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#2144755 10/19/08 09:53 PM
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 267
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Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 267
Spouse,

I know our home is where my heart is because right now my heart is breaking. I long to drive home to my beautiful wife and amazing children and hug you all. But I can’t come home right now. I was planning on being there, with you and DS and DD and DS through Christmas and all the family celebrations. But after enduring this situation for 20 weeks, especially this week, I am totally spent and exhausted. Emotionally, physically, mentally, in everyway I reached my limit last night. I didn’t expect that or know that would happen or plan any of it. It just snapped in me. I almost had a complete mental and physical breakdown at work today.

You have told me you cannot make up your mind. This is torture for all of us. And I don't blame anyone. We each played our role and chose our actions. I just cannot bear the pain anymore while you are still involved and giving your time and emotional/physical love to someone else. Please understand that I am only doing this to protect myself from more pain, to protect my feelings for you and to give our marriage the best chance for recovery. Like you said this morning: I cannot take this anymore either. The toll on both of us has become too much.

I am not trying to ruin the holiday. I feel terrible that it happened on DS birthday. I am not trying to punish you or make you feel any certain way about me/us. I am not trying to pressure you for anything. I am not trying to burden you. I feel terrible about what is going on but I have to be strong. I need to stop seeing or talking to you under these conditions. Please respect my decision to separate from you in this way. If you choose to come back and work on our marriage, I want to know that you made the decision on your own. When you went to Florida you said you needed space. That is what I need right now.

I deeply regret my ignorance of your needs and my immoral behaviors. I have bowed before God and thanked him for showing me the error in my ways. I apologize for my part in creating the conditions that helped make your affair possible. I believe we can learn from our mistakes and grow from them. We can rebuild our love and become a family again. A great family and marriage! I am willing to avoid the mistakes of my past. You have noticed the changes in me and see that I am trying. I want to continue to grow as a person and as your partner for life.

Remember how if you want a new habit, you must do the new action for at least 30 days before it becomes a habit. With regards to me and my actions, please know that those are so very real and have become habits in me because I have been doing them for 5 months now, meeting your needs and making sure I address your feelings in my every action.

* The way I knew the snow in the driveway would make you feel AND addressing it with you, that was real! Remember you hadn’t even said anything about it. I just knew the way you were feeling about it and I wanted to make you feel better.
* The way you saw something different in me on Tuesday morning.
* The birthday party that I planned, not to win you back but because I know you love dancing.
* Making your coffee, because I know it makes you feel cared for.
* and all the other Acts of Service that you need to make you feel loved.

I did those things for you out of pure love, during the worst emotional storm anyone could withstand. And I did it with no expectations of anything from you.

When you have permanently severed contact with him I will be overjoyed to talk about our future. I have loved you for so long and continue to love you today. I want to be able to rebuild our marriage into a new life where we meet each other's emotional needs. Where our actions and everything we do makes both of us both happy. I want to be your best friend, someone who is always there for you when you need me, through sickness and health, for richer or poorer. I hope you realize how much I love talking with you and how much I miss your affection. I want you to be my best friend, my lover and the wife of my dreams.

Joined: Dec 2007
Posts: 5,860
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A good plan B letter is to the point where the BH does not beg, appear needy, or anything else that makes him to appear weak. He tells that the WW's affair is to painful for him to witness any longer and will go NC. All communication must go through the third party ( person of your choice, best if sibling or close friend ). He then blocks her emails, IM's, uses caller ID, answering machine to screen calls.

The BH then closes with he will be open to direct communication once the WW goes NC with the OM. WW moves back home with her parents. Is willing to live transparent so NC can be verified by the BH.



"WW,

To protect myself from the pain of your affair I am going NC with you.
When you have gone No Contact with OM."



As you can see I found most of your PB letter poorly written. I only found two of your sentences sort of usable. And they had to be heavily edited.

A plan B letter is a business letter. Not a mushy last chance to beg for her to come back, I'm here waiting for you, letter. You tell her three things. Why going NC. What is NC. How WW can end NC. Below is an example.



WW:

I can no longer let you and the OM continue to disrespect me. To remove the pain caused by your affair and to stop you from disrespecting me I am going No Contact with you.

While in NC there will be no form of direct communication. All contact will be through "your third party". He will only inform me as to the nature of your request and what action you are requesting.

I will not accept phone calls, mail, email, IM, or any other form of direct contact while you are in your affair.

I will be open to direct communication once you, WW goes NC with the OM. WW, you move back home with your parents. You are willing to live transparent so NC can be verified by me, BH.





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