Well I'm back
We have been in full recovery since August 07 and were doing well, getting along and having fun. We had restored the love. The MB principles had worked.
3-4 weeks ago, I found out OM had been ringing WW again and they had met for coffee. She kept saying she would tell him not to contact her again but I kept finding out she was lying. Every time I found out she had lied again we would argue, she would justify it by saying they are just friends and there is nothing going on. I gave her the ultimatum to end all contact once and for all or get out. While all this was still going on we were both still very much in love and having fun together but there were obviously arguments.
I was out on Saturday, came home and she had left, she has moved in with OM, although in his spare room, which I do know to be true, although not sure how much difference it makes.
She says she is still in love with me, but could see every time I found out she had contact, the hurt in my eyes and she knew she would contact OM again and so left.
She is adamant she is not coming back because she would hurt me again and she is happy now because she is away from the intensity of the situation she had created.
The reason she gave for being at OM's is that she had nowhere else to go as a permanent base and did not want to live out of a suitcase.
I am still in our home with DD, I have asked WW what kind of message does this give to a 13 year old DD.
I have done full exposure to everyone I can think of, WW will not speak to anyone other than me at the moment.

So that is where we are at, not sure how to proceed, part of me says forget her and move to Plan D but we were doing fine, she says there was still something missing but that is her rewriting history. We had discussed things on a few occassions and both had said that we were happpy again and she had agreed that SAA was right about everything.

So I was going to go straight to Plan B but I have a few things to sort out and I want to give her a little while to come to her senses and also give DD a decent Christmas.
So I aim to do a stella plan A until Christmas and then straight after that go to a really dark Plan B.
Would like peoples opinions on this, I will also speak to the Harleys when I get paid

So very sorry to hear this Brae.

Your W even had me fooled there for a while....

I have to say that a totally black plan B is the right step for you now.

That or the nastiest divorce you can find. Plan A won't work as you have been MBing for many months now.

Sorry again. Be strong, and move to a dignified and BLACK plan B right now.It will protect your heart AND if your M is saveable it will help save it.

All blessings.

an exceptionally dark Plan B with an eye towards Plan D. Since she has abandoned your daughter, speak to a lawyer immediately/

Do NOT allow her to take your child out of the house for ANY reason.

You really need to speak to a father's rights lawyer and quick before your daughter is also residing in the enemy camp.

Thanks Guys,

I have started to work towards Plan B, but have some things to sort first.

Bob,
Things were going great until this worm crawled out of the woodwork. I had seen the MB principles work. I guess this is a risk when the A doesn't die a natural death.

How would you handle Christmas in Plan B. I have already told her I will never let DD go to that house but do not want DD to suffer

PLEASE speak to a lawyer before your daughter is living in the enemy camp...or the enemy is occupying YOUR home.

MEDC,

Thanks, I will but OM has his own home that he has not had for too long

MB worked once for you and your WW and it can again. Yes the holidays are approaching but with that said start to secure everything around you and DD.

This is not your doing. This is her doing. She even admitted that MB worked and was/is very happy. She is using her past A as if its something 'she' couldnt get over. Meaning she holds that. That has probally made her flee once OM came back out of the dirt. She sees the pain yet she wont stop her contact with OM. If she really sees your pain she should do everything in her power to be at home with you.

IF MB had worked for this couple, she would NOT be living with the OM.

Divorce is the best option now as this man and his daughter cannot be assured that she wouldn't do this yet again....16 months down the road.

And bet the house that she is sleeping with him again.

I do not argue on the fact that she did it yet again and yet with the same OM that yes I see plan D more fit.

I would agree that I am pretty sure she is again sleeping with OM.

And for all safety reasons yes seek a lawyer. Yes go to plan B lead towards plan D or jump right to plan D. I wouldnt wait till the holidays are over. Yes a hard time of the year indeed but I would put my foot down and move ahead NOW.

Once I have sorted a few things out I will go straight to Plan B, but any suggestions how to handle Christmas so as DD does not suffer

I don't think you can spare your DD from the hurt of her mother's actions. She's old enough to be told and to understand exactly what's going on. She probably already knows anyway. If you explain to her what you're doing and why, it may be a relief for her.

I'm so sorry you're back and in this situation.

Braeworth your daughter WILL suffer - your wife has chosen that.

Do you want to play happy families and let her go visit mommy and her boyfriend ?

Fact is: Mommy chose to spend Christmas with somebody else, but that is not your DDs fault at all. Tell her this.

My heart breaks for your DD, but Christmas living like your WW will for the rest of her life might just be a wake up call to your WW.

You absolutely HAVE to find your bollocks right away this time mate. Grasp the initiative.

Thanks Bob,

I understand what you are saying, I was initially going to let WW come and open presents on Christmas morning, but that is plan B. There is no way DD is ever going to this other house.
I have started preparing for Plan B and have done an exposure of epic proportions so far.
Just sat here now, wondering whether I have got the stomach for all this or to file for D on the grounds of adultery and get her out of my life as quickly as possible. The thing that really hurts, is that we were doing really really well until OM reappeared. As I said earlier, I suppose this is always a risk if the affair was stopped rather than died

IMO more likely you saw and experienced an expert gas-lighter at work.

If she truly was "in-love" with you, it's hardly likely that she would continue to communicate with and see the OM on the sly, much less move into his home.

1st off, I am so verry sorry this has happened to you and your DD.

100% guaronteed with a 90% chance she was before she left.

Whats to sort out? Stop all communications TODAY!! 3rd party contact only!! Find/see a lawyer to secure custody TODAY!! Lock her out of your home TODAY!!

Do no delay, act Today!!

Dont warn her, dont tell anybody, just do it. You can even start it before you write or give her a PBL.


Give her the best christmas you can, spend as much time with her as you can. Be the best father that you can bee.

Your wife abandoned you and your DD, you have abandoned no one.

braeworth, I'm sorry that you're back here. I am back here too, after my H's very recent EA. First EA/PA was back in 1999. It stinks to be back here, but at the same time, comforting to know that there are other MBr's out here supporting us.

Since your WW moved out with OM, it appears that she never got over him to begin with. I sense that even after DDay, she has been in some type of contact with him, even if she claims there wasn't any. If she wasn't in any type of contact, why would she so immediately and willingly move out of your house to live with him?

I am sorry for the pain that you & your D will have to endure. Realize that your WW chose to do this to her D. All you can do for your D, is to be there for her, support her, and let her know that you will never abandon her (as her mother did).

Unfortunately, with your WW out of the house, it's time for Plan B. You'll have to change the locks, get the lawyer to protect yourself & your D. Speak to Dr. H, get IC and keep posting here for the support that you will need.

...or your WW is a good actress. I don't know the specifics of your story but you sound more in the fog than your WW at the moment. If WW was so "in love" and happy than she wouldn't have left. She may have felt momentarily weak but instead of asking you for help she moves in with OM?

Call an attorney ASAP and cut your WW off financially. Make Thanksgiving and Christmas the best you can by showing your DD what a "real" family looks like. Don't invite WW or buy her any gifts. At least DD will know she has one parent she can count on.

Yes, you have to be a great father, one that does not let a wayward steam roll him. Be an example for your daughter that a marriage does not work like this. Her Christmas will not be ideal, but she will handle it better if the truth is out. You don't want to give her examples of lying and sneaking around as ok. you don't want to give her the idea that an affair is ok. change your locks and file for divorce (you do not actually have to go through with it but it may be the 'brick' upside your wife's head she needs to knock her back to reality).

Such nonsense. If you believe any OM/OW/OP has anything to do with the state of your marriage, your M is doomed

Hope for Couples in Crisis

Braeworth,
Agree about contacting a lawyer.

Regarding the holidays and your DD:

What are the normal traditions that your family has followed? What is the normal schedule of events? Do you visit extended family or friends during the holiday? Are there specific meals or foods that you normally prepare? Are there games or activities that you normally play? Try to follow the normal routine as much as you can while keeping in Plan B with WW.