My husband has signed up for cheaters & dating sites like Ashley Madison. He has all his passwords on his desktop, so knows that I could easily access his email and web browsing history. He has almost complete access to my computer as well.

I'm having a hard time figuring out if he's doing this as a passive aggressive way to either make me jealous, or as a cry for help. We both know we are having problems & have seen a MC together & will be starting again soon. The therapist has identified that my husband shows a lot of passive aggressive behaviours. I've had some individual therapy for depression & anxiety, and he's been asked by the therapist to be patient with me until we get my meds figured (which could take months) out and get my emotions in order before we really tackle our marital problems. He's not being very patient, he gave me almost 2 weeks before he started pressuring me for sex again and acting all clingy one minute, then leaving the house in the middle of the night to "drive around" or sleeping in the guest bedroom. I cannot talk to him, he doesn't listen or misinterprets what I say -that is why I want MC, I need someone to drill into him what I'm saying -obviously still didn't work since he hasn't worked on being patient with me until I figure out my meds.

I just don't understand sites like Ashley Madison and find it so crazy that there are so many people out there looking to cheat and think it's acceptable. I don't think he's conversing with anyone on there, but why go and sign up??

Is this the intent to cheat, or just more of his passive aggressive behaviour??

What a strange question, PM. I don't think he signed up on a cheaters website to get a haircut. Instead of trying to psychoanalyze him, why don't you ask him to stop?

I agree that marriage counseling would be in order. Have you considered marriage coaching with the Harleys? They actually really DO know how to save marriages unlike most MC, who are little more than divorce facilitators. They would assess your marriage and give you a PLAN of recovery.

The reason I don't confront him at this point is because he hasn't actually made contact with anyone on the sites yet other than a "hi" or adding to his favourites. I did confront him a few months ago when I saw in *my computer* browsing history that he'd been surfing a cheater's site. He explained it as he had clicked on a pop up and had a look around. I believed him at the time because that particular site had a lot of pop ups coming up on my computer at that time.

I don't want him to know at this point that I know what he's up to; I'd like to give it a bit of time and see if anything happens. Just a few minutes ago, he called to let me know he'll be late tonight; going to dinner & watch a hockey game with co-workers. This is very unusual for him, so you'll be sure I'm going to be checking his Ashley Madison profile in a few minutes to see if he's arranged something.

Right now couselling with Dr. Harley isn't in the cards. My husband's work provides free counselling to their employees as a benefit, but you have a rather limited number of counsellors you can choose from in the service.

PM, if you aren't going to use your intel to stop him from engaging in adultery, then what is the point? Wouldn't it make more sense to get it all out on the table and be honest? It is obvious he is trolling for chicks, you don't need his admission to know that.

Signing up on cheaters sites is wrong and he should be asked to stop. I don't see the wisdom in waiting for it to get worse.

Aha, I think a lightbulb just went off for me. Option 3: He signed up for the sites to see if I was registered, or will register on any of them. The description he's looking for is right in my age group, not younger as I would have expected.

He signed up for another one just the other day; Plenty of Fish. The one thing that stood out to me, and really made me sad and mad was that he put that he had no children, and didn't want any. We have a 6 year old son together.

Option 4: PhotoMama is deluding herself so she can avoid the truth

It sounds to me like you are trying to sell yourself a bill of goods, PM. I will say again that people don't sign up on cheaters sites to get a haircut. You seem to be willing to accept any bizarre explanation except the most obvious one.

Come on now. If the lightbulb went off you are in the dark. Turn on the light.