I have to say poor B is so deep in the fog her name should be MoonChild. Used you have to work on getting rid of the love buster you are doing and work on what is it you are doing that are contributing to the problems you all her having.
I have to say yesterday my heart was so heavy. I take care of used and B's 9DD before and after school. Yesterday when she came of to go to school. She was so sad. This child very rarely gets upset and for her to look so down I knew she had to feel bad. When she came home from school she bawled for an hour straight. My heart was breaking. I asked her why she was so upset. She said that she wanted Used and B to stop arguing and be like they used to be a long time ago. She said that she barely gets to see both of them and she misses them. She loves both of them. I asked her if she told either of them and she said no she was afraid that she would get in trouble. I told her she shouldn't get in trouble for telling her parents she loves them and wants them to get along. I was so angry I wanted to call B up and tell her what a sorry waste of skin she is for hurting her poor children like this because she is only thinking of her own selfish needs.
I didn't though I did call her and let her know her child was crying for the last past hour. She said really she's crying. I can't believe this would be effecting her so much. I told her she said that she wanted both of them to get along like the used to. B's response was She must have Used and herself confused with someone else. I told her the her DD loves both of them and she said she misses her mom and used because now she is working two jobs and she barely see used. She said yeah she she is upset because used doesn't do anything with them on the weekend, and that she can't believe that DD is so upset she has only been working at her second job for two weeks. I said it doesn't matter how long it has been it is effecting her.
I have to say I don't think the DD9 has ADHD she just doesn't have structure. Since she has been coming over here her behavior and grades have gotten noticeably better. She is a great kid. She is always dancing around and singing and full of life. That's why when I saw how hurt she was I was so angry. All I have to say is me seeing this and the way her cheating is hurting everyone around her, that I am so glad I chose to find a more constructive solution to our problems then go down temptation road. Before you dive into the temptation is a very attractive seductive thing. But then it has to be to make you want it. However you have to realize that the more attractive it looks to you, the worst of you will be if you take the bait.
I think this relationship is not as hopeless as it seems. Maybe that is just me and my optimistic side. Yesterday when her daughter said my mom has done this two times before with her dad and DD12 dad and she doesn't want it to happen again. She said I don't know if it was because of our dads' or because if our mom. I told her I am sorry she is going through all of this but if she ever needs anyone to talk to she can talk to me. I told used that if her keeps making idle threats he is never going to gain his dignity or her respect. He has to start making her see the consequences of her actions. I personally think he should put her out and keep the kids with him. Until she realizes that this time it won't be under her conditions if she leaves unlike the other times, it will force her to understand that it is not a game and all the choices she makes both good and bad are not only affecting her but everyone around her.
It is so sad she how she continues to keep lying to herself. She really wants to believe the kids won't care if she leaves used because they are not close to him that every time she sees that they do really care about him she tries her best to discount their feelings.
Used you can't just sit back and keep being passive. Worrying about how the OM will take you actions. Any action is better then inaction. It is better to make the wrong move then no move at all. The longer you wait to do anything the longer you prolong your pain and the children. I say if you put her out without the kids and she sees how lonely she will be she will see the fantasy she is living in her head for what it is. That is just my two cents.
Hey DIG,
When we passed each other in the subdivision and you were taking DD9 for ice cream, thats why I was so angry. I was out picking up DD2 from daycare when you called me and told me about her crying and being upset. I was trying to call B on the phone to get her to call you and talk to DD9. She would not answer any of her phones. For someone to have 3 phones and not answer ANY of them ESPECIALLY from HER HUSBAND!!! I bet she would jump on it if it was Marty calling. I blew up all of her phones that afternoon and when she finally answered, I screamed at her about answering and told her to call you immediately to talk to DD9. Heres the latest of events. I come home saturday morning, she of course left her cell phone out in the open and of course, I checked it. No Messages from Marty, or anyone else for the matter. What I did find was a brand new cell phone from Verizon on the nightstand. Upon checking this out, I see that this new phone has an 843 area code assigned to it. It seems that Marty has sent her a cell phone. I of course read the texts and found that Martys new assigned name she has created in her new phone is "My Blue Eyes" I read the texts. One of the texts from her to him is: "So , what are we going to do on Friday?" This text was sent the day before she called him last week and supposedly broke things off. So, they had plans to see each other this last weekend also. He did text her the night before (Ignoring my demands several days before to him to cease all contact with my wife) He is trying to get her to give him her and the kids information so he can put them on his medical insurance. I told her in no certain terms that she better not give this man ANY personal information about this family for ANY reason. When we got married and I put them on my medical ins. I had to give them D.O.B.'s and SSN's to add them to my injsurance and that she is NEVER to give out any of that info to him or anyone else. I had a P.I. friend of mine run him. This man has been all over the U.S. He has several judgements against him pending. What I think he has that is attracting her so much is that his records show him to have a current address as of 9/08 in Colorado. B's dream is to be living in CO. I woke her up and confronted her about the phone and "My Blue Eyes" She said that she intended after breaking it off from him the other day to send his phone back to him. Well, after being constantly lied to and all the ups and downs, I finally had it and broke Martys cell phone. Once again, she is trying to be good but we all know that story. I have already told the atty to finish with this paperwork. We are actually awaiting some evidence that we had to send for.
Its funny though DIG, she kept telling me that her kids are not close to me. DD12 isnt even close to HER. DD12 has serious emotional issues and I have never EVER seen her hug or even tell B that she loves her. DD9 is totally opposite, she is very loving, even to me. She is always hugging on me and tells me that she loves me. B once again lied to me a week ago saying that she took the girls aside and told them that her and I would probably not be together any more. She said that DD9 said "Thats ok, I dont feel connected to him anyways" Now, I know DD9 enough to know that those words did not come from her. When you told me the other day that she told you that she loves me, I knew B once again told another lie. Its true that me working 70-80 hrs a week keeps me from a lot of family outings but with a $3300 a month mortgage, car pymt, and other stuff, she would not be able to live like she does. Especially on a cops salry.
As far as the ADHD goes on DD9. She was extensively tested both by the school and by our Pediatrician and was positively diagnosed. I still see symptoms, even though not as bad as she was several years ago. Pediatrician still says she needs to be on meds. Pediatrician kept bugging me over and over about her taking her meds. I finally told her that there was nothing more I can do, I took her to Dr. and bought the meds. I am not home from work yet when kids leave for school, this is when she is supposed to be taking the meds. B is not following through with giving them to her. B has stressed that she does not want her daughter on any kind of medication. Dr. disagrees and I am caught in the middle. I finally told the Dr. to please take it up with B and stress it with her.
