Man I am so down today. Seriously bumming. I'm barely keeping it together.<P>Yesterday my wife and I went to councelling and it didn't go well at all and I feel doubly hopeless because of it. And I was going to go out with a (male) friend and see a rock band last night but he couldn't go. And today I found out the OW is moving on with her life and very happy with her fiance again and I was barely a blip.<P>Oh, everything is combining together and I feel overwhelmed. I just feel like a sack of sh*t today. Tears are blurring my eyes as I type this. I feel no hope at all.<P>--airheart

I just brought an old post to the top that you might want to read...I'm feeling especially down today as well, must be something in the air!

By the way...the post is called "Affair or True Love?"

Airheart-<P>I seriously know how you feel. When my H and I go to counseling, I do all the talking, sharing what needs I have, asking the questions, etc. while he just sits there, with his arms folded and says nothing. I know how down I've felt ever since he fessed up his affair 3 months ago. I don't find anything getting better. In fact, I just think we are becoming more distant than we ever have been. How long do we hold on to hope? Are we just wishfully thinking?

airheart,<P>I have followed your posts and want you to know that I am thinking about you. Some days seem hopeless, but from past experience you KNOW that things don't stay that way. Please don't begrudge the apparent happiness that your OW is finding. She deserves to find hers as well as you do yours. Of course you were not merely a blip. You are part of who she is now. I have found that sometimes a counseling session doesn't work well because of something the counselor said or did. Don't necessarily blame it on problems between you and your W. Keep reminding yourself how nice it is to live without the guilt and deception of the affair. Be strong and well.

Airheart,<P>Counseling really taps into the emotions. I think it physically exhausts us - and crying is good therapy for emotions. It releases certain chemicals in the body that are sort of a pain killer.<P>I am happy OW has moved on with her life, and that your relationship was no more than a blip. This is "damage control" of sorts!<P>These ups and downs are hard, but part of the process. It will get better - and each downer period will become less intense. You are a very very helpful person to many here. Thank you for all your input.<P>God Bless.

@#$% this roller coaster ... I know the ride well ... in fact I'm still strapped in a seat just a little bit in front of you .... see me? I'm the one with the death grip on the bar and that look of terror on my face!<P>I'm sorry, Airheart ... I know how you're feeling. I've cried at my computer many times ... and I expect to cry more.<P>But I'm proof that it WILL get easier. There are many on this board that have talked me down off the ledge more than once. They have screamed in ALL CAPS at me, telling me to hang on.<P>Just remember, you've chosen to make your marriage work. You have picked the right path. Yeah, it's a rocky path, but the end will bring much satisfaction! The road with the OW would have been very very rough. You can't see it now, I know I couldn't either.<P>Just focus on what you're doing right. And post your little brains out on this board!

Thanks everyone for your support. Just the fact that you guys are understanding helps to lessen the pain somewhat.<P>I had to pull it together relatively quickly after I posted, cuz I had a meeting like 15 minutes later. In fact the person I was meeting with walked in to my cube as I was wiping tears from my eyes. Kinda funny in a sad way.<P>--airheart

...maybe it is just that kind of day today!<BR>I am leaving for my vacation tomorrow...the one that she and I were supposed to go on together...something we have done together every year for the last 5 years.<BR>I am going by myself (with other couples/friends). Hardest part is sitting here now thinking about how it will go for the next few days without her.<BR>'Tis going to be a big party...fun for all, lots of drinking, etc.<BR>What makes it even harder...but I know for the best...is that I have recently decided to stay clean for a while...no drinking for me. I was by no means an alcoholic, in fact drank MUCH less than she did, but I know how a few beers make me think and feel. I don't want to feel that way!<BR>I also know how you feel about the tears and co-workers or other people. I was "caught" the other day after talking to her on the phone. The person was understanding as he knew that I just "lost" my wife.<P>harley<P>"You do not greet death, you punch him in the throat repeatedly until he drags you away." -Dennis Leary<BR><p>[This message has been edited by harley (edited August 18, 1999).]

Hi airheart. Thanks for your post to mine "delusion?" . Its interesting to talk to someone in the same situation, but from the other side. Please see my reply to you in "delusion?". My husband has become intensely depressed over the last 6 months, and is now only starting to come out of it, because he has finally made a decision about where he wants his life to go. He has cried a lot, we both have. Have you really thought about where you want your life to go, or are you just going along with it because its easier than making a real decision? Because if you have, then live it. Believe it will work, take your wife flowers, make her feel special, let her know you really want to try and make a better life with her, let her know you feel her pain, accept it. But decide this is going to help you grow as a man. Don't ever let her doubt your recommitment and want to build her trust again. If you really don't want to be in your marriage, then don't, because your wife will know through the thing you say and do, and that hurts as much as not being with you. Believe me, I know, and she will never learn to trust you again with all the things that made her special to you in the first place, her thoughts, emotion and real feelings. I know I protect myself a lot because I'm scared of being hurt by my husband again, not because I don't love him or want to share all these things with him again, but because I am scared.