TA - I agree

Ok TA.....maybe you have not thouroughly read this thread.

The children are not benign to what has happened and tully has mentioned this multiple times. Have you missed this...she is not brushing off what has happened to them.

The events of her attack the children were not home for. Tully had to get away before more harm befell her. She went to the police and a doctor and had everything documented. She came BACK and picked up the children.

At no point has any of her posts been poor me or wallowing. They have been incident updates. Tully has been very strong.

As for ireland....tully has the right and made an excellent choice to move. She has a support group including family there that she DOES NOT have in france. She also has the opportunity to have a financially stable future there.

If you thin WH would have allowed her that in france....you are seriously diluted. His goal has been to keep her alienated and trapt from help.

For you to sit here and tell a woman she should have stayed in an abusive situation makes me question your own morals.

I believe you have misunderstood. No one advocates she remain in a dangerous or abusive situation. TA is advocating Tully get herself some tough LEGAL advocates because Tully and her children are in a very precarious situation and they need immediate PROFESSIONAL LEGAL help... it is urgent.

Tully has indeed got PROFESSIONAL legal help and has also enlisted the help of the POLICE.

She has had a solicitor in Ireland AND in France.

She has followed their advice at every turn. The solicitor in France told her she was well within her rights to leave for Ireland WITH the children.

When she returned to France, she immediatley contacted her solicitor and was put off for several days. When she was ATTACKED, she followed the advice of the TRAINED professional and left her home.

When she spoke to her OWN solicitor, she was advised to move back in and she did.

What part of this is Tully wallowing and taking the advice of her "warm, fuzzy" group? In fact, I have never seen a BS who is LESS wallowing than Tully.

As I read it, Tully has sought legal advice at EVERY juncture of her unfortunate journey. AND followed the advice as given to her.

TA, it reads as though you are angry that Tully does not do as you tell her. You have continually repeated that YOU told her she should NOT go to Ireland with her children. Well, she DID go to Ireland.

I do not speak for Tully, but I believe it is time to STOP belabouring the point. She is in France NOW. She has sought and received legal advice and HAS FOLLOWED IT. She is attempting to resolve the issue.

And it is again cruel to basically say that because she had been married for 20 years that she should have seen this coming. Absurd in every way.

Just my .02, but I have the greatest admiration for the way Tully has handled the entire situation. She is certainly less "wallowing" than *I* have been since finding out about MY H's adultery.

Hey, WH2LE, thanks for that. It's nice to feel that someone thinks I'm handling this OK. I hope I am. I know I'm making some mistakes along the way but I hope all will work out OK.

It's been a hectic, busy day full of action. Just to let you know that PIL did leave this morning. I then went to the police station to sort out the appointment with the judicial doctor regarding the assault charge. Then went to see my solicitor and has a good meeting with her. Initially she was against mediation when I spoke to her on the phone but it was mainly because she thought it would be useless with WH in the frame of mind he's in and also because she feared that the 'mediator' might be the same as the guy from SOS PapaL. Once I told her that she wasn't (she was recommended through a very reliable source) she was OK about mediation but she warned not to expect much from it. We have the first appointment tomorrow morning.

She hopes to be able to speed up the process and get the initial court hearing before the end of the month. We'll see. We also talked about getting signed testimony from people around and about 6 people have already agreed. Even the ex teacher of the local school (who moved to another school last summer) got in touch with friends I was staying with to say that she had heard about my situation and was prepared to give me a testimony that I was a good, involved mother. It was a nice phone call to get.

My other sister arrived and will be here for 2 days. It is good to have support. It's very hard to be calm and involved all the time< I hqve to run to bed qs I didn4t leep in coustory qnd if fdj but I knowk that I




pve

Thank GOD they are gone. I truly mean that. Thank GOD!!


Uh....yes Tully, you need some sleep. LOL. Peace and restful dreams to you.

Hey, WH2LE, thanks for that. It's nice to feel that someone thinks I'm handling this OK. I hope I am. I know I'm making some mistakes along the way but I hope all will work out OK.

It's been a hectic, busy day full of action. Just to let you know that PIL did leave this morning. I then went to the police station to sort out the appointment with the judicial doctor regarding the assault charge. Then went to see my solicitor and has a good meeting with her. Initially she was against mediation when I spoke to her on the phone but it was mainly because she thought it would be useless with WH in the frame of mind he's in and also because she feared that the 'mediator' might be the same as the guy from SOS PapaL. Once I told her that she wasn't (she was recommended through a very reliable source) she was OK about mediation but she warned not to expect much from it. We have the first appointment tomorrow morning.

She hopes to be able to speed up the process and get the initial court hearing before the end of the month. We'll see. We also talked about getting signed testimony from people around and about 6 people have already agreed. Even the ex teacher of the local school (who moved to another school last summer) got in touch with friends I was staying with to say that she had heard about my situation and was prepared to give me a testimony that I was a good, involved mother. It was a nice phone call to get.

My other sister arrived and will be here for 2 days. It is good to have support. It's very hard to be calm and uninvolved all the time Ive got to go to bed I didnt sleep last night so Im exhausted, talk tomorrow It was a an OK day overall



Tully

It's a crazy time in your life when an OK day is the best day you had in a long while...

A D is like surgery...takes a while to prepare for it, to figure out the course of action, and hope it resolves the problem...

Yay tully. I am very proud of the strides you made today.

Yes go get some sleep as you need to be well rested for the battle to come.

Tully has been one of the more, if not the most, proactive BWs, I've seen on MB since my arrival. I agree that tully needs to be realistic and rational especially since the stakes are so high. She has been. She has sought LEGAL counsel and isn't depending on warm and fuzzy judges to hope they see things as she does. tully has been given emotional support when she's felt down and out. If that's what you are calling "warm and fuzzy", what's the problem? MB is here for emotional support amongst other things. When it has come to legal matters no one here has been telling her that she will or should be victorious because it's unfair what she has suffered.

In the end, it's up to tully what she is going to do. She's the one living the nightmare firsthand and posting on MB can only communicate so much without writing a dairy every post. If she has made any strategic mistakes...so what? Who hasn't? Give the woman a break. Telling her that she's had 20 yrs to notice WH's messed up mentality...WTH? Who here wasn't rocked to their core that their WS would be capable of doing them such harm. Yeah there might be that we all dismissed but I can't recall a single post where I've read...yeah I just KNEW my WS was so flawed that I should have known he would treat me like dirt down the road. Strangers may see things that other don't but a person is still going to cling to that tiny, tiny notion that the person they loved won't be so cruel. tully is no different that any other BS that has had these thoughts but she has not been wallowing in self pity, looking to MB for hand holding session while singing kumbaya and simply hoping for the best.

tully went to Ireland. It's done. Why beat a dead horse? I agree with you, TA, in that tully needs to consider WH and his family her enemies. There is no room for any nostalgic warm and fuzzies for them. She needs to fight fire with fire and get the best legal defense she can. She needs to look at the worst case scenario that WH and his team can play out and have a rational, thoughtful defense for anything they throw her way.

Perhaps some posters misunderstood me previously when I alluded to trying to attract more bees with honey. I wasn't advocating to go soft on WH and just hope that he feels a twinge of decency for being such a [censored]. I hope tully can use what she knows of WH after 20+ yrs of M, draws him in with some bait, and then crushes his balls when he's put himself in a corner. My plan would be No Mercy.

Good to hear you have an appt tomorrow. I don't care how good any solictor or attorney is...no one has as much invested in the outcome as you. Listen for each and every possible way to turn the tables to your advantage.

Keep us posted. Big ole warm and fuzzies to you.

It's amazing when being trapped a second time under the same roof as a nut-job WH is an improvement, but I gotta say this is a step up.

Let us know about your meeting when you can.

BR you crack me up.

Tully,

Sending thoughts and prayers your way. How did your meeting go?




Mindshare

Pepperband has summarised my post succinctly and accurately.

This situation is way, way beyond MB expertise. I also think it may be beyond the experience of 'ordinary' lawyers.

TA

How did the meeting go?

Concerned in every way about you Tully. Post when you can.

Thank you all so much for your concern. Your advice has helped me so much and I hope to be able to come back here soon.

For the moment, I am OK more or less even if very anxious about certain things. I've been reading up on that organistation I mentioned and they are extremist to an unbelievable level. I am going to refrain from posting for a few days just to avoid having stuff on a public forum but I'll let you know how things go asap.

Our initial divorce hearing will be on the 24th of March (WH's request came through before mine.) So µI'm hoping things will be clearer then.

Big kisses to all of you,

Tully

Big kisses to you too, and take care.