Well, I have been dating a man for 2 months now. Everything was going AWESOME...We were really communicating about things, putting our wants and needs out there, and really trying to get to know one another.

He is a divorcee; married 2 times and has 2 childern from both women. I too am divorced, mother of 2 beautiful boys. He and I had exchanged the I Love You's. as well discussed the possibility of meeting eachother's children. Well, the opportunity came up and he asked me to go to a sporting event with him last week, as well as with his kids. My children were visting with their father, so it would have just been me.

We discussed it, and he expressed how he was so happy, that I said yes. I thought I was prepared, but quickly learned that neither of us where. A few days before the event, he was being very distant. He was "fleeting" and starting to close off. Instead of being 4 tickets, he only bought 3 and called to let me know. I understood and don't want to push it at all with him. Things got really "weird" and he just seemed to really be pulling away. He was saying things like, "I don't know if I'm ready, I don't know if I want this...I don't want to hurt my boys." I said to him, "If you aren't ready, then you aren't ready. I don't want to meet your kids if you are unsure about us." At the game, he text me telling me how sick he felt, and how horrible he felt and that it was wrong for me NOT to be there....? I didn't know what to say to that...

I feel the same way though, It isn't fair to introduce my children to him for them to get hurt. He closed himself off, didn't want to see me, rather, just go to bed and not deal with it. I was really shocked and got him to somewhat talk to me. The next day, he was still very quiet, and not sure why he just shut down. Why he is having second thoughts. I asked him if we were done, and he just kept saying, he didn't know, although he felt that he didn't want to break up...fine, I thought. We can work through this...

Yeah, HOW????

We spent all but 1 day of last week together. Things were great. We were talking, he said how he loves me so much and how he wants us to work, and never once did he consider ending things. That gave me some relief, because I don't want things to end either....He got his boys on Friday night, and mine came home to me on Sunday.

It happend again. I mentioned how my kids want to meet him and if he would like to to to a hockey game with us. He said, "No, I am sorry, I don't want to hurt your feelings, but I don't feel comfortable with it at all." I was like, "Okay, That's fine." He just kept saying he was sorry. Then, it all snowballed and once again, here he was, "fleeting" wanting to run. This time, questioning if we should even continue with the relationship.

One thing that stuck out to me is the times he got like this.....when we were apart. He even said, when we are together, it's awesome, and he loves me and loves being with me. He said it hurts to be away from me, but he knows it has to be, because of the kids. But when we are apart, he said he just doesn't want to deal with it???...he just sorta avoids it...WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?????

I am here at work, feeling so sick to my stomach. I called my brother and some friends and they all feel I need to just jump ship and run....He won't even say I love you back to me, because I told him not to say it unless he means it. We talked for a long time last night over the phone trying to hash things out, but to be honest, I feel it is way to early in the relationship to be feeling like this...am I wrong? Or he is just scared, as am I, and we are just avoiding all the important things at all closts????? Or, we are just way in over our heads and is this relationship doomed????

He told me last night that he was the initial one who wanted it all...me, all of me, every single part of me. A few weeks back, He too told me I have his heart, and all of him...yet, now he said that he has pulled back. Ever since last week when I was supposed to meet his kids....He said how can he go from one extreme to the other.....??? I don't know either, all I know is that it hurts. The man I started to fall in love with has become someone eles....

Should I jump ship????? I am leaning that way, but would hate to miss a chance to work this out. He too has fear of walking away, like we both will miss a chance...He isn't sure if he is there, but feels he needs to make a decison. He keeps saying he isn't sure if he can be all I deserve, and that he is afraid he will hurt me, by keeping that wall up. I just don't know what to say because at first, I was the one who was hesitant and closed off. he said all the right things, I open my heart and now he wants to run like crazy.

We are going to talk face to face today....Any advice???? It just hurts so bad....I can't eat, nor sleep and I hate what this has done to me, and is doing to me.

How long has he been divorced? How old are your/his kids?

Two months is way too early for ILYs and for meeting kids (especially if they are small).

The pattern you are in (distant/close) is a huge red flag. So is the fact that you are sick to your stomach. Your gut should be your number one indicator of the goodness of your relationship. Drama should never be a part of it.

I'd jump ship, cut your losses, and move on to find someone better suited, and without the drama. And try to go slower next time.

AGG

I think it's too early to be introducing one another to the kids just yet. You really need to see if this relationship is going to pan out before you bring him into your children's lives; it's a huge jump. Maybe your boyfriend is feeling pressure to meet them; try taking the pressure completely off by setting a distant date in the future, like at least another 2 or 3 months to even discuss introducing everyone.

Well, since my last post, yes, I jumped ship. We both did. I think it is the right thing to do, I just chaulk it up to a lesson learned. It still hurts though and sucks, because I really felt like I was in love with him. I think I was more or less in love with the idea of being in love....

He really has some things to sort out. I just hate that things did go so fast. I am not going to dwell, rather just see it as a lesson learned. I wasn't ready, I don't think he was either.

My divorce has been final since Feb 08, so yeah, this is the first relationship or thing after my divorce. Although it was nice while it lasted, I think I am much better just being alone for now, to focus on me and my boys and mostly, on myself and trying to figure out exactly what it is that I feel is missing in my life that I would allow myself to fall so fast. I hate this. I feel sick.

Don't be hard on yourself. It was a rebound relationship. I think you are owed congratulations since you recognized the red flags and were willing to walk away. That's the sign of a healthy person.

I thought I would feel better about ending things, I don't. It's hard, because of the attachments, late night talks that we would have. I saw him yesterday, a sort of goodbye...we both were crying. He said, he was happy and that he isn't sure he or we are doing the right thing, and that only time will tell. We were texting back and forth last night, he even told me that he didn't want me totally out of his life....and that he was hoping we would at least be able to talk. I just said it was hard....really hard. I need to cut my losses, although I still feel so bad and I do want him in my life, but at the same time, I don't want him there. Stupid I know. After all, I would be allowing myself to get hurt AGAIN because I know for a fact things won't change.....they have to change on their own, and he has to do it on his own....I will not allow myself to be a yo-yo. At the same time, it still hurts and sucks!

I'll get through it!

Hey, consider it a part of the growing process. Nothing ventured - nothing gained. The fact that the relationship has ended doesn't mean it was a mistake....it was, instead, a learning opportunity.

Exactly....not everything works out as we want them too, I think we both wanted it so bad to work out...things just went WAY TOO FAST for the both of us, and I think that our heads are still spinning because of it.

I am keeping my focus forward, I have to....I can analyze the situation over and over again, but it will get me no where.

One more thing....when someone tells you..."I know I'll hurt you....in the future...." does that reflect on his self doubt? Or that he just isn't willing to give it a try...Just a question.

It means he is not emotionally strong. It means he isn't good marriage material. It means he can't make a life long committment.

These are little flags that slip out that young, inexperienced people would ignore, or play parent and say that's not true. . .

in reality, its a peak inside his emotions that he is not ready or unable to make a life long committment.

good experience though. . . everyone needs a rebound to realize that its tougher to make a top shelf choice the second time around, because of all the experiences.

wiftty

I couldn't agree with you more. I feel much better. I dropped off some of his stuff to him that he left at my apartment. He cried again, I did too, though not as bad. He agreed to not contact me because it makes it harder. He knows it's hard for me. Although I am tempted to text him and just say hi, I won't.

Night time is hard, that is when we would spend our time togther, either my place or his, of course after the kids go to bed. I find myself falling asleep early just so I don't think about it....This really was the best choice made. It's hard, and I wish that things were different, but as I have been saying..."It is, what it is!"

When someone says they will hurt you again -- BELIEVE THEM.

I think he was showing you that he was a "renter" not a "buyer."
He could just as easily make the commitment NOT to hurt you, couldn't he? I think that statement he made says it all -- about his state of mind of who comes first.

For your own sake, I hope you do a version of plan B and cut all ties. It will help you heal faster and gain some distance and perspective on him.

I think he did make the commitment NOT to hurt me, he knew it would be a cycle of let me in, push me out and didn't want to do that....He and I ending things and him also telling me he won't get back together with me, as well as him seeking counseling shows he does care about me and my heart, but knows he can't committ, and has stuff to work on for himself.....

Well, I have to tell you what happend last night....

I had this sick feeling, like I was about to pass out or get sick. A few minutes later, I get a text. He and his boys where out eating. He wanted me to guess where the pen was from that he used to sign his bill....He said it was the a bistro in my hometown. I googled it to see if he was making it up, and low and behold, yup...there is was...he said he got chills, so did I. After the last text he sent me, I dind't reply.

I did however email him. I told him I dind't want a reply and even if he did, I would delete it. I told him that whole pen thing kinda weirded me out because he is a "signs person" and that maybe it was just a small reminder of the short time we spent together....I also let him know that I thought this still was the best decision....I know he won't write me back, but I wanted to remind how I felt that we need to keep our distance, and he not text/email or call me. In one of his texts last night, he told me he was sorry for contacting me, but felt the need to tell me. But it just seriously, puts a false hope, as well as reminds me yet again, why we aren't meant to be....And that the both of us have stuff to work on...mainly our selves...

I am doing much better, as long as I don't see him, or hear from him. Time heals all wounds...and though it was just 2 months, I know that I have to look out for me and work on things for me!!! That is exactly what I'm going to do, and really work on making sure I don't make the same mistake again...by allowing things to move so fast....as well, as seeing all the red flags that were raised.