Hi folks,

I am in a quandry and am hoping that just discussing this with other people will help me clear my mind. I have been dating a lady for over a year. We have grown very close, except when she gets angry with me. Then, things are very tough. When angry she uses a lot of statements that I believe Harley would call "disrespectful judgements". For example, "you don't think I am important", "you are selfish", "you don't care how I feel", etc.

Yes, sometimes I am at fault. I can be thoughtless, insensitive and selfish at times. But, I also can be caring, loving and put my girl-friend first very often.

But, I am more and more thinking I cannot be married to somebody who is like that even if I am in the wrong. As great as things are when we are getting along (and they are GREAT!) the downs are just awful.

I have no other romantic interest in my life and have done nothing to find a new one. Sometimes I think I should just play the field and not even think about a having a another relationship for at least a year. This has been emotionally draining.

Your thoughts?

If you are struggling this much with the relationship, it may not be right. Granted, no one is perfect - and no relationship is perfect. However, if the lows are that bad and if you are tired of her 'put downs', it may be time to move on.

Not having someone in your life is not a crisis.

You already know what you need to do. You don't need us to confirm it.


But thanks for thinking of us...

If your needs are being put to the back burner so her needs can be met, and if she is sucking the life out of you (emotionally draining), I would seriously reconsider this relationship, TRUST ME ON THAT ONE.

You say you often put her first in your life.. does she do the same for you? Is she there for you like you are there for her or is it very one sided? The things she is saying to you I have heard before. Those are very manipulative statements. I think you are seeing some red flags you need to heed.

Is she the one you have mentioned in other posts, something about going to a ball game or something and she was accusing you of checking out other women or something? If it is, you are seeing lots of signs you do not want to ignore.

Only a year into it, if she is not willing to talk about or work on changing some of these negatives, or worse yet, she does not see it as a problem, even after you bring up to her that it is hurtful and disrespectful to you (been there too) than I would consider moving on.

Yes, I think I know what I must do. Writing these messages just helps me focus on it.

Thanks.

Good Luck!!

Ronda

I am always amazed at things shift literally from day to day. We end one day great and the next day there is a problem.

Remember, it takes two to maintain drama, but only one to end it .

AGG

And be careful of someone who ALWAYS need to be put first!