OK -- Long story....here goes....

I have a guy that has been a friend of mine since high school. We lost touch for a few years -- went to different colleges, I got married and had a family, so did he. Life goes on...

We got back in touch a few years ago, and have been in contact several times a week since then.

I have always questioned his boundries, judgement, and morals.
I have sort of taken on a counseling role with him. It seems like most of our conversations are catching up on life, and then me telling him how wrong his latest actions are. I've been able to argue the "right" side of things and he has seemed to appreciate that.

However, he's crossed the line with me and I'm ready to end this friendship permanently.

Background: We have had a long standing bet about marriage. Whomever gets engaged first has to pay off the other.

Yesterday: I get a text message from him that I win the bet, he will be engaged within the month. Quite stunning news, as I am not aware of him DATING anyone!

We trade a few more text messages and he says we need to get together when he's back from his trip because there are so many big developments in his life. He's planning on proposing next weekend, he's planning on moving her and her two kids from AZ to MN, he's planning on being married and having another baby within the next year.

I'm not content to wait, so I quiz him more via text message.
Apparently, he's been "seeing" his administrative assistant for a year. Hmmmm.

"Seeing" is code word for having an affair with his STILL MARRIED assistant.

So he's planning to pop the question to his STILL MARRIED affair partner and take 2 little boys thousands of miles away from their father cuz "he's an ashole" according to the WW in this story.

Romantic huh?

So my response is why bother to get married when you have NO RESPECT for marriage to begin with!! UGH.

I really want to tell her husband the truth about his life and wife. But I will have to play super slueth, cuz I don't even know their last name...

Can I? Or is this none of my business?

I totally would.

Expose!

Ask for her name, you'd like to send a "congratulations" card (I hope the Karma bus runs over you, you lying cheating POS) on your "engagement" (destruction of your marriage and family). Then send said congratulation card to the BH.

You need to expose them. Then, need to tell your 'friend' how you feel about his disrespect for marriage.

4 yes, 0 no's.....LOVE IT!

I think I want to sneak as much information as I can from "friend" so that I can provide many details to BH as I can.

Very smart thinking.

Oh, yeah! EXPOSE!!!

Thanks for your input.

Its interesting, I was hesitant to ask, because I posted about this EXACT same friend who was involved AGAIN with a (different) married woman 3 years ago, and was told it wasn't my business to expose.

Really? Wow!

I always expose. I tell friends that if they dont want their spouse or others to find out, dont tell me!

I'm with MM.

Also, ask yourself, "Am I my brother's keeper?"

Honor says that you are.

Why are you friends with a guy whom you've always questioned his character? Why do you feel a need to counsel him?

He seems like someone to cast aside.

This is the very thing I don't understand about women.

Why are you taking on a "counseling role" with another man? Are you married?

ottert -- I am not married. He is not married. We are friends.

And to answer your question Roy, I thought I was being a positive influence on him. Most of the time our conversations are about work and kids -- we have similar jobs and kid the same age.

I was able to talk him out of a similar situation a while back.
(which is probably why he kept this new one hidden from me for so long...) But, obviously his ethics allow for these kind of relationships, so I'm done.

Okay, sorry. I'm new here and don't know your story.

Just my .02, but it seems like a rather fruitless endeavor to counsel someone whose "boundaries, judgement and morals" you question, let alone keep him as a frequently contacted friend.

I hope that you will take it the right way when I say that you might examine your own motives in having done so.

No matter how I write that, it sounds snide. I truly do not mean it that way. But it really strikes me that alerting his assistant's spouse is only part of the work that you could do here.

Expose - I can't imagine who here would have counselled you not to 3 years ago.

Penalty...hmm.

One thing that life has taught me, and infidelity being the greatest lesson -- is that NO one is perfect and I am FAR LESS judgemental of people than I used to be.

I used to sit up on my pedestal and think I knew better than anyone about just about anything.

Humbly I have learned thats not the case.

And if I can help him get OUT of bad situations that his lack of judgement has gotten him into, then that must be a good thing, right?

What if there is NOBODY in his world telling him how devastating this situation is, and that he needs to look at it from a different way?

He's a great success when it comes to business. We've shared lots of great ideas when it comes to careers. We have other interests in common. I happen to think he has some issues with his judgement most especially when it comes to relationships.
No, my friends are not perfect. Does that mean I have a motive in trying to help them?

"So my response is why bother to get married when you have NO RESPECT for marriage to begin with!! UGH."

Have you told him this?

"I really want to tell her husband the truth about his life and wife. But I will have to play super slueth, cuz I don't even know their last name..."

Sherlock, time to go to work and expose.

Lexxy,

No, none of us is perfect. And I am of the mind that the knowledge we have gained here is something that we should be sharing with those who so obviously need it. It may sound extreme to some, but I look at it the same way I look at sharing my belief in God. What good does it do to share it with other people who already believe? It's those who don't know Him that need Him most. JMHO.

Unfortunately, not everyone is going to 'get' it and make the appropriate decisions in life. At least you are there to tell him about his wrong choices.

And despite your counseling, he's chosen the wrong path. Do you let him proceed without action on your part? I say no. I agree that the other parties in this deserve to know and if you can do something to expose this then you should.

Even if you could put aside the fact that this is an affair (which I can't), who let's their friend proceed with getting married to somone they've know such a brief amount of time, long distance, with kids involved? That alone demands, as a friend, that you speak up.

So, outside of your wayward friend issue, how are YOU??