I got a text from the XW's phone today. It was actually from my DD6. She and her brother are in RI with their mom visiting her family. The text message basically said that she (DD6) loves me and misses. It was even complete with smilies. So I replied back to DD6, via text to the XW's phone, that I miss and love her and her brother and I can't wait to see them again next week. Again, a reply from DD6 that she can't wait to see me too, and more smilies.

I just find it odd because it's really their mom doing all of the texting for them. I assume that DD6 was dictating what she wanted to say. She's too young to be doing the texting herself. We're only just now teaching her to use a regular phone.

I'm not saying that there was any subtext or hidden meaning in the messages from the XW. Especially not with the nasty email exchange we recently had with me reestablishing boundaries around contact between us. It just felt odd corresponding affectionately with my DD6 with the XW as the conduit.

Be grateful the XW is willing to be the 'conduit' as you phased it. Just maybe, it was Grandmother Conduit. **edit**

I confess that I'm having a hard time interpreting your most recent two replies to me. I think I should seek clarification before I out and out assume that you're trying to bait me.

**edit**

Yeah, I'm just going to go ahead and put you on ignore.

Please do. That will make it easier. Thanks for your consideration.

I think it's pretty interesting. If my girls had wanted to tell daddy they loved him, I'd probably have them call rather than fill in the text for them.

Hi Seabird,

I could see how it would feel awkward for you. It may very well feel awkward for your XW too. Something I could imagine my 6-year-olds doing, is wanting to learn to use the phone and asking how to send a message. Maybe it's cus they're boys, I dunno having never had girls, but I could see them asking me to tell them how to send something, and they want to be the ones to actually type in. The idea to send a message would be theirs, the text of the message would be theirs, and they would be the ones doing the typing - they would just need someone to tell them which buttons to push or how to spell something.

Does that seem like something your DD6 might do?

The use of the gadget would be DS6's main focus, not the desire to tell someone they love them. Not saying that's what your DD6 was doing!

I wouldn't make too much of this. I too have acted as a conduit for my boys, when they were younger mostly, and I did it for a couple of reasons. First, I wanted them to know their dad and I could communicate without any problems. Second, it gave me insight into the relationship with their father. Sometimes I felt it might have been a test to check on my relationship with the ex, not that they understood it that way, but kids do have an uncanny knack for figuring things out about their parents when they are curious.

I'm sorry I don't know anything about the relationship between you and your ex and if things are really terrible maybe she's taking a step to correct that? Just a thought, you know her better than anyone here.

My DD6 being curious about learning how to text seems plausible. She pays attention and notices when I send and receive them based on the chime on my phone. I'll just ask DD6 whose idea it was the next time I see her.

I sent a text to their mom a little while later thanking her. Kind of a big deal for me since I won't normally cross the room to speak to her. Her only response was "ok".

*shrug*

It's still a relatively new form of communication, and I don't think that there are many common impressions or established rules of behavior for it in these types of situations.

I know you have me on ignor, but in the event curiosity gets the better of you, I have to ask what are you referring to with this comment.




Are you suggesting that because it is mobile text messaging that some new set of rules are yet to be agreed upon as to how it is used between divorced individuals?

What difference does it make how your daughter contacts you? It is NORMAL for a child to want or need to have contact with a parent especially in absentia. The means: landline, telegraph, text messaging, smoke signals, or 1st class mail, what does it matter? Whether it was your daughter's original idea or your former wife suggested and encouraged it, it is still good for your daughter to keep in contact with you.

Your marriage is over. But the relationship with your children has yet to be determined. If your former wife is willingly cooperating to facilitate the growth of this relationship with them, you should count your blessings. This is not always how things develop.

You may need to work on not always looking a gift horse in the mouth. Who's idea it was really isn't important. Not really.

I'm pretty sure Seabird was referring to text messaging.

I imagine how strange it would feel if I got a letter from my 3 year old written in my ex's handwritting.

I never had a doubt. But that wasn't my question.

I am not sure you receiving a letter in your wife's handwriting from your 3 year old is in the same catagory. But since you brought it up, I will ask you, why would it seem strange considering your 3 year old probably couldn't write a letter yet? Your wife was merely 'lending a hand' so to speak.

If two adults with children part company on cordial grounds and have discussed their childrens welfare and best interests, continuing communication between the estranged parent and the child/children is a good thing and the custodial parent assumes the responsibility of assisting with the communication. I, personally, see nothing strange in that.

In my own situation, as the betrayed spouse, my former wife is very negligent with this as it concerns our daughter. It is very apparent that she would prefer that our daughter and me have little or no contact. And during our final days together she was very vocal saying things which were destructive toward me and our daughter's continued relationship. So it is no surprise to me that I don't hear from our daughter except as a last-ditch attempt to meet some need she has.

The only thing which would genuinely surprise me is to receive an apology from my former wife for all the verbal and emotional abuse I endured throughout much of the marriage. And for the unbelieveably cruel and thoughtless utterances near and at the end. But the method she used to communicate her apology would make no difference. She could hire a skywriting airplane for all I care.

However, it simply isn't in her makeup to apologize much less believe I have one due to me. So we weren't one of those fortunate couples who,quietly and in orderly fashion,conclude the marriage has run its course and part friends. What the future has in store remains to be seen.

It would be strange to read expressions of love in my ex's handwriting because handwriting is so deeply personal. It would be like my child opening her mouth and her father's voice coming out. Obviously, not everyone would have the same reaction.

Sorry your wife hasn't made it easy for you and your daughter to continue to have a solid relationship.

This is exactly what I was getting at. I won't guess at the reason for your clarification, but you are correct. Texting as a medium of information exchange is pretty simple, but as an emotional exchange, it is imperfect and challenging. Trying to convey positive emotion through a third party for whom I have nothing but negative feelings makes it really awkward.

**edit**

Tell you what..if my daughter opened her mouth and some mans voice came from it, I would probably break all records for the 100 yard dash.

I understand your regarding handwriting as personal. As for 'deeply personal'...that's a little more personal than I can feel for it.

Anyway, as a personal example, there were times when I was in the service and would receive a letter from my mother. It was not uncommon for her to pass along a few things my dad wanted to say to me. This portion of the letter was his thinking but in her handwriting. I simply took it as though it were from him. Of course he wrote a few letters in his own hand, but to me THE LETTER is what mattered. If it were typed, it held the same 'value' for me as handwritten letters.

This is why I didn't understand your saying it would be strange to you to receive a letter 'from your daughter' in your wife's hand. I would have taken the letter as from my daughter and been appreciative my wife had been willing to be the medium.

**edit**

Wow. Can't believe I read that one...........

What's up, Itcoudhappen?

You would have to read all his posts. Even then you may not get the feel that I did about this guy. What I was saying here is simply had I had to listen to him expound on everything the way he does, I would have been long gone myself.

His wife never had a chance.....if she were my sister, he'd never be able to talk again.

But you can rest easy. I am finished looking at his jibber-jabber.

That's what's up with that.

ICH, I don't know what the history is between you and Seabird, and I don't have time to try to find out. But if you don't like reading his posts, why are you here, on his thread? It sure seems to me like you're trying to bait him. You posted something that got edited so I didn't see it, but his reply was that he'd put you on ignore, and you thanked him saying that would make things easier... Is that because you are having problems leaving him alone? If you are glad he put you on ignore, why are you still posting to him?

Sorry, I'm just baffled. Maybe if I knew the history... I thought for awhile that maybe an inappropriate EA-type relationship had formed on one of your parts but not the other... or that you were angry at divorced single men... but I see you're a guy.

No need to reply unless you want, I'm certainly not trying to bait you, just saying I'm baffled is all. But that's not too unusual. lol

Your daughter had your ex send you a text message for her. Take it for what it is. If you don't like it, ask the ex not to have your kids send you a text.

**EDIT**

For him to say what believer quoted in her (his?) post is definitely at odds with It's very odd obsession with me. Really, I just want to be left alone, but instead he's decided to follow me around and harass me from thread to thread.

**EDIT**