Pondered a name change - too long. I like my own name. <P>I do have a lurking husband, but that is okay. If he doesn't like what I say - he shouldn't lurk!!!!<P>Okie Dokie???<P>Glad to be back as me...!!!

Welcome back tnt!!!!

TNT -- Good for you I just got through asking how you were doing on daycare's thread, then I saw this one. Are you doing better?<P>God Bless

Yeah!!! I hated your other name.<P>Glad you're back as you.<P>SHA

TNT, let him lurk, so what. Better yet, let him jump into the fray....

Dearest TNT,<P>Glad your back lady and gaining strength. That is what I am getting out of this. I don't understand why lurker would be upset as to what you say anyway. It is all about preserving your marriage and helping other people. If anything proud should be the reaction. <P>I can only be here for a second. Tons to do around the house. Hubby should be home soon and I don't want to love bust. <P>Glad the old new name is gone. I like the old, old name better too. <P>Maybe tonight I will post with an update on life here or e-mail you.<P>Much love to you and yours! Naturally I'll be praying for you. Looks like my mantle could use another candle. <P>{{{{{{{TNT}}}}}}}}<P>------------------<BR>God bless you and all of us.<P>Samantha<BR>

tnt,<P>He probably figured out your other name anyway. Most everyone else did. <P>And I'm with SHA. You're other name was not good.<P>--andy

Starpony and Empty Shell - THANK YOU for welcoming me back.<P>Am I doing better. Yes.<P>This has been very difficult. Struggling with my faith, and being in the pit is not a good place to be. But God is close to the broken hearted, and if it takes this pit to bring me closer to God, then so be it.<P>We saw a psychologist/counselor on Sunday, at it was a FOUR hour session. Yes, four hours, not a typo.<P>I showed the counselor my bruise that I received last weekend, and a note written from SD#2 (20 yrs. old) saying that the purpose of the counseling appointment was to tell the 'lady' I was a psycho. <P>I told the counselor how I received the bruise, as husband used sex as a punishment for making SD#2 angry. I told her that I wasn't sure of the purpose of this session:<BR>A. Marriage counseling<BR>B. Divorce counseling<BR>C. to commit me to a mental institution.<P>I told her if it is marriage counseling, I would stay, if it was divorce counseling - that that is what lawyers are for, and if it was for the purpose of putting me into a mental instution to help husband gain custody of our son, then I thought he was out of line - and I would not participate.<P>She probed into questions to see if I was "paranoid" or "compulsive", based on my husband's allegations.<P>I allegated he was "narcisstic"....!!!<P>I also told her that I felt my husband doesn't value women, and that women are for adoration and admiration. (Thanks FHL!). I brought the forgiveness workbook #5 thread with me, and offered to let her read it, but she wasn't interested. <P>I told her that my husband thinks in terms of "or", and not "and", concerning his daughter's in his first marriage and me. I also told of some specific examples of overt parental alienation behaviors he is using with our son. She had a hard time buying it, and she said that would not be what a loving father would do - as that would be psychologically damaging. So I gave her more examples. No further comment.<P>I also gave examples of how his daughters and I have demonstrated that we can have a relationship, as long as he doesn't interfere. The counselor said that my Husband likes his daughters to believe that he can part the red sea for them, and that his daughters need to realize that he was not put on this earth to part the red sea for them.<P>She said that his daughters have some basic needs - certain things to learn about life that will only benefit them, regardless if this marriage is saved or ended. She said they need to learn to respect authority, and that was Husband's job to teach thim this starting with respecting me.<P>She asked if I thought H was having an affair, and I said I think he did, but I don't think he is now. <P>She asked what I thought was needed to help this marriage. I said #1, a commitment to the commitment of marriage.<P>And then, we need to start becoming honest, and there needs to be a policy of joint agreement. I told her that I have basic emotional needs in the relationship that my husband doesn't want to fill, and he does not protect our relationship whatsoever. I told her both of those things need to happen.<P>She asked if part of my emotional needs were to be with my husband 24/7. I said, no. I would like him to be honest in where he is and what he is doing, but I do not need to be with him to feel secure.<P>I told her I was willing to go to counseling, to help me learn how to live with someone who does not share my value system. I told her I am willing to negotiate a plan that helped my husband feel like his daughters were taken care of, including SD#2. I threw out some ideas of where we could start negotiating from - such as maybe my paycheck would go to support SD#2 somewhere else (extremely giving as SD#2 is 20 years old.) (Bottom line, is SD#2 is incapable of living with me or respecting me - and I would like a solution so she does not live in my house.) <P>I also said I was willing to not demand my own way, and I would work with H to find a way to be heard and considered.<P>I am also willing to let my husband and stepdaughters go, if that is what he wants. <P>But in no uncertain terms would I allow anyone to interfere with my relationship with my son, or the right to influence my son with my values (Christian) regardless if my husband stays or goes.<P>I think I did real good. My husband tried to discount and argue with everything I said. He didn't talk to me from Sunday night to Monday afternoon. <P>He called me Monday afternoon from work, and said that he wanted to stay married. (Mr. Waffle). <P>The next counseling session is next Sunday at 2:00, and I am not so sure my husband wants to go again! We'll see.<P>I thank you all for your prayers, and I am feeling much better and stronger in my faith.<P>TNT

Welcome back to the "real" you!!!! <P>------------------<BR>Joan <P>"Turn your wounds into wisdom..." That really cool black gal who was on Oprah all summer.<BR>

Glad to have you back as you!!

I wasn't thrilled with the other name either, plus, and this is most important - your first name described your faith and honor. Welcome back as the REAL DEAL!!<P>Hugs <P>PS: I know what you mean about questioning and your faith. I've felt the same way. Thankfully, God loves us despite our ponderings!<P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>Marriage: the most important contract you'll ever enter into, and the most sacred.<P><BR>

Thanks Sha! It feels good to be welcomed back.<P>Fighter - He wouldn't jump into the 'fray'. That would be admitting defeat! Ha.... <P>Airheart, you are right. He did. Oh well, I hope he learned something. For someone who doesn't care about how I feel or what I think.... Hmmmm. Why lurk?<P>Samantha,<P>Your prayers have been so important to me. It is faith in action - with the candle on the mantle. I'm always worried if your house burned down, every time I ask for prayer, though!!!<P>I like the idea of 70x7 in your new name. <P>Thank you all for welcoming me back. It feels good to be me again, and to not be afraid of what someone else thinks!!!<P>

Welcome Back!!!! <BR>Glad to see you seem to be in a much better state of being now. Wow, a 4 hour counseling session..... wish I could get my H to go for an hour. Sounds like you got some things accomplished (or at least headed in the right direction)!<P> <BR>B<P>------------------<BR>My favorite quote....<BR>"Hello, this is God. I will be handeling your problems today. I will not need your help, so sit back and have a good day."<BR>

HURRAY FOR YOU! You are in control of the only thing you wish to control, yourself. I am terribly proud of the way you've handled this whole situation and can't help but feel that you are strong in God's path right now! Good for you! His hand is guiding you and we are here for you! God Bless!<P>------------------<BR>Chick's <BR>Bren<P>You won't see things until your ready to not be blind!<P><BR>

Welcome back! Just remember, the good stuff is just around the corner. You're doing great.

I've been out of the loop for awhile. Didn't even know you were "undercover". Anyway, you sound stronger (since the last time we spoke) You seem to really be on a clear path. You are thinking more clearly. Good for you. I know how hard it is to think clearly when all you do is cry.<P>Welcome back!<P>------------------<BR>What does not kill you will only make you stronger.<BR>

HI tnt,<BR>I have missed you. Sent an e-mail to see what was up but have server issues and it may not have gone thru.<BR>Tell me how h is treating you today? And I must have missed the bruise. How did you get that bruise? <BR>I will assume that h is not talking with the daughters yet? This may be very hard for all of them-suddenly the stepmom expects something? Something as basic as respect? I am so very happy to read that you were able to state your concerns, especially about your son. The damage to the sd's is there, but you are right to protect your son from the same while you try to help them.<BR>You are a wonderful strong person. I am very lucky to know you!!

I am so glad you are back TnT, that other name just didn't work ya know ? I hope maybe H will see that you do have some valid points. Keep on going for counseling, I hope it will help you and H both.<P>------------------<BR>Just call me - Deb<BR>------------------------<BR>The only day I can do anything about is today, yesterday is gone, tomorrow is not yet mine.<P>

TNT - I'm so glad you're back I remembered to use those silly icons!!! YYYAAAYYY!<P>You did so good in the session. I knew you would. Glad you're back as yourself. <P>Lori

joanie! I haven't seen any of Oprah all summer.... Thanks for the welcome back!<P>pondvj, Thanks for the welcome, and hope you are doing better.<P>new_beginning, Thanks for your take on my name. Actually - I picked trust n truth, because those are two things I wanted from my husband when I started posting on the board. My faith and sense of integrity are very much part of who I am. I suspect you are very much the same way. I believe you are a person of integrity, and I hope you believe this about yourself today and for always.<P>butterfly - thank you for checking on me sooo much. I really appreciate your prayers and faithfulness as a friend. I will continue to pray for you!<P>chicks - you are soooo right about control. The only person I can control is ME. I think in abusive relationships, both people try to be the controller - and one feels so out of control that they need to exert physical abuse to gain the upper hand. I am going to NOT control my husband, and learn how to accept living with someone's values that do not match mine. That will be a big lesson for me.<P>Lucks, your emails were so good for me, while I was "undercover". I hope you are getting the communication with your husband you so desire, and I hope he is realizing how socializing after work isn't good for your relationship. Thanks for welcoming me back.<P>tornapart - Well, yes - I might have sounded pretty desperate! When I feel my faith slipping, I am very desperate! That is when I need everyone's prayers the most! How are you doing? Did you ever read that book about learned helplessness?<P>cl - Golly I missed you while you were on your vacation. I sent you a really long email, I'm sorry you had server problems. It hasn't come back to haunt me yet, but if it does I will resend it.<P>How is husband treating me now... Well - he is still saying he wants to stay married. Almost 24 hours saying the same thing...??? He asked if he could invite SD#2 over for dinner last night, and I said a reluctant yes. He asked why it was reluctant, and I said, - well I thought maybe she should apologize to me. But I said yes because she was your daughter. He didn't blow up.... He said I should apologize to her... I thought - gee? what in the heck for? what did I do? hmmmm..... choose words carefully as to avoid a fight..... "What should I be apologizing for?" No comment.....!!! She declined his invitation. Whew.... Thank God she can stay at BIL's until we have a permanent solution.<P>How did I get the bruise. He decided to punish me with sex after SD#2 got angry and left the house on Sunday after church. There was a struggle as I tried to NOT have sex, and was fighting him off. I got bruised on my pelvic bone. <P>It was embarrassing to show to the counselor, but I thought my husband needed the "shock" factor to realize that he was not going to be able to lie himself out of that one. Well, he tried, by discounting what I was saying and argueing whether or not I like to play sadistic sex games.... Sick Sick Sick.... Sick arguement. <P>6/19/98: I was sewing a project. Evil SIL came over, and was trying to start an arguement with me. I told her to leave. She didn't want to leave. I told her I would call 911 and have the sherrif make her leave. H grabbed me from behind and held me, as I struggled to make my way to the phone, and as SIL continued to yell, got closer to my face and started wagging her finger in my face. H threw me into a door jamb, and I had bruises all up and down my right side. <P>I told the counselor about this event. He told the counselor that I had scissors in my hand, and I was going to stab his sister!!! Seriously! Lie lie lie. He is unbelievably clueless. I told the counselor I would bring pictures of the bruises if she wanted to see them.<P>The counselor was pretty shocked. <P>Sick.