I have been away due to resting from physical pain, staring new job and last night I found out my mother has osteoperosis and it is getting worse. Her medication she has been on for a year has not been doing any good. She will now have to see an endocrinologist to have test done. Seems it is always something.<P>I have been being very good to my H dispite how he has treated me. While I was lying in agony for a whole day and night he was down stairs watching is video tapes. Instead of helping to comfort me he was taking care of himself if you know what I mean. I am I wrong to consider this an extreme selfish act while your partner in life is in such physical and emotional pain? I did explain to him that this upset me and didn't help me any to work through this whole thing of betrayal. He said he could understand how this would cause me to feel the way I do, but never did he say I will try to stop this kind of behavior. I know Soulless ex'H has given me much advice on this subject but I still think it is not normal for a man to spend all his spare time immersed in such activity when there is so much to be working on in this marriage. Especially when he knows I am dealing with insecurity, no trust and low self esteem. And for the past couple of days he has been acting strange, distant. He has not been sleeping too well again. I can't help but get that feeling that something is still going on in his head and he won't tell me. He did say again that he just wants to sweep everything under a rug and forget it. Well that lump under the rug keeps getting bigger and I'm tired of tripping over it.<P>However, I despite my insecure feelings I have been very loving and sweet to him. I put on a happy face and show him much love and concern. Even after we went to church(He didn't want to but did)he spent the entire time watching a young woman in front of us and was enjoying what he was looking at instead of paying attention to the sermon which by the way dealt with the struggle between good and evil. This upset me but I maintained myself with anger, inside I was so hurt and wanted to explode. But, I played the good wife and tried to work through this myself and prayed much. Sometimes I feel I am fighting Satan himself for my H. Like there is this huge struggle going on, me on one side and the demons on the other. And my H in between leaning toward the darkness. <P>I am also getting phone calls where I answer and the other person hangs up. The calls don't register on the I.D. caller either. I am dealing with it. Trying not to let it consume me. I have research to do on my mother's problem so I can find info. for her.<BR>So this will keep me busy. I'll be checking in soon on everyone here and saying many prayers for all of us. <P>Take care and God Bless us all.

Hey, d2 -- You said the calls don't register on the caller ID. Do they show as "unavailable" or "out of area" -- or -- "anonymous" or "private"??<P>If it's one of the last two, your phone company probably has a star '*' code that you can use to block those types of calls from even ringing...<P>Just my two cents...<P>--DeWayne--

Dev2,<P>Good to hear form you...I haven't gotten an e-mail in awhile and I was wondering. Are you recuperating form something??? I am sorry, maybe I missed something when I was away. Whatever it is, I do hope you arre feeling better now. <P>Bad news about your Mom. She will have to be extra careful about falls. Don't know what the treatment is though, and maybe there is something to stop the further loss of calcium to prevent this from getting worse.<P>Well, your H isn't helping things at all, is he? One bright spot here..at least he did go tot church even though he didn't want to. That in itself is a baby step, because he honored your feelings by going, since this was not his desire. Maybe he didn't act right after he got there, but hey...he was there and you don't know how much of that sermon was really heard even though he was "acting out" in church.<P>Sounds like you are doing pretty well with controlling your anger and resntments, despite all his crap. Keep up the good work...look for little tiny signs with your H as I think that is all he is capabale of giving.<P>Prayers and hugs....feel better soon!!!!!<P>{{{{{{{{{{{{{dev2}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>Roll Me Away<P><P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>