So would you confront her now while she is out of town or wait for return in a couple of days? Part of me wants to tell her I know and the other part almost thinks I shouold wait to see if anything further evolves.

What's the history?

She had dated this guy for five years off and on prior to us dating. About three or four months into us dating she "hooked" up with him again. We then got married two years later and had kids. I do believe it has been since before we got married that they last connected. They then connected on Facebook which she told me about three or four months ago. No big deal......but she has been in touch with him behind my back clearly - this is the second time I have caught her doing so. The first was when I posted in November - we talked, everything in the air and then this message last night that I saw on instant messenger so it continues.

First off I don't believe that 'girls only' vacations are healthy for a marriage.

Right there a tone is set in the marriage that, in my opinion, can lead to real issues with someone who has boundry issues (like your wife seems to have).

I don't think you'd get much done over the phone while she is gone. I'd leave it for now. Get a GPS and digital voice recorder in her car while she is gone to complement the keylogger.

You'll know within 24 hours of her return if she's cheating on you.

Personally, I would wait until she gets home and watch the keylogger. I hate to say this. I think you'll see some inappropriate conversations, at least.

I caught my H in an EA(obsession) with an EX that was going on for our entire relationship. All over the internet. Not a safe place.

I have a facebook page. My husband is well aware of who my friends are. He reads messages right along with me. The only males I 'befriend' are relatives.
I dropped myspace when an old BF of mine wouldn't leave me alone. That's called protecting your marriage.

This guy lives out of town and I really don't think they have seen each other. I guess I am being proactive as I have seen so many bad endings on his site.

I actually have to leave for work before she returns for three additional days.....I almost want to let her know that I know and then see what happens via keylogger while I am gone.....

Even if he lives out of town, even if they haven't seen each other, there can still be an EA going on. That can distance your W and confuse your W! It can ruin your marriage! I know 2 people(from college) that left their marriages for old flames. In both cases, they lived in different states.

Wait for the keylogger. If you confront her, she might get careful and go further underground. That was some really good advice given to me.

thought was to confront give her a couple of days alone and check keylogger when I return as well as cell phone records, etc....I think if it were serious she would take advantag of me being out of town

If you suspect this possible EA may go PA while you are gone then find a way to cancel your trip.

If I cancel I will lose my job and I cant afford that right now in this market.. Don't think it will go PA while I am gone but almost want to bait her to see....I have already confronted her on this and she has persisted behind my back.....not sure what else I can do

Then ask a trusted friend to check in on your W and her activities while you are away.

Man In Motion - would you tell her I saw it and let her come back and see what she does or would you wait

If there's a chance the EA has not gone to a PA yet I'd confront her but do NOT reveal your sources of information under ANY circumstances. Before you leave for your trip, tell her you KNOW she is slobbering all over OM and you aren't going to put up with this sort of disrespect, etc, etc. Don't engage in an argument about you being crazy, jealous, or what you know and don't know, etc and don't make threats of any kind. Just state it as fact and let it be.

You may even tell her that while you are gone she better think long and hard about the consequences her A will have on your family as well as OM's (if he has one). Do not threaten exposure. You never want to give a WS notice if it comes to that. She will be freaking out wondering what you know and how you know. Let the keylogger do it's thing because she will be contacting OM asking WTH he said or did, etc.

If you have a trusted friend who can play it cool, you can ask him to keep an eye on W while you are gone for the next few days.

Sorry you are here puzzled. I hope this A is squashed pronto and WW wakes up.

I am sorry to ask so many questions, but one more. If I tell her I know she will know how I found out...but I almost want her to know - maybe for guilt or whatever.

She may go deeper under ground in her communication, but I am at whit's end herer.....if I don't say anything for the next few days it will totally consume me I am afraid.

So do I tell her I know from IM or wait to see if anything else transpirtes while I am away?

What kind of keylogger did you get?

e-blaster will send you correspodence to any e-mail address as often as you program it to. Every hour, 2 hour, day, whatever you want.

You can download it to the PC in 10 minutes. I believe it'll run you around $100

This way you go away and see what she types up to the minute. If it threatens to go PA you rush home before it happens.

we have a mac so one for that which must be checked on this computer. Guessing I will wait to confront until I have more proof and we are together

I hope this is OK to post. It works on MAC's puzzled.

Spector
For Windows or Mac OS Spector 360
For Windows Networks

Install Spector Spy Software on your PC and it will record EVERYTHING your children and employees do on the Internet.

Spector AUTOMATICALLY takes hundreds of screen snapshots every hour, very much like a surveillance camera. With Spector, you will be able to see EVERY chat conversation, EVERY instant message, EVERY e-mail, EVERY web site visited and EVERY keystroke typed.

Unlike other email spy software, Spector also records HotMail, Yahoo Mail, and other anonymous email accounts via snapshots.

Watching the recorded internet activity with Spector is like using a VCR. Just press "Play".

Spector spy software is 100 percent compatible with all versions of AOL and AOL Instant Messenger.

that is what I got....does not detect facebook IM but does do snapshots and keystrokes so I will wing it

I am going to wait on confronting her until I return....not much will be accomplished other than satisfying my own need of making her feel guilty...need to see if any more correspondence goes on while I am away I suppose

ok - so how do you handle sex - i am here waiting for her to wake up on all of this and we typically have sex 3 times a week. I return after a week - do I go ahead guilt free have sex in an attempt to play normal to catch her in the act

ok - so there is a lot of talk about not showing your hand - how do you live a normal life?????sex is part of marriage - I have been advised not to confront and play it out by many people here - so do I keep a physical relationship with my wife to let things play out???? HELP