So when she decided, on her own I might add, that Plan B was the next step for her after doing Plan A way too long IME, and I gave her encouragement to be strong while in Plan B I was advising her to wait for her do-mas husband to give up the crack-ho and come crawling home?

My advice to Queenie always was for her to strengthen herself, her faith and her trust in God. I was the 4th person to post to her on this thread and I first posted to her on one of her other threads on July 10th 2007, 15 days after she first registered. At no time have I ever suggested that she simply wait for her WH to just decide to come home.

She chose Plan B knowing that it meant waiting to see if he would end his affair and as of right now he has not. She has now decided to move on for which I applaud her. I would have given up long ago. I will now support her as she pursues divorce because she has earned my respect and admiration.

Once he left, she had very few options open to her. She followed Plan A much longer than I thought possible and then decided to begin a Plan B phase to wait to see if he would ever wake up. My concern now is that she not entangle herself emotionally until after the divorce, not to prevent her from having the happiness she so much deserves but to make absolutely certain that she focuses on getting a divorce for the right reasons and not in an effort to be with someone else.

If she were to become romantically involved before the divorce was final it could hurt her leverage in court. It could also lessen her will to fight for what she deserves and has earned.

And until the divorce is in the books, Queenie is in fact married and if her husband were to suddenly have some sort of epiphany and want to seek reconciliation, which I think she would be nuts to attempt at this point under all but the most incredible of circumstances, she should be able to make that decision based on facts and not the emotions of her own romantic entanglement.

My reference to SMB and TST was to mention that while SMB was certain that TST was gone for good, it was as she began to become emotionally involved with another man that he snapped out of his fog-induced stupor and made one of the most valiant efforts at winning the right to return to his wife that I have witnessed.

And considering that Believer's WH approached her even after the divorce was final, well beyond two years after the affair began I think it wise for Queenie to remain, not sitting in wait for her husband to exit the fog, but to complete the process which she began, on the high-road.

I was reluctant to mention it at all because my heart breaks for Queenie, but I know that to her the most important thing is to do what is right and not merely what she feels she has earned the right to do because of someone else's wrong actions and choices. Having become Queenie's friend I can do no less than to point out to her when her actions contradict her faith and beliefs.

Queenie is MUCH stronger now than she was in November of 2007 when this thread began. She is stronger because she has worked on herself and not just sat around waiting and longing for him to come home. A year ago there was NO WAY that she would have considered a divorce. 6 months ago it would have been unthinkable to her. Her wait was not for him but for her to be ready to make the move.

Now that she is ready, I say DO IT with all haste.

I only add that until there actually is a divorce, there is still a marriage and no matter what her WH did with Crack-Ho, she needs to do what is right, not for HIM but for herself and for her faith in God.

And yes I really do believe truth and what is right is an absolute and not situational. I do not believe that someone else doing wrong to us entitles us to do wrong in return, to them or in any other way. THAT is exactly what leads to affairs in the first place. THAT is why her WH is with Crack-Ho today. He felt entitled to have an affair because he felt wronged by Queenie in some way. He justified his wrong doing by blaming her for his unhappiness and so decided that it entitled him to be happy at her expense and that of his children.

The reason she has not already moved on was because she committed to doing all she could to save her marriage first. She did that and now can move on with no regrets knowing that she left nothing undone that could be done.

Mark

Hi Queenie,

Sounds like it was the kind of lift you needed.Feels good doesn't it?

Are you starting to beleive that you do have the strength to keep going?

Be careful ok. Protect that sweet heart of yours.

Prayers.

Hi Queenie!! (JT jumping joyously up in tulip town!)

I agree with Mark. You have taken the high road, you have grown in your faith and strength, and you are a treasured friend.

BTW-we need to get together before Lil and Flick come to town.

Email me.

Love you-

Mark, you have said everything so perfectly there isn't much to add.

Queenie, our situations are very different. But one thing is the same...we both are daughters of the King whose desire is to live in His will and please Him. And because you have chosen not to live by the world's standards, dating is not the path for you YET. I stepped outside His will the moment I allowed OM the opportunity to meet my ENs. Be steadfast in your commitment to be in the center of God's will.

I am thrilled you are ready to release the baggage that holds you down in the pits. But I want you to be able to look back on this time in your life and know that you pleased God by continuing to live in His will. I know that that is important to YOU.

It isn't about being faithful to WS anymore. It's about being faithful to God.

Did you get my email?

Happy Friday and Shabbat Shalom and thank you.

You ALL happen to be right. I have worked extrememly hard to become the woman G-d has always designed for me and to begin dating or letting someone feed me continually is just wrong at this point.

I would NEVER have considered doing what I did without seeking G-d for guidance and talking to my spiritual advisors. I didn't do this for any reason but just to experience what is possible in my new future. I won't believe what I did was wrong because I followed all the channels I have come to learn to follow. But that doesn't mean I have free reign to date. I am still married and I take that seriously.

I love my H and to this day I believe that we could have made a go from what happened. But G-d had other plans and I have worked very hard to just plain accept.

Mark you are so right, in the beginning I was absolutely destroyed, I couldn't function, I couldn't imagine a life without my H, or even mention D. I have worked so flippin hard to learn about how I caused the problems in my M and to make those changes so that if G-d allowed the chance I was ready to be his warrior and recover what I held so dear, my marriage and my H. To continue to date until my D is final for me in the long run is wrong. FOR ME..... Not because people tell me but who because of who I have become.

I NEEDED this experience, I believe G-d gave me this experience because of my hard work at becoming the woman he designed for me, but now it's time to just wait for more blessings of that kind to come.

I'm not a martyr, I'm a woman and I got to experience that. I am so grateful that you all have been honest with me and supportive of me with your OWN opinions. Because truly it took a VILLAGE to help me live again.

This journey of mine isn't completed until the ink is dry and my M is over. What I learned about myself is that I did marry for life, that there will always be a part of me who is still M to this man and no D will ever erase that. I will always be the wife who made a convenant with this man not once but twice. He is my soul mate and every day he isn't with me there is a hole in my heart. I loved him completely and totally. I was willing to lay my life down for him and I didn't know that before. I was willing to sell my soul for him to get him to come home and that wasn't G-ds plan for me. I was willing to do whatever it took to recover my M and who knows maybe the miracle can still happen one day. And if it's G-ds plan it will come to be.

Through this journey I have learned I am a woman who loves deeply and completely and it's time to let G-d give me someone else to share life with when the time is right. We are HUMANS and the real truth is we don't TOTALLY know what G-ds plan is. We have a manuscript to follow but like the rabbis say put torah in a room of 1 and you have at least 2 opinions.

What I have come to learn is that we each make our way through life the very best we know how, we set standards and morals for ourselves according to OUR very own relationship with G-d. I don't judge you for making your choices, and I don't judge myself anymore. I just live my life to please G-d and let him lead me as I interpret through listening, praying, meditating and talking to people whose values I trust and have come to rely on.

Now granted there are absolutely rights and wrong and WH hit the WRONG BUTTON BIG TIME. I could have become a bitter woman out to scorn and screw over, but instead I have G-d's light of love and life living in me stronger and deeper than ever before.

I think this absolutely says it all. I am steadfast in my commitment to G-d's will. He just threw in a piece of fun for ONE TIME until it's over.

Now, I am going to tell you, I'm NOT WAITING A YEAR to DATE once the D is FINAL.... I'm going to LET GO and let G-d LEAD ME.

Hi Queenie,

I also think it would be best if you were to wait until after D to date again....for the reasons that have already been stated.

I know, easier said than done...I see this as part of your journey, Queenie.

p.s. sorry, cross-posted!

Yes, Miss Queenie, divorce first, then dating.

LOL, don't follow my example, follow my words. Heard about your date on another thread! See how things get around here?

I promise, NO MORE DATING until the D is final. Its not hard to do what's right when you include your relationship with G-d in the mix.

LOL

It was always my vision to walk through this trauma with grace and dignity and I believe I have. I wasn't wrong for going out on ONE DATE, but more than that would be for ME... ONLY ME...

I still don't judge others on here or in real life. How we deal with, how we walk through, how we learn and how we grow is between you and G-d. Not people to people. If someone chooses to date before their D is final that's their choice and their walk and I don't believe that I have the right to tell them they are wrong.

HOWEVER, I NEED you all to help me learn about MY WALK with G-D and help me to develop the relationship I was meant to be. I respect all of you with your differing opinions because you are all capable of being accountable to yourself and your G-d. That's what I needed to learn.

When I came here my relationship was a hope. Today my relationship is the most important thing I have and along with it I have met some of the most amazing human beings who stand for what they believe regardless if it is different and because it is different.

I am a better person because of you who helped me find G-d, helped me to continue to nurture my relationship with G-d and helped me to find the womanly warrior in me to fight G-ds battle that he needed me to find.

The fat lady hasn't sung, but she is getting dressed.

REALLY..... I'm touched and honored, regardless if it's a bashing.

Hi Queenie!



We're here for you. When do you want to hang out again?

Next week? What about Thursday?

Queenie, you're a hoot!

Ok, so maybe me and Chai can go out on the road and make us some HUGE money and sponsor a cruise for ALL OF US on MB?

What cha think?

Where & When!

LOL....

I think somewhere WARM, EXOTIC and with MEN for ME and CHAI when our D are FINAL.

Shabbat Shalom, Queenie.

A link for you: Shalom Aleichem

And a link to the lyrics in Hebrew (which this site can't support or I would post them):Shalom Aleichem Lyrics

Here's the best the site can do:

Mark

I sing this song during shabbat at services very often. In fact it's one of my favorites. We are actually learning a new melody.

You know Mark, I have always relied on you to show me how to get closer to G-d and I still need that...

thank you for being in my life....

Hi Queenie! (JT waving from my backyard)



I don't have a full week of mid-winter break, just today and Monday, but I could maybe Friday.

OT but a bit of good news. DD23 and her hubby (DSIL25) just got the keys to their first house! It was bank owned, and is a total mess inside, but nothing big is wrong with it. Their Real Estate Agent is the dad of DSIL's best friend-who happens to be dating DD26. It's always interesting isn't it?

Let your OS know that I am very proud of him. And I know the mixture of pride/anxiety you are feeling about having a child in the military. My OS will be commissioned in 2010 in the US Army.

When did they get old enough to decide to do this?

I'll come! After all, I've met quite a few from all over the country.....I've even planned an MB get-together!