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#2105112 08/06/08 02:05 PM
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Will there ever come a time that the waves of wanting to exact revenge on the OW will stop?

I don't have any plans of following through with those feelings...but it bothers me that I still feel that way. I don't want to carry around that anger for the rest of my life - it'll eat me alive and she sure as hell doesn't deserve that kind of energy expense. I know that the best revenge is for my marriage to not only survive, but get stronger, and I feel like we've made tentative steps in that direction.

It's VERY helpful to me that she lives several states away, otherwise I might be much more easily tempted. I think complicating things is I tried to confront her (by phone), and she knew it was me calling and was too much of a spineless coward to face the music. I texted her a vile text, calling her every filthy name I could think of and told her I knew she was involved with my husband. I also outed her to her BF, but from what I can tell from MySpace, they're still together.

I want her to hurt as much as I've hurt, and it seems like she hasn't really suffered any consequences for what she did.


Me(bw/fww) 39
recovering with amazing fwh/bh 36
DS 7
DS 4

His
EA Oct '07 - 7/2/08 (d-day)
NC 7/4/08

Hers
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d-day: 7/2/08 (denied by fwh)
confessed: 7/3/08, NC call to OW same day

You are only a month into this. It takes a long time. There are no miracle pills for this. There are no real shortcuts. Try to focus on you and your marriage. Don’t give her that much power.


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Originally Posted by chrisner
Quote
d-day: 7/2/08 (denied by fwh)
confessed: 7/3/08, NC call to OW same day

You are only a month into this. It takes a long time. There are no miracle pills for this. There are no real shortcuts. Try to focus on you and your marriage. Don’t give her that much power.

Yeah, I know you're right.... frown I just really dislike feeling this way. It does eventually go away though, right?


Me(bw/fww) 39
recovering with amazing fwh/bh 36
DS 7
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His
EA Oct '07 - 7/2/08 (d-day)
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My D-Day was Thanksgiving of 2006. I exposed and Plan A'd hard (NC unfortunately only lasted 21 days) but WxW left at the end of January 2007. She filed for divorce in February and it was final mid-June of 2007. To my limited knowledge, she is still with OM as of today. I have not seen her or spoken to her in over a year.

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It does eventually go away though, right?

It gets better as time passes. Go away?......hmmmmm...I suspect in my case, that level of indifference to the adultery will take years to achieve.


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A NORMAL, HEALTHY person should feel anger at injustice. When you are wrongly treated, you are supposed to FEEL ANGER. The anger diminishes with time. That is part of RECOVERY.

I honestly don't know how ANGER ever got such a bad rap. It has been a MYSTERY to me my whole life. crazy

The ones I worry about are the ones who do not feel anger; who stuff anger. They are a walking time bomb.


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

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They are a walking time bomb.

That's good to know Mel. For a while I was a walking F-Bomb. So I am probably safe.


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I feel like a walking A-Bomb.

The anger for the other women has subsided a bit, but the anger for my WH and his antics is what will take me the longest, because I was INVESTED in him, I loved him. I don't give a care for the other women.

With marital recovery, your anger for them SHOULD, eventually, subside to a state of indifference.


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Originally Posted by MelodyLane
A NORMAL, HEALTHY person should feel anger at injustice. When you are wrongly treated, you are supposed to FEEL ANGER. The anger diminishes with time. That is part of RECOVERY.

I honestly don't know how ANGER ever got such a bad rap. It has been a MYSTERY to me my whole life. crazy

The ones I worry about are the ones who do not feel anger; who stuff anger. They are a walking time bomb.

I agree.

Trust me - I haven't stuffed it. DH knows (and so does she, thanks to the text I sent her) EXACTLY what I think of her.

To me it seems like there's a fine line between normal, healthy anger - especially as part of the healing process...and letting it take over. That's what I'm afraid of - being 5, 10, 20 or more years down the road and STILL being furious with her and longing for revenge.


Me(bw/fww) 39
recovering with amazing fwh/bh 36
DS 7
DS 4

His
EA Oct '07 - 7/2/08 (d-day)
NC 7/4/08

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NC 3/17/10


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The anger for the other women has subsided a bit,

Yeah, in my case I thought OM and I were friends. I guess I need to work on my selection process for both wives and friends.

As a result, I still don't get too far between woodchipper daydreams about OM.

But everyday is a little better.

Last edited by chrisner; 08/06/08 02:51 PM.

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Originally Posted by MelodyLane
A NORMAL, HEALTHY person should feel anger at injustice. When you are wrongly treated, you are supposed to FEEL ANGER. The anger diminishes with time. That is part of RECOVERY.

Then I think I am a VERY Healthy Person grin

But my anger has subsided. I do not feel anger any more about the EA or about the other woman.

I do still sometimes feel very frustrated over the recovery process and the ongoing marriage building.


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Originally Posted by chrisner
That's good to know Mel. For a while I was a walking F-Bomb. So I am probably safe.

you da funny man! lol laugh

Anger is a HEALTHY emotional response, a HEALTHY emotional response, a HEALTHY emotional response, a HEALTHY emotional response, a HEALTHY emotional response........


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

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Originally Posted by silentlucidity
I feel like a walking A-Bomb.

The anger for the other women has subsided a bit, but the anger for my WH and his antics is what will take me the longest, because I was INVESTED in him, I loved him. I don't give a care for the other women.

With marital recovery, your anger for them SHOULD, eventually, subside to a state of indifference.

I think what bothers me about the OW is she has a BF. She's been married twice, has three children. She KNEW my husband is married, and that we have two small boys. My FWH even sent her pics of our kids for crying out loud!! (Don't get me started on that, either...makes me sick to my stomach). She not only allowed the relationship - but ENCOURAGED it. I realize they both participated...but I guess in my mind she took it up a notch - she kept upping the ante. SHE sent HIM a naked pic of herself. sick


Me(bw/fww) 39
recovering with amazing fwh/bh 36
DS 7
DS 4

His
EA Oct '07 - 7/2/08 (d-day)
NC 7/4/08

Hers
EA/RA 6/'09-3/'10
NC 3/17/10


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Originally Posted by MelodyLane
Originally Posted by chrisner
That's good to know Mel. For a while I was a walking F-Bomb. So I am probably safe.

you da funny man! lol laugh

Anger is a HEALTHY emotional response, a HEALTHY emotional response, a HEALTHY emotional response, a HEALTHY emotional response, a HEALTHY emotional response........

LOL I hear you....I swear I do!!


Me(bw/fww) 39
recovering with amazing fwh/bh 36
DS 7
DS 4

His
EA Oct '07 - 7/2/08 (d-day)
NC 7/4/08

Hers
EA/RA 6/'09-3/'10
NC 3/17/10


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Oh, OW#1 was the Zombie's supervisor (she started out as his coworker). She came to my house, to a party that we threw for the 4th of July, talking to me about how much she liked her nephews and how she didn't know if she could hack it as a mom, but she would like to and blahbetty blah blah. In the middle of the night, she sent my WH an email talking about how much she wanted to kiss him when she was leaving after the party.

Now, I am STILL angry with her, just not nearly as much as I was initially.

As for Aimless (OW#2), well, the death blow was given with OW#1, so my anger has mainly be directed at her.

MOST of my anger is directed at the Zombie. This could have been resolved with a repentent husband working hard to earn his "F". As it stood, he just fueled my ire.


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silentlucidity....I've been meaning to ask you....are you a Queensryche fan?? laugh

Ugh, I'm sorry for what you've gone through. I never realized how common all of this was until I became a statistic.


Me(bw/fww) 39
recovering with amazing fwh/bh 36
DS 7
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His
EA Oct '07 - 7/2/08 (d-day)
NC 7/4/08

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Well fortunatly I recently heard that Anger is a HEALTHY emotional response so I am feeling better already.

I think I will bake cookies tonight and feed bluebirds. Or maybe sharpen the knives in the woodchipper instead.



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Anger is GOOD FOR YOU, FEAR is unhealthy: http://www.livescience.com/health/051103_anger.html


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Originally Posted by chrisner
Well fortunatly I recently heard that Anger is a HEALTHY emotional response so I am feeling better already.

I think I will bake cookies tonight and feed bluebirds. Or maybe sharpen the knives in the woodchipper instead.

LOL....would you share the cookies with me? I think I'd rather you keep the knives though. wink


Me(bw/fww) 39
recovering with amazing fwh/bh 36
DS 7
DS 4

His
EA Oct '07 - 7/2/08 (d-day)
NC 7/4/08

Hers
EA/RA 6/'09-3/'10
NC 3/17/10


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Originally Posted by chrisner
Well fortunatly I recently heard that Anger is a HEALTHY emotional response so I am feeling better already.

I think I will bake cookies tonight and feed bluebirds. Or maybe sharpen the knives in the woodchipper instead.

grin **snort**


"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt

Exposure 101


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Originally Posted by MelodyLane
Anger is GOOD FOR YOU, FEAR is unhealthy: http://www.livescience.com/health/051103_anger.html

Interesting!


Me(bw/fww) 39
recovering with amazing fwh/bh 36
DS 7
DS 4

His
EA Oct '07 - 7/2/08 (d-day)
NC 7/4/08

Hers
EA/RA 6/'09-3/'10
NC 3/17/10


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