Hi Blindsided--<P>Hope that URL helps some men out there. I know the man I had an affair with earlier this year could have used it before our affair.<P>He hurt me so very badly...I am still reeling from this affair on so many different levels. <P>Oddly enough, I never considered that he was having a midlife crisis during the whole situation.<P>It's a long story, but I'll share anyway.<P>He is 49 and lives about 500 miles away. I am 37. We are both married. He for 19 years (his second marriage), me for 13 years (my first marriage. We both each have two children, exact same ages though different sexes.<P>We met on the internet on a supportive listserv for people suffering with neurobiological disorders. It was a public list...he joined, unknowingly, shortly after I did. At first we took no notice of each other, since there are literally dozens of extremely active people on that particular list. Then one day, he responded to something I had written and "the magic" began -- by magic I mean a connection. The connection grew and grew. Neither of us could anticipate where this would lead.<P>He said he had never been unfaithful. I certainly had never been unfaithful. Could never ever conceive of such a thing.<P>Our correspondence continued for months until one day we talked on the phone. Then again, then again...all the while still emailing back and forth.<P>I agree to fly down to meet him one day -- feeling sure (naive?) nothing would happen. He met me at a hotel room where we thought it would be safest -- this was close to his hometown and he didn't want anyone seeing us together.<P>We made love. It was incredible.<P>He found a new job that took him out of town for the entire week because it was far from home. I went to be with him on two occasions, for three days at a time. Again, it was magic.<P>Then, he wanted out! The affair made him realize that he still loved his wife and wanted to keep his family intact.<P>I was sincerely happy for him. I wanted only what was best for him because I loved him, I believe I still do.<P>But for me, it's been extremely difficult getting over him. The affair literally turned my life upsidedown. In many ways, it ushered in positive things for me -- too long to explain in this post -- but most of all, I miss him. Miss the friendship that sparked the whole damned affair anyway. <P>If I could turn back time, I would. The affair cost me the best friend I ever had in the world. Nothing is worth that pain. Nothing.<P>I tried to back off -- that too was extremely difficult. I guess I'm a glutton for punishment. Careful not to jeopardize his marriage -- they are currently in counselling though from what I understand he had not disclosed the affair, neither have I -- I attempted to make contact...He rejected me time and time again. (I know that is for the best but the pain is so deep!) Very recently (the affair ended in June, contact in July) I emailed him and he even went so far as to do something to reject my emails automatically. Again, for the best I know. <P>All I ever wanted to do was extend a hand in friendship, but I know too, I was deluding myself.<P>I will never do this again. Nothing is worth the pain I have endured in losing this very special friendship.<P><P>------------------<BR>Take good care, Francis<BR>
