I think the article lists 12 things, but I can't open it at work; I got this version somewhere else:
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Men aren't supposed to like romance, right? Well, that's the theory, anyway. In practice, men may not always like to call it romance, but we feel the same yearning to connect that you do, to give and receive physical expressions of love and to continue the rituals of courtship. In short, we want to romance you... and we secretly want you to romance us. The flowery stuff, the roses, and candlelight, just isn't a guy thing. So skip the sweet little trappings and go for what's guaranteed to work.

#1. Dress Up for Him
"Consider dressing for his tastes and not just yours once in a while," says Barbara De Angelis, Ph.D., author of "Secrets About Men Every Woman Should Know." "Take him shopping and have him choose outfits he would like to see you in."
Remember, you're doing this for him, not for you. And, as psychologist Ronald Goldstein, Ph.D., a marriage counselor in Newtown, Pennsylvania, explains: "Women should keep in mind that men are visually oriented." Trust me, men find it very romantic when you step wholeheartedly into our debauched little fantasy worlds. If we're hard-wired to be turned on by visual cues, why not indulge us -- and use it to your advantage?

#2. Initiate Physical Affection
Whether you're playing footsie under the table or placing a hand on our shoulders while scooting behind our chairs, men find the touch of the woman they love unbelievably reassuring. In our treasured nonverbal language, it translates as: "I accept you... I love you... We're a team."

#3. Give Him a Night Out with the Boys -- No Strings Attached
It may seem odd to you that a romantic gesture might not involve you at all. But dogs run with dogs, wolves run with wolves, and every so often, guys just have to break away and run with the guys (drooling and howling optional).

#4. Tell Him What a Big, Strong Guy He Is
We men are famously incompetent at expressing ourselves verbally... but that doesn't mean we don't appreciate hearing a little praise now and then. In particular, we draw a lot of our identity from our maleness. Nurturing our big-ape fantasies -- me Tarzan, you Jane -- lets us know you value us as males, which is somehow important to the continued production of testosterone.
A quick insight into men: We all want to be heroes. Remembering to compliment your mate on being a great partner isn't always easy in the middle of a busy day, but it's a quick shortcut to making him feel wanted, needed, and loved, which is of course the ultimate point of any romantic gesture. And this positive reinforcement of your mate's good behavior will yield big dividends later, as he subconsciously tries to live up to your glowing appraisal.

#5. Score Him a Pair of Tickets to the Big Game
Which would you rather receive from your mate: a weekend at a spa or a new set of cookware? The spa is by far the more romantic gift, if only because he doesn't stand to gain anything from it. Gifts that don't benefit the giver are somehow purer because they demonstrate you care only about making your partner happy. So when you're thinking about gifts, try not to think about what you'd like to get him, but what he'd like to receive.

#6. Show Interest in His Outside Life
We live in a fast-paced world, and we all know it's easy enough to get wrapped up in our own routines. But finding ways to let a man know you care about all aspects of his life, not just the parts he shares with you, is a great way to show you love the whole man. Shoot him a few well-directed questions about work to help him unwind, surprise him with a book relating to a hobby, track down a website that deals with some problem he's having -- all are touching gestures I guarantee will be well received.

#7. Tell Him a Secret
Men want to be soul mates, too. Telling him a secret -- symbolically letting him deeper inside you -- demonstrates total trust in him and faith in your relationship. Because you're making yourself vulnerable, it's an incredible bonding experience. What works just as well: Encourage him to tell you a secret or two. And don't laugh.

It's all so very true.

Mr. G

I do not think any of these things should be gender based. Women like all of those things too!!!!

But as the article states:

Men aren't supposed to like romance, right? Well, that's the theory, anyway. In practice, men may not always like to call it romance, but we feel the same yearning to connect that you do, to give and receive physical expressions of love and to continue the rituals of courtship. In short, we want to romance you... and we secretly want you to romance us. The flowery stuff, the roses, and candlelight, just isn't a guy thing. So skip the sweet little trappings and go for what's guaranteed to work.

They usually don't do these things for us except during courtship.

But they should!! Just like we should continue to treat them like we're still courting them too!

One of the things that I've learned through all of this is that even after the vows and years of marriage, my H and I should have been treating each other as though we were dating instead of taking each other for granted and not showing the affection that we had for each other.

It was a hard lesson to learn!!

I totally agree, i was just making a point. The article is talking about things men would like and i was stating that women would like the same things and both genders should get them ALL OF THE TIME.

Many times because of the expressed or implied instructions of their wives.

I can't count how many guys I know who have been told by their wives don't bring me flowers, fix the yard or do the dishes instead. Only to find out later (after doing the dishes and fixing the yard) that theirs wives are peeved about not getting the flowers.

Romance to a woman is a thing of the mind, not reality.

I think the problem with we women is that we want the man to do it on their own.

If my H asks me do you want me to send you flowers, i tell him no because it would not be a surprise or something he did without asking me.

I do not ask him what he wants. I KNOW him well enough to pick things that i think he would like and 9 times out of 10 i hit the mark.

This year for the first time ever my h put something in my stocking for Christmas that showed me he was paying attention to me.

It was something little and most would probably laugh but to me it was the best gift i have ever received from him. And it was just the type of mascara i use. It showed me that he noticed me enough to know what i use.

I also think that women tend to believe that we should simply "KNOW" what you want without your input. And our failure in this reguard, is held against us.

Whereas Men typically feel that they are willing to 'tell' their wives what they want, but then want it to happen. In my experience, telling my wife something I would 'like' to occur was the best way to ensure that it would NEVER happen. She couldn't stomach being 'told' to do anything. No matter what it was, she would rebel against it. Tell her I would like for her just to show up at work, and take me to lunch... resulted in me never seeing her at lunch again. A guy would have 'taken the desire' and picked her up for lunch.

Men and women basically want to feel needed and desired. The worst part is that we want it shown in completely different ways, and we continually interject OUR OWN understanding and feelings into our attempts. Men think, jeesh... they are just flowers. Women think... OMG... is it time for sex again already???

Boy does this sound familiar. I can relate.

Well speaking for myself only, yes i want my H to get me something without me telling him what to get.

I mean we have been together for 25 years i think he knows my likes and dislikes. If he were to take to the time to get me something that he did not ask what to get me i would cherish that gift because he THOUGHT about me and what i would like.

I have never asked my H what to get him, i know him and i get him things that i know he likes. He likes a specific fotoball team and he likes weather and he likes the outdoors i pay attention to those things. Anything to do with any of those things he LOVES.

I guess this is because we "KNOW" what you like/want/need so we expect the same from you.

But if I've learned nothing else from working on my marriage after the A, it's that most men really aren't as perceptive as their wives and they really don't know what we want/need. They need to be told. Men really are from mars and women are from venus



Now, now.....flowers to me do not = sex. Flowers to me mean that he knows how much I like them and wants to see me happy and if sex happens because of it, then that's great

Well stated JoJo!!!

Sorry but i picture the little circus clown from the cartoon JoJo's circus and she is really cute.

Boy, not me! Nothing makes me happier (and more wanting to reciprocate, iykwim) than for H to just decide to do dishes or fix something, without it coming from me. But that's probably because it is so rare and because my house is falling apart...

lol, my version of this is (and mind you, I make sure H gets SF at least 3 times a week so it's not like he's being tortured)...uh oh, H picked his plate off the table and he is now in the kitchen helping with dishes...he must want SF tonight.

Many men have learned that if I do not appreciate a gift, whether it's what we liked/wanted/needed, it's our fault and we're in doghouse. I certainly can't speak for your situation, but it certain is common.

Are you saying that you say you like something even if you don't because you spouse will get mad if you say you don't like it?

If that is the case then she should be ashamed of herself. I would want my H to tell me he didn't like something so i don't get something similar for him in the future because i do not ever ask him what he wants i just get him things that i think he will like by his interests.

Cat ~ that's how it used to be at our house. But now, with the help of the EN's ?aire he helps everynight, so I'm surprised when it's SF night and it's always great

I don't agree with you on that one. I have never been upset with anyone, including my DH, if a gift or token of love and appreciation wasn't liked.

It really sounds to me like this is your experience that you are referring to?!?!

I don't think its a lack of perception on a man's part, its that the task is so much more difficult when trying to hit a moving target. Its like playing baseball versus tee ball. With women, anything and everything could be romantic, its just no telling what it will be on any particular occassion. As I said, I think that is because romance is a thing of the mind for a woman. Because of that, no matter how well you know a woman, a man will only hit the mark 2-3 out of ten times, if left to his own devices (BTW, this success rate declines proportionally to how long a man has known the woman). And that is a grind. It is a grind to fail 70-80% of the time. So next they resort to asking, only to be told it doesn't count if they have to ask. This is why I say men are either expressly or implicitly told not to bother.

It is easy to know what a guy wants...it starts with S and ends with X. There is an E in the middle.



I think you are the exception...not the rule. If I bring flowers home, I usually feel worse than if I would not have even went home. If I get red roses, it is b/c that is my favorite flower. Or these are not long stem in a box. Or Wal-mart flowers are not special, you are just a tightwad. So much for it is the thought that counts. If I am at Wal-mart and think, it would be nice to pick up some flowers, I am supposed to think, oh, i should run to the florist, pay 10x more for an arrangement that will be dead in the same amount of time as the wal-mart flowers.