High school sweethearts. Relatively stable marriage for last 5 years, ups and downs as usual with any marriage but we usually worked through them successfully by compromise or an occasional "reset" for lack of a better term. We a have a 2 year old and I thought life was going as planned, as perfect as it can be. My wife is an amazing woman and I love her deeply but somewhere along the line she became very unhappy and I can't get any explanation or resolution to reverse her feelings. She says she's been unhappy for almost a year now and we are temporarily separated for a week now. It has nearly killed me, I try to stay strong to give her the space she desires. We talk at least once a day, but I feel we are doomed because I feel her commitment to helping herself or even us is lacking. We have attended separate counseling(hoping to become joint). She says she loves me but not "in love" with me. I always thought of myself as an opened minded and patient man but her answers to why she feels the way she does is "I don't know" or "I don't know what I want". She swears she is faithful in every way and I believe her, but I see no relief ahead and I don't agree with this separation. I feel the distance between us only leaves space to let other problems in. We can't work on our marriage apart, which she indicates she is not ready to throw in the towel, she just wants space. How do I cope. Is telling her I love her and miss her immensely considered smothering. She truly is my best friend but lately I feel I can be standing in front of her and she can't see me. It seems all the tension started when she started running with single friends. I have given plenty of space before separation for example a weekend trip to Austin(just the girls), a week vacation to Miami(just the girls) all night happy hours that last until 2 to 4 in the morning. My mind is spinning and my heart can't take anymore. I'm not perfect by any means, all I want is the chance to show her I'm the one for her but any attempt to rectify the few things she said has upset her in the past only upsets her more now. She says why now do I want to do these things (ex. clubbing, dance lessons, lavish vacations). I would think the answer is obvious, but I'm scared her reasons are more than me and insecurities and guilt is causing her pain. I can't get her to open, she says she needs more time to decide what she wants. Where do I go from here, I only want to keep my family intact and to make my wife happier than ever before no matter what indignities or loss of pride I must endure, but it seems I have no control. I find myself waiting for her to decide if she wants me or not, our future is in her hands.

People who are having affairs LIE. They always DENY they are doing anything. Spend the money to hire a PI and see what she does for an entire week - or until he gets the evidence that she's having an affair.

Girls' night at a club? Til 2 to 4? With every guy in the building trying to get her drunk so he can do her?

Sorry, but she's having an affair. She's even speaking the fog speak that every single person having an affair says (love you but not in love with you).

Hire a PI.

I have never cheated on DH, but I have said those words, out of frustration. But I have never had an affair. Couldn't it be possible that there are issues that she's not able, or willing to communicate that has her looking for an outlet?

Did she move out or did you? I know she's not telling you what's wrong, but do you have a good idea of what you could have done to meet her needs better?

And the late night partying is not acceptable. Doesn't that bother you? You have a right to feel that way, even if you feel it may push her away, you need to be honest about that. I personally wouldn't like it if my W spent a lot of time with single women, regardless of the time of day. Single people don't understand married life and thus can't relate, but they can pull out your old desires for the single life. JMO.

And yes, you gotta think about an affair. I know you want to trust her, but it could be an EA that she doesn't qualify as an affair, or perhaps she thinks that if she comes back to you, then it can just be forgotten without mentioning. All sorts of excuses.

Sure it's possible. But the OP needs to consider it because if there is an A, no amount of work on the marriage will matter as long as there's another person in the picture. I've been here long enough to see several people swear up and down 'no, never, not MY spouse, no time, no desire', etc., only to find out there was an A.

Nothing really new here. This story is ages old and repeats again and again. Not meaning to be crass, but it appears another woman has been tempted to begin the illusive search for the perfect ***edit***.

Snoop. I mean it. My sons ex started her affair,telling him she and girlfriends were going "clubbing" til 4am. That's when I knew what she was doing but said nothing to my son for a week. Then,I worried she could give him STD's and I talked to him.
When they are vague and "want there space",there is usually someone else in the picture.
Check her computer,cell phone,text messages. As they say,knowledge is power. Don't confront her right away. Build your case,have the records to show her. If you can afford it,hire a PI.