Goldie is a yellow flag. Yellow flags mean something else.

A few from my experience:

A woman that puts her pets above her kids. Met one like that and it freaked me out.

Too quick to jump into bed.

Too eager to be in a relationship. I respect a woman that takes a break from dating after the end of a long relationship.

If eating disorder or bipolar is ever mentioned, run!

Too young.

I dated a woman who wanted to change how I dressed and talked and she was absorbed in external things. Dumped her.

A woman who wants to be a mom to my kids. They already have a mom. Be a role model and a mentor. But mom role is taken.

Excessive jealousy. A little is attractive. Too much is not.

Woman with excessive mood swings.

Woman who doesn't know when to dress up and when to dress down. Baggy t-shirts and flip flops aren't attractive and you shouldn't leave your home that way unless heading to the pool.

Excessive makeup: Sign of insecurity.

Someone who has many pictures of herself with "come hither" looks: again, shows insecurity and a need for attention.

Excessive cursing. Never attractive. A little can be cute.

No female friends or very few. BIG red flag.

Tons of guy friends. BIG red flag.

Saying, "I make better friends with men than with women". BIG red flag that's on fire with sparks flying off the end and blinkers attached with sirens going off.

- I'm defending myself here !
Tons of guy friends. BIG red flag.

Saying, "I make better friends with men than with women". BIG red flag that's on fire with sparks flying off the end and blinkers attached with sirens going off.

When I worked in another industry - it was mostly males - so yes, we became friends. I had more male than female friends.

A smart women knows how to keep a man/men as a friend. You set a standard and you don't cross the line. My friends wives were happy when they traveled with me, they knew me and my rules. I would never and still won't jeopardize a true friendship for a roll in the hay !!

Also, some women have trouble being friends with anattractive women. They act likes it a competition, I had that trouble earlier in my life (glad that's over) youth, insecurity..

I still have many male friends, some of them are from my old job, friends for 20+ years. They are not nor never were a problem with my relationships.

What??

Has everyone forgotten the infamous "MARIO TEST"??

Charlotte Kasl wrote a book called If the Buddha Dated which had an excellent chapter about red flags.

It's a very good book and was recommended to me by a therapist near the start of my relationship with The Diplomat. He read it also and thought it was very good. It is more about working on yourself than anything else. It has been discussed at great length here on the boards though it has been a long time since any such discussion.

It's short and easy to read.

How about tons of guy AND girl friends???

Is that 1/2 of a red flag???

(Just my lame attempt at humor).............

Laura

BIG red flags for me...

women that have whorish friends. IMHO, people hang out with those of similar values.

friends that have or are having affairs....and they all keep their little mouths shut about it.

girls nights out in bars. Is that ALL they know how to do?

NEVER reaching for a check.

having hatred towards their ex.

not properly protecting their children. Heck, any woman that wants me to meet her kids after a month or two is a HUGE red flag.

male "friends" that just happen to be ex-lovers. Yeah, okay...you really (read sarcasm) can be just friends NOW.

spending above their means.

a very checkered past...and proud of it.

previously cheated on a partner.

OH, and the woman that has a few gay male friends is ALWAYS dysfunctional.

Or they're just everyday women who happen to live in Massachusetts!

actually a red flag would be a liberal woman from Massachusetts. Special breed they are!

(definition: American Heritage Dictionary)Liberal: Not limited to or by established, traditional, orthodox or authoritarian attitudes, views, or dogmas; free from bigotry. Favoring proposals for reform, open to new ideas for progress and tolerant of the ideas and behaviors of others; broadminded.

Massachusetts-born and bred women are the most educated in the country, have the lowest incidence of divorce, are least likely to commit suicide. White women in Massachusetts are the least likely in the country to contact sexually transmitted diseases.

Ironically, however, many who call themselves liberals are not tolerant of conservatives, which ends up being a form of bigtory, calling those who they deign to be not liberal, as unenlightened, etc.

Therefore, few who call themselves liberal really are liberal, they just display different discriminations than do conservatives.

educated in the most liberal institutions = book smarts with no morality.

broadminded...well, so long as it doesn't mean wind mills where Teddy can see them.

tolerant of the ideas of others...yeah so long as we can keep on killing unborn babies.




that's because of all the red flags...no one will sleep with them...well, except for Teddy...and he isn't in shape to do that these days.



Liberals RUN from that label when it comes time for elections.

"Poor relationships with parents, siblings, their children"

I have to disagree with that one. Actually it depends on how you define a "good" relationship with them. If I hadn't cut almost ALL ties with my FOO for over 2 years, I'd still be so messed up that I couldn't function. Thankfully I did, stayed in counseling since Dec 06 and the last trip in my counselor grinned and said "you have grown up", (she is amazed at the progress I've made overcoming the obstacles that were in my life). My FOO wouldn't let me, all of them except my neices and nephews tried to control every move I made! That ain't good for anybody!!

I have two grown, happily married children. We have a great relationship! I don't try to control them in any way; I let them know that I will "love" them no matter what - (I have had to use tough love a couple times when they were growing up); I only give advice when it is asked for - except for once when one of my kids could see some of the same things I could and then I just confirmed what they saw and added some more facts that hadn't been mentioned. They still made their own decisions and feel good about themselves and their lives. And I'm proud of them!

Very few female friends - again applies to what you consider a "friend". I have equal amounts of close female and male friends. But they are close enough friends that I consider them family. Other than that I'm friendly with most people. I like people and people like me- including females; I just wouldn't consider them "friends" cause we don't go out and do things together - except for the ones I consider family.

"Tons of guy friends" - sorry, but I grew up with brothers, on a farm, driving tractors, plowing fields, working on cars, and building things. It has taken me until the past 4yrs to learn to let the feminine side come out and shine. I just naturally was more comfortable with the guys and they all liked me and in spite of little to no make-up they all thought I was attractive. (Actually that helped me start to see the "girl" side).

For the first year in my life, I LOVE LIFE AND LIVING!! It is so wonderful to not struggle with depression the way I did growing up!! To just get out and live life because that's what it's there for!

Yes, looking back, I can see where there would be a lot of red flags to be seen in the past - that's why I usually hooked up with someone who was equally disfunctional and had just as many red flags.

Thankfully that is a part of my past, not my present! I finally learned not to let my feelings come into play before I learned enough about someone to see what I'd be in for! I've been divorced going on 5yrs and stopped dating completely in March of 07. Refused to date again until I graduated college in May of this year. Only dated two guys (one of them was a 1 date deal - the other was a couple of months that should have ended after about the third date). I stopped dating again because I didn't see anything worth dating and just found someone again last week.
Sure he's got a couple of red flags, but he's seeing the same IC and working on his, so he does stand a chance.

So, as anyone can see, there are ALWAYS extenuating circumstances in people's lives. INCLUDING EVERY PERSON HERE! OTHERWISE WE WOULDN'T BE HERE!

NO ONE IS WITHOUT AT LEAST ONE RED FLAG! You just have to find out the whole story and learn to make wise choices according to the story.

I believe full well that I would be a good catch now! Am I "hunting"? NOPE!! Ain't got to have a man to make me who I am anymore! If one works well with me then fine, if not - let it go! I can be happy single! Thank goodness!

Hope things get as much better for everyone here as they have for me!

RMW

Enlightened, Medc,

Ya all know what all those liberal-educated, highly paid, well dressed, property-owning, professional, single and available women who are intrinsically wired to be devoted to a good man would call you two good 'ol boys???????????

Long Distance!

I'm having a knee-jerk reaction to this. Would you care to elaborate? I have gay male friends. They are a lovely couple and have were very supportive to me when I was going through my separation. They are 2 of the most decent people I know.

wow...spectacular. See the depth of whit that a liberal education can get you. Grade school humor.

So, how does one get to Chappaquiddick from the Boston area.

How long do you think it will be before Teddy gets to answer for that one?
Not soon enough.

nope.

I guess you are saying they are far from here, if I understand correctly. That's probably true. I guess out here, most liberal women may be have been to school a lot. (Well educated is, after all, subjective!) They don't make much money, dress like the homeless, don't own much of anything, and have a ton of grad school debt either trying to make it as an artist, social worker, etc.

Many scream, yes scream tolerance, while not tolerating those who may have a different outlook on life than they do. Many say they are tolerant, but make fun of those who have faith, or believe in creation instead of evolution, or give 10% of they money to the church of their choice, etc.

I guess all the liberals with money are on the coasts. Here in the middle of the country, for the most part, the liberals don't have or come from money.

We have a few exceptions. It seems Obama is rather liberal (politically) yet seems to have some money.

But the hard core liberals here, while not begging in the streets, don't seem to own the best properties, run the thriving businesses, etc.

But my point was more about the irony that many liberals want to exclaim how enlightened they are, but then poke fun at those who they deign to be less enlightened. Seems by doing this, they would lose their liberal status by the definition you provided.

But I grew up close enough to Phyllis Schlafly that I wouldn't even need to spend $5 in gas TODAY to visit her home

noooooooooooooooo...it means that they would put significant distance between themselves and the likes of any man who would judge her based on how many gay friends she had. She would rather swim the English channel or other substantial body of water than take a dip in HIS gene pool. Gee... maybe that is why the divorce rate is so low!

Or maybe they don't marry. Leaving the conservatives to do all that sort of thing.

Seems to me, liberal would be anti-marriage. After all, isn't one of the defining characteristics change? If so, staying married to the same person seems to go against that.

On a more serious note, I don't see being open to new things, by itself as a good characteristic. By itself, it's neither good nor bad. Neither is wanting to keep things pretty much the same.

Where it becomes good or bad is when we are talking about a specific item.

Wanting to keep things the same when talking about a subject like slavery is probably bad. Wanting to keep things the same when talking about the best environment for kids to grow up in is one where mom and dad love one another is probably good.

So change or same, by itself is neither good, nor bad. It's when you start looking at what folks want to change, or what they want to keep the same where things get a bit more complicated.

I see conservative, not as against all ideas, but for careful consideration of change, as we often do not know all the consequences for a given change. I see a fiscal conservative as holding on to tried and true means for managing money, such as spending less than you make, avoiding debt, not wasting things or money.

And a cursory examination of this would show that following these "old fashioned" guidelines would also dove-tail into what are considered "progressive" views, such as concern for the planet.

But my head hurts.

I could care less how many gay friends someone has. As long as their gaydar is working, and they pick up on the fact that I'm not gay, my wife is not gay, and while we love them, we believe they are making a poor choice isn't a stumbling block for their supposedly liberal, accepting hearts and minds, then everything will be just fine. Acceptance is not just one way. Just like any relationship, if one person is screaming accept me as I am, while at the same time being critical of the other, it becomes pretty emotionally tiring.

I get this vibe from many in the gay community, accept me for who I am, but an unwillingness to accept others who may have different beliefs than they do about their lifestyle choice. I can accept that someone is gay, why are they unwilling to accept that a rational, loving, caring person can still think their choice is a choice to sin, and poor judgment.

Disagreement is not hate, but many today treat disagreement as if it were hatred. It's not.

Just because I've blocked out LOGO and probably soon E! on the Dish doesn't mean I'm a homophobe. It means I don't want my kids to see and hear the subject matter at this time.

Sorry, I'll end my rant.

Trying to swerve back to humor, why do so many women, so many smart women seem to depend on gay men to design and create their clothes? It's not like these men are going to be attracted to you. They may even be competing with you for men. I've heard so many women say that the best men are gay. So doesn't that put them in the competition camp?

They are not really sisters, and they are not really eligible men. My head is spinning, and I can't get off this ride.