I separated last July from my ex-husband and filed for divorce. He committed adultery and after a year of fighting, the divorce was granted and final in July. In April I met this guy who was divorce and he has been wonderful as a friend in helping me through this divorce and simply listening to me. I am definitely falling for this man. He has been such a support to me and I cannot imagine him not in my life. We have been starting to become more exclusive and I want to start a relationship with him. We are both Christians but from a different sect. I am the church goer and he has been respectful of my beliefs. He definitely prays but I use spirituality in my daily life more than he and active in my church. He states he wants to be more active in religious activities. My family is very protective of me as I am the youngest of 7 and honestly they want me to married someone in the same religion as me. I do want someone that believes what I believe and someone that goes to church. I don't want to change him or think that he would change.

This guy is wonderful and he treats me like I have never been treated before. I am struggling with making sure I am not just rebounding after my divorce. I am struggling between love or religion. I feel like he has everything I am looking for but may never be a church goer or convert to my religion. He is open to learning more. I am open to learning about his but religion is my life and I will always go to my church. I am the one truly practicing my religion. That is one reason why he likes me because he sees that I have been faithful in my beliefs and has defined me as a person.

Should I stop something so good because of our different beliefs and to appease my family? After a horrible marriage, I want someone that will be faithful and honest and love me for me. I feel myself around him. He knows how religion is a big part of my life and feels that it shouldn't stop us. He is open to learning more. I just feel torn between letting myself let something good in my life or do I only date people in my religion. I did when I married and he treated me awful so I think there are no garantees. Any thoughts?

"We are both Christians but from a different sect."

What are your different sects? Not being nosy, just know that some can fit together and some clash - even if they are called "christian".

If he isn't active in church, find out why. It could be that his didn't teach being very active. I know lots of guys that claim to be christian but don't practice it and considering their sect and the area we live in, I can understand why.

Is he willing to go to church with you?

The more you can find out the better. Dont' go head over heals before you know the relationship will work from a logical standpoint. That was the toughest lesson I had to learn where dating is concerned.

Oh yea, by the way, don't let your family rule your life. You can listen to them, but you are the one that has to live your life - not them. Bet they weren't too quick to toss your first one if he was the same religion. I married out of my own chuch two times. Neither time did it work. Just because someone goes to the same church you do doesn't mean they believe the same way you do. I ended up with jerks both times!!

Good Luck,
RMW

Well, it sounds like this man will be supportive of your religion and beliefs. The question really is, can you be supportive of his? I'm thinking probably not, given certain phrases.
"He definitely prays but I use spirituality in my daily life more than he ..." How can you tell? If you mean "religion" when you say spirituality, you are probably right. But, if you mean the emotional, soul driven stuff without the constructs of religion, you could be entirely wrong. Our spiritual paths are deeply personal and are not easily read by others.

I am the one truly practicing my religion.
This to me is borderline disrespectful. Would he agree with this statement that he is not truly practicing his religion? What if he did start going to a church in his denomination? Would you be willing to support that? What about how the children are raised?

Since this is so hard, Suzanne, I suggest YOU learn more about HIS religion, because you're the one struggling here. If after learning more, you decide it's not something you can support, I think you need to break it off. For example, if your faith takes the Bible literally, and his does not, can you still accept him as a Christian? Could you on occassion go to his church if he decided to suddenly start going? Could you welcome free discussion of different interpretations of a Biblical verse during dinner with your children? Likewise, some denominations believe in transubstantiation... that the host and the wine actually become flesh and blood of Christ. Other denominations believe it is only symbolic. This one is actually a big one for me. I couldn't go to a church that believed the wine and bread remained wine and bread. I respect Christians that do belive the stuff doesn't change, but I'm never comfortable in their churches.

These are big questions, but important to get them now. Just keep in mind that when you marry and have children, you won't have sole control over the religious upbringing of the chidren. Your husband will have a say as well.

Start here. Spell out for yourself how your beliefs differ. Not that he belongs to this denomination, and you belong to that one. But I believe X; he believes Y. Once you have that list, spend some time thinking about it, and whether the differences in your beliefs are insurmountable for you or not. Some differences might have huge implications for your future together. Others might have none at all.

i normally don't point this out but you felt the need to impress us with how spiritual you are so i couldn't help it

your BF is a divorced man who starting dating a married woman

red flag

Well whatever you do, do not rush into marriage with him. I agree with the suggestions about really trying to fully understand how you two differ spiritually, regardless of the labels.

Do you feel like you can't open up about your spirituality with him? If you speak 'christianese', does he tend to look at you weird or tone you out? If there were a couples activity at church, do you think you both could be comfortable there together? Have you always been as active as you are now, and could you be happy if you weren't quite as active?

I wouldn't suggest anyone reduce their relationship with God for the sake of a relationship, but I do think people with slightly different beliefs and ways of expressing those beliefs can learn a lot from each other, enjoy common ground, and respect the difference.

My wife is Buddhist and we have no conflicts at all.
My family accepts her for who she is and hers accepts me.
I believe to want anything but for the other's happiness in their beliefs is truly selfish.
Don't try and change your partner as they should not try and change you.

What are the major differences in religious beliefs. Most Christian denominations agree on the basic principals of the faith. They usually disagree on minor issues like immersion baptism or how to take communion, etc.

Religion is no guarantee of a good marriage. My ex wife and her lover, used god to justify their affair. After all, if god wants them together, then disobeying the commandments and violating their sacred marriage vows is not a sin. Right?

If he is a good man, forget the minor differences.

Bwhahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

You don't have any children do you?

This matters why?
If someone is looking for differences, they'll find them.

And why is this funny?

In many cases, Lorax, faith isn't a big issue until children are born and a decision about how to raise them regarding faith comes to the front. Then, religion can become a huge issue.

If you have children and have successfully handled different beliefs, I think you're story would contribute a lot.

We didn't press how they should be indoctrinated on religion.
Though my family wanted to dictate how they should be raised, it was ultimately none of their business.
And we kept it that way.
Her family had less problems with the girls going to churches with my parents than my parents did with hers.
In fact they got almost controlling and hateful over it.
We had to let it never become an issue between us.

But the girls grew up just fine and are both starting promising medical careers.
Just like their wonderful mother.