I've been married for 10 years. Have 2 great kids 13 and 9. Here's my problem. I have been off work since January due to 3 ligament replacement surgeries and am unable to work at this time. We have been trying to survive on just his paycheck. We have gotten behind on bills and now are facing foreclosure.
If that weren't enough, my husband recently caught up with an old female friend from high school. They now call and text each other all the time. I confronted him about it and he says that they are just friends. I confronted her about it and she says "that if I was secure in my marriage it wouldn't be a problem'. I told her I could be secure in my marriage if she wasn't calling him at every break and lunch period while she was at work and then calling him at least 3 times a night after she get off work. But supposedly it's MY problem. She called the other day when he was home, and his phone was inside. He didn't answer it so within a 5 minute timespan she called 4 times and texted 3 times to see why he wasn't answering the phone. When I jumped him for the obsessiveness, he said that she claims his phone doesn't always work so she kept calling thinking his phone wasn't registering the calls. I think I trust my husband, but she is like some "fatal attraction" stalker who thinks she needs his undivided attention. I think that might be part of the reason her husband committed suicide last january. Sorry, that wasn't nice, but she makes me MAD. What should I do? I don't know where to go or how to handle any of this. Up till this point, we've been pretty happy. No major blow ups or anything. Always together, now hardly even go to the grocery store together.

HELP!!

You are not overracting. Your H's behavior is unacceptable and could very well lead to a physical affair if not stopped now. He is already having an emotional affair by sharing his feelings with another woman that isn't his wife. Does this woman live near you?

Those two statements are guarantees that the relationship is inappropriate, and they both know it. The odds of it already being a PA are high.

Don't take that crap. Expose her to everyone you can, especially her spouse if she has one.

That would be a big mistake. Marriages don't require trust, they require honesty. He is lying to you.

You need to snoop some more. It is already a EA and is very possibly a PA.

Your WH must end all contact with this OW. His unwillingness to do so even when he knows it hurts you speaks volumes about his intent.

Get the book Surviving an Affair by Harley as soon as possible. Not Just Friends by Shirley Glass would be good too.

That's because he's into another woman now...someone he'd rather be with.

Being with her, even speaking to her, makes his vienna sausage tingle.

Being around the "ball and chain" is a real downer by comparison.

Why would he want to do things with the woman who's the "same old, same old" when he's got a new, exciting little thing on the side?



I'm not trying to be mean, I'm just pointing out what a jerk he's being by treating you that way.

just friends.......2 of the deadliest words to a marriage.

He's in at the very least an EA.

This is other-personese for, "Would you just shut up and let me destroy your marriage already?"

Heard it from the OP myself.

Took the language course on MB.

Oh yeah, she's an exciting young thing all right. 38years old, lives with mommy and daddy, 2 kids 21 ad 19, a grandma, 5ft.2 200 lbs. Not that I'm a supermodel, but I'm not that pathetic. And like I said before, Her husband committed suicide almost 2 years ago. And this isn't the first married one she's been with. She tried to break up another marriage just before she re-found my husband!

underreacting and definately needs to be saved!

I haven't ever seen or heard of an active OW who wasn't a piece of crap.

Yes, that includes my FWW.

My situation was almost identical. Take this verrrry seriously. I was also told I had the problem, they were just friends. This woman is a predator and won't go away easily.
BTW "our" OW was 5' and 220 lbs....go figure. GF

I think things are getting better. There's not as much anger here in the house. But how do I get her to stop calling. I've thought about hiding his phone so she can't get ahold of him. But I'm afraid that will cause more problems here at home. I know this is mean, but I wish someone would just "take care" of her so she'll just go away.

Sounds like our OW too.....short and round.....

Like a beach Ball....

What's up with that???

To be perfectly honest, your H needs to take care of getting rid of her by having NC. There's not much you can do. He needs to establish NC with her and until he does, your marriage is doomed.

Your H need to have NO CONTACT for LIFE with her....

After quickly looking over this thread, it looks like you still haven't come right out and said, "Yeah, my H is having a PA."

Have you accepted that yet?

You shoudn't have to hide his phone. He should get a new number, and give you full access to the phone and phone bills.

HE should file a restraining order against her HIMSELF if she won't quit trying to contact him.

There are many ways to discourage someone from screwing with you. Some are legal, some are less than legal.

Use your noodle. Use the internet.

ANYBODY can be messed with.

There are many ways to discourage someone from screwing with you. Some are legal, some are less than legal.

Use your noodle. Use the internet.

I don't know what to do. Call me naive, but I've never had to be that way

When, IF EVER, does this start to get better? I've never felt so alone in my life. I feel like I'm just here to be the maid and the nanny. My husband WILL NOT give up the phine calls to the OW. He still INSISTS there is nothing going on, JUST FRIENDS. He has been staying home more, but the phone calls won't stop. Thursday night was trick or treat night, so I took the kids around town, and come back to find him on the phone with her. He had talked to her from the time we left till the time we came back. Earlier that day, he talked to her at lunch (he comes home for lunch) and she hung up on him. He busted his butt to call her back, but had to go to the garage to talk to her to find out why. When I went to the garage to confront him, he told me I can get as mad as I want to for him talking to her. I told him I could "deal" with the phone calls, but I couldn't deal with the secrecy. I asked him why he had to go to the garage to talk to her, he didn' have an answer.
What do I do now?!!?

I think you need to do a good Plan A. There is some kind of need that the OW is meeting better than you are. It could be admiration, attention, who knows?

See if you can figure out his top emotional needs and start meeting them.

What time limit do you set for Plan A? My H still won't give up the phone calls. I thought we made a breakthrough yesterday. He was going to get rid of the phone and have NC with OW. He had heasrd that she's been texting 2 other married men. When she called him he said "no more", but she lied her way out of it and said that she wasn't, so NC didn't happen. She called on schedule today at her lunch break from work. He still says they're "just friends". He's staying home more and like I said before, he's got a job right across the street from the house, so I know she's not visiting him.
He just ran into town to get a part for the car, (she's at work, so I don't think he can visit her) and when he left, he actually kissed me good-bye and told me he loved me. That's the first time that's happened for at least a month. Is that a start or am I reading too much into it. I feel like such a retard, but nowadays, I don't know which way is up.
Thank you for listening. Without you guys, I'd be in a mental institution by now.