Ok. this is my first post on a site like this. I've read this for a long time when things were rough with my H and I. Here's the long and short of it. We've been together 10 years, second marriage for both. Both had been divorced and apart from our marriages for two years when we met. Two kids each. When we met, I fell completely head over heels - it was the love of my life and I knew it. I was insecure in the relationship, maybe because my childhood was really unstable, maybe because I felt it wasn't the same for him. But he said with words that I was the one he wanted to spend his life with. It's just that his actions, and sometimes insensitivity said otherwise. The early years were wonderful. His ex was very much trying to destroy anything good we had. In the beginning, I was feeling like I won the lottery being able to come home to him everyday. We both were successful in our careers, and he supported me emotionally in my pursuit of a Masters degree.

As the years went by, and our children got older and entered their teens, it got harder for us. We ended up having camps - me and my kids, him and his kids, it was so hard to work through all the logistics of both families and feeling like he put me after everything else - his kids, his sports, his friends. I often wondered if I was just insecure and clingy. Now, I am not an unattractive person, but this man had a way of making me feel insecure in the relationship. I don't know what it was.

Two years ago, things got really bad - his ex moved a distance away, and his didn't have his kids hardly at all. Our busy household with four kids became more quiet, and he seemed to resent the presence of my kids. He and my son became very combative as my son hit his late teens and the rebelious years. I was always torn in two - physically destroyed by his emotional abandonment whenever he had to deal with any rebellion from my son.

Last year, I got very sick from the stress. I had gotten a very good promotion at work that was going to mean a lot to our financial future. My son was really rebelling, and ran away for a week. During all of this I was still torn between my husband and my son. A few months later my son went to live with his father. After a few months, I went into a clinical depression, and on doctors orders was off work for five months. He was moderately supportive, but after a while made it clear that "there was nothing here for him". He said he loved me, and that was why he stayed. Even though he stayed, when my son came back, the fighting was constant. The testosterone in our house was always flowing and I was always taking the brunt of it. We halfheartedly tried counselling, but our emotions were running high. On top of that, I was insecure about him - he is very attractive and women seem to flock to him.

After I returned to work, I felt like I had come out of a horrible place - like I was fighting for my life. The depressions was so severe when I was sick, I didn't think I'd even survive it. Then I started to get stronger, and resented the fact that he , as an adult, was making me feel that I had to choose between him and my children. Typical of blended family problems, from what I've learned from others in the same situation. We decided to separate physically - I would buy the house, he would move. But we would stay in the relationship until I could try to get my son back on track. He has since been diagnosed bipolar, which is a whole dilemma unto itself.

The process of leaving was hard for both of us. I was not very strong yet, and couldn't deal with it. I didn't help him pack and was hurtful with my words - which I now know was my way of trying to get him to fight for us, to show I meant something in some dramatic way.

The first month he moved out, he tried a few times to tell me he would change his behaviour, that I was the only one for him. I responded that I needed time. We spoke a few times, and met a few times, and I was angry that I had been torn between my son and him. We had promised eachother that we would tell eachother if we were seeing anyone else. I was feeling very uncomfortable, I just felt something was off, but put it off to my own insecurities.

Two weeks ago, I realized that what I wanted more than anything was to make it work. I was feeling stronger, and realized all the good things in my life that were because of his love. I called him, and we met and I went to his new house in another city. We went to bed, and he reassured me that he hadn't even looked at another woman.

Afterward, he pulled away from me. Wanted us to go out to eat, didn't want to drive together, said we had to talk about where this was going. It was very cold, and distant. After my emotional pleading, he finally admitted he had met someone a month earlier and had exchanged phone numbers, but no contact. Then after more pressure, he admitted they had talked on the phone, but no contact. Then he admitted they had met a few times for coffee. Then he admitted they had slept together. And that on that particular night, she usually came by. I insisted on going into his house, and there was a phone message from her, calling him "Babe, and asking when he would be there for dinner."

I almost lost my mind. I had never even considered letting someone else close to me. I am living in our home, surrounded by the remnants of our life together. I thought it would take longer than a month before he ended up in another woman's bed. I can't get over the pain of that, and it's killing me.

I am trying to be patient. He says he has ended it with her, but that it was good to talk to her, she had no kids and was free to do whatever they wanted to do together. He said it was nothing - that he didn't love her, he just "screwed" her - no emotional attachment, just was alone and needed someone.

We had some heartwrenching conversations, and he cried, which he never did before. He said how he loved me so much, and hated me for making him believe I didn't love him. He says he wants to make it work, but I feel like I'm grovelling now. He fits me into his life in between all the other things he's doing, and is often not at home. She lives just down the street from his house, I am an hour away.

He seems unwilling to have me come to his house. He says it's because it is his safe place, where he made sanctuary after he thought I didn't love him. I think it's because he doesn't want her to see my car there. We met today for dinner, and he was distant, but affectionate. He says he feels he can't talk to me, because I'm suspicious of everything he says. He says it will take him a while to trust me - but HE was the one who let someone else in. He was close enough for her to call him "Babe". That to me is a level of intimacy that speaks of more than cheap sex.

This is killing me. I find myself obsessing about if he is with her when he isn't home, or when he doesn't answer late at night. He tells me he has filled his life, and he likes it now. He is busy with houses he is renting out, and sports and I have to understand.

I feel when we are together that he is assessing me, considering me from a different angle, like he is seeing things he doesn't like now, although he will absolutely not admit it. When we left today, he said he was tired and going straight home. I called three hours later, and he isn't there. You can imagine what my mind is doing.

Help?!?!?!?!?!?!?