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Yes, no, depends on the woman?

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Pre A .... I had no real problem, H would go on a rare occasion with buddies. I also didn't see the disrespect it is to a marriage. I do now.

Post A .... I would have a huge problem since he has admitted to a couple of 'indiscretions' related to these places.

Even if the food was to die for and dirt cheap, I don't see any reason whatsoever for a married man to go to a strip bar.

But that's me.


M'd 22 years
BW-me
D-Day 08/08 LTA


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Is the man taking the woman to the club with him? Or not.

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I'm really tired but realized I didn't even answer your question.
Is this cheating ?
Well ... you can't tell me that you have no sexual thoughts while watching the strippers, these thoughts are evoked by someone other than your wife, and the physical stimulus is right in your face. How can you not compare them with your wife? So ... yes I think it is a form of cheating.

What really matters is what does your spouse think?


M'd 22 years
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ok this all depends on why the person is going....are you going for say a bachelor party or just to go.

I see it ok if it has to do with a bachelor party...It is seen as almost a tradition for some people before a wedding..as long as thats all it is....as long as he isn't going there to look for something. He's coming home to the one he loves and no one else i would not be that worried.

But if the plans are to go out to the strip bar to go....no. Just no. Unless the other half of the relationship is going with. No It's asking for trouble.

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Strip club's are disgusting, vile places where women are degraded.

No decent human being who has any compassion should go to them.

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If the couple has made vows to be faithful, sexually and in all other ways forsaking all others?

YES!


Cafe Plan B link http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2182650&page=1

The ? that made recovery possible: "Which lovebuster do I do the most that hurts the worst"?

The statement that signaled my personal recovery and the turning point in our marriage recovery: "I don't need to be married that badly!"

If you're interested in saving your relationship, you'll work on it when it's convenient. If you're committed, you'll accept no excuses.
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Quote
Even if the food was to die for and dirt cheap, I don't see any reason whatsoever for a married man to go to a strip bar.

I agree. Married men, no matter what, should not be in a strip club. Bachelor party or lunch.

Why would being in a strip club, with your H watching another woman take off her clothes be any different than a 'friend' strip for your H? Would you let you H so next door and watch your "friendly" neighbor strip for him?


Nope.....it's cheating as far as I'm concerned.



Me46
FWH42
Married 19 yrs
EA 4/07 - 4/08
(Confirmed by polygraph that it had not gone PA)
Dday1 4/13/08
Dday2 8/8/08
S26
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D10
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I do not think a married man has any business in one. Frankly, I don't think an unmarried man has any business in one.

I think you guys are trying to sale us women a bill of goods on why you 'need' activities such as these. If you wouldn't do it with your mama, wife, and children watching you, you don't need to be doing it.

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Originally Posted by iam
Strip club's are disgusting, vile places where women are degraded.

No decent human being who has any compassion should go to them.

I agree.


I am a 32 yr old betrayed husband.
My wayward wife is 31.
Married 3.5 years.
Found out about affair when it started around 10/1/08.
Affair started as emotional via internet, then went physical.
Wife moved out on 12/27/08.
I filed for legal separation to get visitation with my son--wife countered with big D but now says she is in no hurry to finalize the D??
Currently in Plan A.
3 yr-old son.
7 yr-old step son.
11 yr-old step daughter.
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Originally Posted by moteman
Yes, no, depends on the woman?

Yes. At some level, your wife will resent it.


WH - 44
FWW - 50
Married - 2005
d-day - 12/4/2008
NC since 12/13/2008
Her d-day 4/22/2009
Divorcing.
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As a man going to a strip club is cheating. Sexual favors are offered in places like this. I would not want my W going to an all male club so I can she her not wanting me to go to a female one.

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You will be sorry... because no matter what YOU think about it.

It is what SHE thinks that matters.

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Going to a strip club is cheating. Why are you there? To get aroused from looking at another woman. Steer clear as it will destroy your relationship, just like porn and an actually affair.

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If it won't build up your marriage, it will help tear it down. Now, is this a situation in which it will build or destroy?

And, if you've come here looking for something that will justify your choice to do this, you can just pack your bags and go home.

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My exww suggested we go to one when we were married. We were driving by it.

Her rationale was that they'd get me all worked up and she'd take care of things after.

I was disgusted at the idea and flat out said no. She tried to persuade me, but I told her I wasn't comfortable with the idea of getting all worked up by another woman and that the only woman who was allowed to excite me in any way was her.

That should have been a clue about her boundaries.

Yes, I consider it very bad boundaries at best, infidelity in your mind as well.


D-Day 28 Feb 06
Plan D (Not by choice) - 24 March 06

DD6
DS4(Twin1)
DS4(Twin2)

She moved away with the kids April 08. I contested it and got a lot more time with my kids. She's unhappy that I want to stay involved in their lives and don't settle for being an "every other weekend" dad.

Never going to happen.

Ongoing personal recovery through the help of friends, family, and DC United Soccer!
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Originally Posted by iam
Strip club's are disgusting, vile places where women are degraded.

No decent human being who has any compassion should go to them.
You have not known many strippers have you?

Strip clubs are disgusting, vile places where lonley and unhappy men are manipulated by very caniving wemon who see the patrons as nothing but walking dollar bills.

Having an older brother who was a bouncer at one when I was a teen, and having known many dancers that worked there. I have a uniqe inside view into such places.

I feel sory for the men that go there, not the wemon who work there.

At any rate. I do not feel it is cheating to go to a strip club. But I do not think it is somthing that a married man should do unless his wife is with him. And even then, I advise against it.

Last edited by Gack1; 02/09/09 11:37 AM.

Me 34
WW 30
Abandoned Feb 17th 08, D-Day Aprl 27th 08.
Returned home Jul 7th, OC born 12/30/08
The FOG is clear, and we are in recovery.
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No, it's not physical cheating as long as you don't touch.

But, I'm not sure how going to a strip club goes along those vows you took to love, honor, and cherish your wife. That should be the overriding decision maker..not whether or not you can ease your conscience on a technicality.




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Originally Posted by iam
Strip club's are disgusting, vile places where women are degraded.

Women are degraded there?

First, it's easy to make the case that they are not being degraded at all, considering the copious amounts of money they make for doing little to no work. They dance naked and have money thrown at them.

Degraded? How about being stuck in a cubicle for 40+ hours a week, living paycheck to paycheck, and wondering if I'll be able to support my family if and when I get laid off while some idiot skank down at "The Red Garter" is pulling down more cash than I do, and paying little to no tax on any of it?

Second, strippers are not slaves. Nobody has ever put a gun to their head and said, "You are going to be a stripper".

Most strippers do what they do because they are lazy, and are genetically gifted enough to earn large amounts of money WHILE being lazy. Correction, they're lazy AND have a meth habit to finance. You can't support a meth habit working at Burger King, and working fast food is like, hard and stuff.

Strippers choose to be strippers. If stripping is degrading, they are choosing to be degraded.

I guess it's better to be "degraded" than to have to actually work for a living. These [censored] would end up on government assistance and whoring themselves out on the street.

Tipping a stripper is almost like giving to charity.


For the record, I don't like strip clubs, either.


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Women are degraded at strip clubs by both themselves and the men who visit them.

The women degrade themselves to carnal animals or objects and the men encourage it by paying the strippers.


I am a 32 yr old betrayed husband.
My wayward wife is 31.
Married 3.5 years.
Found out about affair when it started around 10/1/08.
Affair started as emotional via internet, then went physical.
Wife moved out on 12/27/08.
I filed for legal separation to get visitation with my son--wife countered with big D but now says she is in no hurry to finalize the D??
Currently in Plan A.
3 yr-old son.
7 yr-old step son.
11 yr-old step daughter.
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