Hi all, my name is Jennifer. I have been married to my husband Tim now for a year in Oct. We just had a son is June. He cheated on me with his ex..

He was married to his ex for 6 years they have 3 kids together. She kicked him out to be with another man she met online. That was around Thanksgiving 2006. We met right before Xmas 2006. We got together he moved in we broke up he stayed, even though we were not together he would do whatever and I just sat there waiting for him thinking it was only due to his divorce. Well he moved out and that is when we really started things. We moved in together again. I got pregnant with our son. His ex called said I want you back so I told him to go stay the night with her and see. He called me in the morning and said he was coming home he thought of me the whole time. We got married few months after that.

I always thought he still loved her. She was always calling and making us fight one way or another. The day I had our son we had his kids and she said she wasn’t going to get them he had to keep them last min she took them. ( She was mad he re-married and had another kid she is tied and can't have anymore when we first got together she offered to pay for him to get clipped but he didn’t).

I had our son in June. He was working and I also have a son from another relationship. So I went to my moms in KY to stay for 2 wks to recover from my C-section with our son. As I was away his ex emailed me on myspace telling me he cheated on me with her. He said NO.

Well long story short.. He did. In our home, when I was gone with our son. (I think that is what makes it hurt more.) Also, it was just one time. That was it, not saying it was ok just saying it wasn’t more then one time.

Its been almost 5 months now and I still can't seem to end my pain. Its harder because I have to deal with her all the time. He changed his number, don’t talk to her as much just about the kids and in front of me. She still tries to get us to fight all the time uses the kids against him.

I still love him but cant understand why he would do this to me. He sticks up for her all the time. Don’t let me have a say in anything about when we have the kids like its suppose to be Fri. at 3 to sun at 6 and she is always changing it and saying well if you don’t then you don’t get them and the whole child support thing is so messed up. I hate that woman with a passion wish she were gone forever.

He still don’t understand how bad I hurt. He don’t get it was worse with her then it would of been with some random woman we never had to see again. He thinks I should just get over it and be okay. He is mad I don’t trust him at all anymore.

I love him so much and yet cant stand him. The sex is kind of off track ever since I found out. Sometimes I just want him gone then I think and don’t want him to leave. I want to get past this.

What do I do?
How can I make it work?
What is a good way we can work on this?

Any help PLEASE!!!

Thank you,
Jennifer

Wow, what a totally sucky situation.

Around here they say that part of recovery is no contact with the affair partner ever, for the rest of your life.

Would your H agree to not contact XW ever again, forever? And to block and/or ignore any contact attempts made by her?

Are you capable of arranging visitation with XW and handling the exchange? Of being the one she contacts when one of the kids breaks an arm or gets in trouble at school?

I'm not sure how you're going to handle things like concerts, school plays, sporting events... maybe that he only goes with you and never alone.

This is going to take some real creativity and dedication from both of you.

As I am going into plan B with a WW set firmly on plan D, this is something I've thought about a lot. My WW and I have two young kids - no matter what, we are going to be co parents for a very long time into the future.

While we both will move on to future relationships, we both still share the deepest love for our children. That connection to me would make anyone vulnerable to an affair with their Ex. As for no contact ever with an ex, I'm not sure how that would be possible because of what is shared from the past.

This time line is confusing.

Was he divorced when you first dated him?
Were you pregnant before you were married?
Were you pregnant before he divorced?

Sorry - your story is complicated.

This time line is confusing.

Was he divorced when you first dated him?
Were you pregnant before you were married?
Were you pregnant before he divorced?

Sorry - your story is complicated.


Was he divorced when you first dated him?
No. He moved out in Nov 06 we met Dec 06 but only dated until Aug 07. The divorce was done in March 07.

Were you pregnant before you were married?
Yeah. I was 2 months when we got married

Were you pregnant before he divorced?
No