My Plan A is being noticed by my WW she couldn't stop saying how different I am. I noticed she has been trying to tell me that the POSOM is a great guy and all that. How do I deal with that without making an LB? When I make comments she gets mad and trys to defend him so do I just blow it off or is that a good thing?

Here is a great example. I saw on his Facebook page that his interests were... watch out ladys... DRINKING BEER! So when she was talking about how great the OM is I asked her about that and she said "he has other interest" and I said "ya dating married women!"

KSM,

Why do you have to address it at all right now. Eventually she will see OM for what he truly is, but for you to point it out only makes him more attractive to her and you less so.

How do you make her understand that any man who would date a married women is a POS?

The answer is, you don't, you can't and you probably shouldn't. She has to come to those conclusions on her own for them to mean anything.

And you might be right. Do you want to be right or married?

Mark

Thanks for the advice Mark I guess its like when a father tells his daughter that the man she is with is no good it just makes her want him more. I'll have to control my sacastic comments.

I love that quote in your sig it means a lot to me in my current situation. I'm glad there are people like you that will be there to keep me awake in the darkness so one day I will see that sunrise.

"I noticed she has been trying to tell me that the POSOM is a great guy and all that. How do I deal with that without making an LB?"

Do not acknowledge, change subject, leave the room

Every time she brings him up, say "I'd like to make some cupcakes" or some such nonsense. Then go do it. She'll see that there will NOT be a conversation that includes him.

The carrot in plan A has been working now I'm ready for the stick. I just talked to her mom and found out my WW started smoking pot and has been drinking like an alcoholic. She is going down a path and she may never come back. I have to start putting pressure on this "Match made in heaven".

At first I wasn't sure how to do the exposure thing because her only family is her Mom and she herself was a WW and an OM. After my WW's OM got my 17 year old brother in law drunk at a bar the gloves came off. I told her to tell EVERYONE about the affair and she is on board with me after I explained the principles of exposure. Another thing that dropped in my lap was a link between the OM's friends and mine so I will easily get into his circle of friends with the exposure.



With all thats going on I ask myself if its even worth it. Then I think of the wife I knew and say to myself if I don't do everything I can to save her I will regret it for the rest of my life. Marriage or no marriage my focus is on her saftey right now. As her husband it is up to me to protect her from anyone including herself.

Is the A still active?

You need to expose. Don't let her do it. It will be softened or completely whitewashed. Don't tell her you are going to, just do it. Do it now. It is part of Plan A. The carrot doesn't work without the stick.

I exposed the affair to all our friends and my family. Her Mom exposed to my WW's family. We both got the rath of my WW. This affair is going to be hard to break. She is living with him (she pays the bills he sleeps all day, drinks all night) and calls him her soul mate.

I started Plan A on Nov 1st but I only understood the concept a few weeks ago. At first I used Plan A to avoid any conflict with my wife.

Now that I better understand it I have done the following-

Used the stick...

I changed the locks on the house. She tried to come in when I was gone and take stuff to sell so she could pay her rent. When she found out she was locked out she went CRAZY! She told me everything from breaking a window to calling the police to get in. I kept telling her why I did it in a calm tone but of coarse it didn't help.

I exposed the affair to everybody. It funny how this action sorts out the good freinds from the bad. The "I don't want to get involved" didn't bother me it was the "She seems so happy" that did. Scratch them from the friend list.

I confronted the OM. That made her the most mad. She told me she is calling the police because of my death threat. I didn't wish death on him but I guess this is what he told her.

I use the word adultury instead of the sugar coated affair. It works best when she tells me God is guiding her.

Crazy things my WW has said...

When she first left (Sept. 7) all I heard was divorce this divorce that. Then it stopped for two months. She brought it up again the other day. I guess she talked to somebody and found out what she will lose and how much it will cost her. She called me and told me to make a list of things I want to keep and we will sell the rest including the house and rental house then split the money. I told her I will not make a list I'm keeping everything she left. I told her that she chose to leave everything to be with the OM I will not.

She told me I married her so I wouldn't be alone.

She told me she opened a door for me that I couldn't open (for me to find another woman to be with)

God gave her a sign to leave me.

God has brought her to OM.

You know when your doing a good Plan A when you have to keep from laughing when she tries to justify what she is doing.

The carrot...

I'm in the best shape of my life. My confidence is better then ever.

I keep my house super clean and stays that way.

I can keep calm no matter what my WW says and respond to her in a logical manner (its like talking to a wall but i'm trying).

I try to meet all her EN's but lately I've been hitting her with the stick so hard she has knots in her forehead. <- that was a figure of speech I don't beat my wife.


This affair may break soon now that she is struggiling finacially. One of her top EN's is DS, that is one the OM will never be able to fill. She is also in danger of losing her job. Her boss told her that the numbers are way down from last year and they may be within 6 months of closing.

Hold your course.

Hang in there! You are on the right path!

When my FWW was in the fog, I would respond to such comments with a simple "pffff" and turn away. Most of the time, she would just stand there, trying to figure out what I meant. If she did ask, then I would remind her of the facts (Let's see - he's a paroled felon, with two felony convictions, he's fathered four kids by three women, has had contact with only one of them, and he hates OM, CSS is now bringing him to court for child support, now that he's out of prison; he's had affairs with other married women; he's got a drinking problem. Point made?)
She would often respond with a "Yea, but..", at which point I would give her the "talk to the hand" signal.

Getting her Mom involved turned out to be more trouble then its worth. She did a great job with exposing because she carries more weight in my WW's family then I do but now her and her boyfriend call me every day telling me to grow up and divorce her. They want me to divorce my wife for revenge. I will NEVER divorce for revenge. Divorce should be used when you have had enough, tried your best, and took the time to heal. I feel it should not be used as a tool to hurt somebody. So I'm going to Plan B with my inlaws to protect my sanity.

My wife still has me in Plan A but even that is wearing thin.