Sorry if this gets a bit lengthy, I am going to try to get all the important details out and still make it short.
I have been married to my WH for alittle over 3 yrs. But we have been together 9yrs off and on, we have 2 kids 8yrs and 1yr. I just found out he was having A since end of June. He says things were not good with us and he was not looking for it but it just happened. He left me and kids 4 times now in the course of 2 months. He leaves for 4 day max and then is back. Until just 5 days ago he had never stopped contact with OW. He says he tried to before but couldnt. OW claims she is in love with him. WH says he doesnt know what he feels for OW but its something he never felt before. Says he is torn cause he loves me and our family and doesnt want to lose what he has but cant seem to get her off him mind and missing her. Finally just a week ago he left for the 4th time and said he was not coming back until he made a decision of what he wanted. OW claims this time she will give him space to work on marriage (heard that line before). after 1 day out of the house he comes back and says he will do anythign to fix marriage. But doesnt want to exactly say he made a decision. He said he would go to MC but when time came wouldnt go. Every other time he came home he would be cold, nasty, angry and distant as if I was the one who cheated. This time he is nice and showing alittle affection, not as much as he used to but alittle. I check the cell phone records everyday and see no contact from OW until yesterday. there was one text he sent to her and then she responded. that was all. then today she text him a couple times and he responded. Nothing like the 150 text a day like before but concerns me that there is contact again. We were planning a vacation yesterday to go away for a nice romantic long weekend just us to focus on us. Then today he is depressed and says its too much of a headache to make it fit our schedule to just save the $$$. I havent confronted him about the recent contact with OW. I figured the first day was just a "I have decided to stay with my wife message" but if so then why today is there more contact. I am not sure how he will react if I question him. It has been, we talk about the A only when he talks or he claims it sets him back and makes him start thinking about her again. What should I do???? I want so badly to fix our marriage. But I cant have him start the A all over again. I feel like calling the OW since she promised me (for the second time) she would stop contact but I know that will start a war with WH. I know I am crazy for listening to WH. I just try to pick my battles. I kindof feel like I am the one that did wrong and really I did nothing. He should be kissing my *** not the other way around. I have been doing plan A as much as I can. It works sometimes and then others he just shuts me out anyway. Any advice? The OW is not married and they dont work together. I dont want to move out of state cause all my family is here and I have a really close family and I need them close by to stay strong. I have exposed his A to my mother (he went nuts) but not his family. He is not very close to them except his father, and I have thought about talking to him since he is a paster but I dont want to start more problems with WH. I want him to stay her and work on us not be mad at me.

bump

lost,

How long have you been doing Plan A?

Frozen,
thanks for the reply, I do have another post titled Losing patience fast.... That gives alittle more detail of what is going on now. But I have been doing Plan A since beginning of August. During that time he has left 3 more times and promised many times to No contact with OW but broken each time. Just yesterday he finally broke it off completely and told her if things didnt work out with Wife he would not come looking for her. So I think he has finally gotten to the point that he sees she is not what he thought she was. But it came because she keeps pushing his buttons in the wrong way. He is the type that likes to deal with his problems on his own and be left alone and he will talk when he is ready, she didnt understand that (cause in 6 weeks time she really didnt get to know much more than his bedside manor) So she kept playing mind games and psycho type things like showing up at his work when he wont answer her calls and he got fed up. Basically with us now, he says he knows that he doesnt want to lose his family but he feels like he lost himself somewhere in all of this and doesnt know what he feels anymore. He says one minute that he wants to separate so he can figure things out in his mind but then he says he is here cause he doesnt want to leave so he confuses me. He says he doesnt want to keep talking about it cause it makes him think negative he just wants to let things happen when they happen. I feel like I need a concrete decision from him that he is going to work hard no matter what it takes to make it work, but he wont give me that. He just says he is here and that should tell me something but he doesnt know what he feels, he feels numb. I am still doing plan A but no affection or anything of the sort cause he asked for his space. So I dont call or text or email, or show any affection at home unless he starts it and then I feel alittle uncomfortable cause I dont know what it means. I try to read every sign from him but one minute he is one way and I think OK this is going to work out and then the next his pulls back and is all screwed up in the head again and questioning if we can ever move forward from all of this. He thinks we will always have this in the back of our minds causing problems.