out leaving their marriage and children to a new man.

I have to agree with ML about your mother's being the LAST on you would tell of your affair. I know this from experience because my DH during a time of struggle opened up to his father about some things but he failed to tell him that he was finding comfort in the arms of my BF whom he later had an affair with.

My W was also communicating more with her mother, when we started to have marital problems, than she ever had in the past....except she left out the part where she was currently sleeping with OM. I think you need to look into your options for snooping on your wife. My first guess is that she is having an affair.

Ok superodie, we all thought the same thing.

Our wives could never be involved in an affair.

Time to do as we suggest and I am the resident successful snooper.

First and foremost get yourself a digital voice activated recorder and hide it in the car or wherever she yaks on her cellphone the most.

Second, get access to the PHONE BILL.

Third DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES let her know you are snooping.

NO MATTER WHAT YOU DISCOVER to begin with.

You need to mount up evidence for EXPOSURE. You need ABSOLUTE PROOF or she will gaslight you and convince you that you are insane or just "trying to controll HER life".

Change the batteries daily and save the sound files to a computer that is not at home.

ABSOLUTELY DO NOT let on th what you are up to, otherwise she will go deep underground to "find herself" and have your guilt fund the affair.

Once you have your evidence and SOLID PROOF, expose to other man's wife, family and her family, church and if they work together, the HR department.

She IS going to go nuclear when you expose. Ignore this, it's an alien speaking in place of your wife. When she accuses you of breaking her trust, you tell her you are doing whatever it takes to save your marriage.

EXPOSURE is like a big ole can of raid, it kills affairs dead.

You still around, superodie?