Queenie,

I'm here and thinking about you. I am so sorry that this is happening to you. Can't they garnish his wages or something to get you the money that you need? How about OS, can he help in some way since he lives with you? What is the trust about? Why is that not an option?

Hi Chai,

We can be here for each other tonight. WH's wages are being garnished, but it took almost 2 months for that to happen and he was 1500.00 in the rear. They will only garnish a certain percentage of his paycheck and I don't know how he is getting paid nowadays as I am not getting the back money or the full amount of what the state said for him to pay.

He isn't paying one dime for OS because the state won't garnish because he is over 18 and graduated. I wonder if it adds up?

OS, helps out where he can. He has always been good with respect to that.

My trust is something that is for my retirement. My cousin told him to give me an accounting and he will see if he can help. I hope so.

How are you? Our girl Smartie's world has been quite interesting, wouldn't you say?

I realized also yesterday that mom mother has been dead 10 years this past Thursday. Ten years, so much has happened. She was with us when we renewed our vows 10 years ago, she died in our house, we took care of her as a family. I miss my mom, dad, grandparents, anyone who is family. :RollieEyes:

This past Tuesday was 17 months from D-day, and for the first time I didn't realize it until afterwards. And yesterday, was 7 months in Plan B. Too many dates of memories.

:crosseyedcrazy:

QUEENIE, I read this.

I guess I don't UNDERSTAND how if you KNOW what you are doing is WRONG for you, why you can't TRY to stop yourself.

I think that you KNOW that you are being self-destructive and are CHOOSING to do so.

That's what you just said.

What am I supposed to do? Beg you out of it?

Sorry. This is a real trigger for me from my past as you may know.

I swear, Mimi, you have some alarm that goes off at your house when I post, especially when it's destructive.

I truly wish I could explain, but I can't. All I can say is I am trying and working on it. I seem to be grieving more and more in many ways, and I just simply don't want to.

I have so many emotions, feelings, going on inside I can't fight all 24 hours a day. I wish I could give up food entirely. Yes of course I know it's destructive, but right now this is a battle bite by bite for me.

I'm not giving up, but I think that me being honest on here might help me and someone else. I can't imagine I am the only one who is a food addict and struggles with food. It's an unhealthy relationship for sure, I'm surrendering as best as I can, but then my instinct to control takes over.

I have no control, and you know my struggles with that, it seems that I am fighting with the last one, food. Stupid, absolutely. When I went to my EAA meeting on Wednesday I realized that I had been saying at meetings I was living in a dry drunk for 15 some odd years. What I realized as I was listening to the others in the room, I was in my food addiction. And my life had become completely unmanageable. I met with my sponsor and this week we are going to start working on the steps.

Please know I'm trying, I'm fighting, I'm just losing it today. Thanks goodness I'll be in bed soon.

Queenie,

I hope that you will get the money soon. Gee, I wonder what your WH is doing with all of his money :RollieEyes: It just doesn't sound good. What is the status of your LSA or D? Not sure where you are in that.

I don't know what is happening with Smartie. I wanted to call her, but have been busy all week. It sounds like I had better give her a call and get the scoop.

Nothing new on my end. I signed the paperwork for support from WH. He is doing so much lying now. Says he didn't know about this, about that, blah blah blah. Claims he didn't know we had a second mortgage on our house. He must be a freaking idiot then, because he wrote a check for it every month during the year that he paid bills. Then he says he didn't know we had a mutual fund that I liquidated to pay some bills. We only had it for 25 years, Duh. And it was part of the tax paperwork that he signed for 25 years. See what I mean by the lying? He is not building any credibility, that's for sure.

My new favorite line is "if you think you know your spouse - divorce them." You sure find out that you didn't really know them after all.

Anyway, he now has a local address and DD says that OP has another BF. I'm just too close to not caring anymore.

DD is another story. Still using. I've gotten to the point where I don't even talk to her. There is nothing I can do for her anymore. The baby is due in Jan, and I have decided that I can't raise a child alone at my age. I'm like you - just managing to scrape by now. The whole thing breaks my heart, but it is what it is.

Hang in there Queenie. I'm here and so are others to help you through. This place has saved me many nights, and it will save you too.

We love you....

I love you Chai,

I'm so sorry that life is hard for you. We really are learning something, I just don't know what. Well that's a lie. We are learning to rely on G-d to keep walking us through. I haven't spent much time alone with him and I find myself not as peaceful as I was.

I would imagine I am legally separated, the court ordered him to pay me money, but he isn't. I don't know if he is in contempt, if he would owe me the money one day or what. I don't have the energy to fight him. Caught between two places.

Do you know how the baby is? I am more worried about the baby than anything else.

As for you WH, he sounds like mine, completely out of touch with reality. I could lie and say I don't understand it, but that would be stupid. I know how you can get to a place to lie to yourself and believe it. It's just hard for us because we are on the receiving end of the crap.

What are you doing tomorrow?

Queenie,

Has your WH filed for a D? It's strange that you aren't sure what is going on. I would think that he would be in contempt if he was ordered to pay but didn't. Don't give up on it Queenie. Reach deep down for the energy to fight this. What you don't get, the crack ho is getting. DO NOT GIVE UP!!!! She deserves none of it, but you are the one who has to prevent her from getting what is rightfully yours. This is your mission starting TOMORROW. Conquer one thing at a time, but this should be your highest priority right now because you need this to survive. You need it to support you and your children. Don't let them down, but just as important, don't let yourself down.

To answer your question about the baby? DD lies so much, I don't know the truth about anything. I'm told that if the baby is born addicted, they will take it immediately. The father's parents said they would help, but they want a paternity test first. The alleged father will not sign the birth cert or give any DNA samples. If he is the father, he doesn't want to be thrown in jail for not giving child support. He's in jail more than out anyway, so he knows that he can't support the child. It's the biggest mess I've ever seen.

I'll be around tomorrow evening. I'm going to a fashion show tomorrow afternoon, but will be back by 6ish. Perhaps we can talk.

Take care of yourself, and get a major attitude adjustment. We are going to join forces and fight this thing. Get the support due you, then we'll work on the food issue. One thing at a time.

Oh Chai,

I don't have the resources to fight him. I have no clue why he hasn't filed for D. Like you, I am in a total dark Plan B so I have no idea what's going on with him.

I'm sure tomorrow I'll find the strength, just not today. I'm tired, overwhelmed and just want to lay down and surrender. I just want the pain to go away and the sadness to be gone. I want to know how it ends, when it ends and if I survive because I'm just plain tired.

I've tried building a new life and the worst possible addiction shows its ugly head for me to tackle. I could use a little prayer right now. I'm losing....

Hi Queenie, hows it going?

I know you prolly feel you can't be fagged with the drama and stuff of chasing your WH up for money, but my friend, its not fair to your kids or you that he gets a nice life and leaves you all in a tight spot. He helped make those kids, he should be helping make their lives better, not spending it on a cheap two bit ***********.

If you think your avioding making him upset or something, well don't. I know you love the H bit, but WH deserves everything thats coming to him.

xox
Lil

I'm in Plan B, there's no contact, there's nothing I can do. He is not following the court, its too early to have him in contempt. My only option is to D him and I'm trying not to.

He's winning. He's happy with his love of life, no kids, no problems, playing sports, happy with no responsibilities, emailing his son and I get the angry children. I live the daily battle of holding the children accountable to living and moving forward.

I'm alone at night and I'm just beaten. I'll be better tomorrow. I just am having one of those nights.

you have mail

okie dokie

Hi Queenie,

Just got caught up...

I see you were having a really hard day yesterday...I am glad some posters were available to keep you company.

How are you today?

Queenie,

I hope you are in a better place today. Please let us know how you are doing. We are here for you....

Hi Luna and Chai,

I didn't sleep well again last night. In fact the nightmares or waking up throughout the night is happening again. I think that plays into my struggles. I'm tired, my body is in pain from the lack of sleep and crappy bed. I was telling someone that I probably have slept well maybe a total of 30 days since he left. I hate sleeping alone. I talk to G-d before and normally when I wake up, but I would love to have someone answer back.

How are you guys doing?

Queenie,

I don't think any of us sleep well after a trauma like this. I also have a bad mattress, but can't think about changing it now. The funny thing is that it is an expensive mattress that I got 5 years ago to help my neck problem, but it only makes it worse. I sleep better in hotels that have the plain old Sertas. Oh well....

This whole ordeal leaves us totally worn out. Queenie, you need to take charge of this thing and get an attitude adjustment. I suspect that you are starting to wallow in self pity. This is not a good thing. I know that this is not easy, but if you surrender to it worse things are going to happen to you.

I think you are at the 6 month mark of Plan B, right? I remember that being the hard part for me too. Reality set in on me right about then, and it was hard to digest it.

Let us help you with a plan to keep moving ahead. You have no choice. What are you going to do if you just give up? Lose your job? Lay in bed all day or lay around the apartment doing nothing? Get evicted with no place to go? Queenie, you have a YS that needs you to help him get through school and become a productive citizen. He deserves that. Don't abandon him like WH abandoned you. Do you want him to feel like you feel now? NO.

If you want to call me, I will be home all evening.

I love you girlfriend....

I'm so proud of you Chai for calling me on my stuff. You're right I am just wallowing in self-pity. Of course I won't abandon my YS like WH. I'm frustrated because WH has the most contact with son and I feel like he just gets to live this life of fantasy.

Ah, me trying to control what everyone is doing instead of letting G-d do what he does best, be himself and lead us each in our own journeys.

I am such a control freak in the scariest of ways. I don't admit it, but it's so obvious. WH needs to come home so he will be happier, WH can't have contact with YS because they he will influence YS, etc. My actions when really looked at honestly make me sick.

What does it say truly, that I'm not trusting G-d. That I think I can do things better or my plans are better than his and that's such a no no for me. My way screwed it up, now it's time to recommit to G-d and let him have his plans, whatever they may be.

Let Go and Let G-d. I need to pray for more willingness in this area as well as my food.

I'm sitting around all day until I have to meet my AA sponsee, then go to a meeting. I haven't been doing that as much and I think I am a little off because of it.

Hey B, I see you are around. If you get this, how is your mom doing. Is there anything I can do to help?

Queenie - I always read your posts. Sometimes I don't post much. Didn't your team do good? Or am I getting that mixed up?