I thought it might help others to hear some someone else's story.

AUG 1996: MARRIED
I was a single mom that hadn't dated in years. WH moved back to live with his parents in my home town after his first marriage ended in divorce. I was led to believe that his ex was the one that cheated and was a horrible woman. Looking back I realize that I was a rebound and I should have seen many red flags. But I was in love. He insisted on adopting my daughter (7), and I treated his two sons (6 & 10) like my own when they visited. (Even when oldest moved in with us for his last two years of high school and youngest got in trouble with the law.)

JULY 1997: MOVED TO THE BIG CITY
He got a football coaching job so me and dd left everything we knew in support of him. My salary quickly elapsed his but I still came to every game and took care of most of the household chores. He insisted that DD attend the private school where he coached.

JAN 2003: WH'S FATHER DIED
A wrongful death suit was filed against the hospital. His father had ruled the family and with him gone SIL (WH's sister)took over ordering everyone around.

DEC 2004: AFFAIR STARTED
I had mentioned to WH that we had some problems we needed to work on, especially since the kids were getting older and we would soon be empty nesters. I also mentioned that while I liked some pictures of his father, our house was starting to look like a shrine (yes, bad wording). I was still madly in love and thought our marriage was otherwise good. He pouted when my daughter and I went to visit my 94 year old grandmother instead of going to a roller coaster park with his family. I later learned that he went home with SIL's best friend after leaving the park.

MAY 2005: DDAY
As usual, I had worked a lot of overtime in the spring. When overtime ended, I realized something was wrong and I about had a nervous breakdown trying to figure out what. One afternoon I went to pay for dd's prom dress and my debit card came back declined. WH had not deposited his last two paychecks. WH admitted his A after being confronted and I begged him to stay. WH promised to go to counceling and have no more contact with OW. I talked to OW and I felt sorry for her. OW was led to believe that our marriage was over and that I was horrible to WH. WH convinced me that I was verbally abusive and I promised to change. We did have a parent/child relationship, but I now realize that he was just shifting blame.

JUNE 2005: BOUGHT WH A HOT TUB
SIL called and said that I was being selfish and WH would leave me if I didn't buy it for his birthday. I was determined to do anything to save my marriage.

DEC 2005: KICKED WH OUT
WH had just turned down a six figure settlement on his father's wrongful death suit in hopes for more money. I had suggested we put any proceeds aside for the children's education after paying off some bills. Counciling went well for awhile but then I started to catch WH in lies. I finally confronted him about one lie. He said that he had not talked to his mother when I saw phone calls to her cell almost every day. I knew he had previously told his mother and sister a lot of things to make me look bad and thought it had something to do with that. I now realize that his mother probably gave her cell phone to the OW. When SIL called and he remarked that I was acting nuts, I told him to leave. As he was packing his stuff, dd called and said that she had found two letters that he had recently written to OW (SIL's best friend). One letter mentioned that he stayed to keep from being fired from his private school until after he was able to coach and win the state football championship. Most of the letters harped on how dd was weird because she studdied and worked so hard. About a week later, oldest SS spent 5 minutes getting some stuff from his room, and told me he loved me as he pratically ran in and out the door on his way to WH's from college. SS's weren't allowed to come by and get their presents at Christmas.

JAN 2006: WH FILED FOR D
I put my grocery money in SS's bank account to cover a overdraft notice. When I called to tell SS (step-son), he hung up as soon as he realized it was me. It was at that moment that I realized that I will never see my step-sons again. I went to WH's school, and lost it. It took two men to physically pull me off of him. (WH is 6'4" 300lbs and I was about 5'4" 120lbs at the time.) I was banned from the school property for the rest of the school year, and WH finally got around to filing for a D. I am normally a very quiet and timid person, but in that moment I scared myself. I'm not justifing my actions, but a person will sometimes do crazy things when faced with losing what they love. I lost everything: my husband, 2 of my children, my life and identy as a coach's wife, my friends (most through WH), etc.

MAR 2007: D FINAL
It was finally over. WH refused almost all contact from the time he moved out and refused to help with bills. However, SIL would call and harrass. They wanted me to have everything: all the bills that is. I had to rent a room to a girlfriend just to make ends meet. I ended up with a better deal than what I offered a year before.

APRIL-MAY 2007 - WH MARRIED OW
JUNE 2007 - OW HAD BABY
NOV 2007 - HOUSE BOUGHT IN OW'S NAME
DEC 2007 - SIL ADOPTED WH'S & OW'S BABY ???I don't know???

TODAY - I'M VERY HAPPY
DD is in her second year at West Point (I guess the hard work paid off) and has changed her last name to my maiden name. She even has a boyfriend. (Yeah! She's not a man hater.) I kept my married name but that may change soon. I have a wonderful boyfriend and we are talking about getting married. We are equal partners. However, He knows and likes the fact that I can take care of myself and don't need him to be happy. He is an addition to my happiness. (It's still nice when he opens doors.)I still have a few bills to pay off, but I don't have to worry about buying groceries any more. I still wish I could see my stepsons but have to settle for hearing that they are ok once or twice a year (oldest occasionally says hi to dd on facebook).

WH? I pity him. I think he is unemployed again and has spent all of the money he got in the wrongful death suit that settled soon after our divorce was final. I almost feel sorry for the OW. She was already a grandmother and now has a baby to take care of as well as a husband that wants to just coach and be waited on. She can't do anything to upset SIL or her child can be taken away.

I now have a wonderful life. It's just a different life. So why have I written all of this? Divorce, like any trama, changes you. It forces you to face all of your worst faults. It scars you and leaves you a different person. I like to think that I'm a better person. Still, I don't recomend it to anyone. It's hard work to save a troubled marriage, but it's not as bad as a divorce.